Re-done dance E

Anyone? Just me? ok...

So films, many films. I've been camping in the cinema with my bro. Godzilla, Maleficient, 22 Jump Street, X men days of future past, Chef, Transformers, Days of Future past, Rise of the Planet of the Apes... I'm sure there is at least one I've missed.

I was thoroughly won over by the fellow who plays Mrs. Brown. But yet to pencil in a day to go see the thing. Come to the conclusion the universe is conspiring against me, well when it comes to one thing. HMRC are giving me a refund! Not a life changing reimbursement but it's always nice to get something back :-D

Time is running out, or so I feel.

So Transformers! It wasn't so bad. My only criticism is that there was too much time spent on the people. More optimus and bee less whiny human bs please. And the female lead was the whiniest damsel in distress. Also action films are better when viewed closer, my bladder betrayed me and I bailed just before the final fight. Upon returning to the screen I watched from the front, instead of my usual perch at the back. It was SOOOOO much better.

THE VULCAN! For those not savvy it's a huge...and was the highlight of the day by a country mile. What is a country mile? Different to a regular mile, does anyone know

On the way back home I was umming and ahhing about whether to take a detour and thus dodge the Waddington Air Show. Decided to plough through the middle of it. And as we were ploughing we glance over to see what the people on stepladders were gawping at. It was an enormous one jet taking off. Yep this beast with it's engines at the end of their operational life was witnessed by two guys who were on their way home. Spectacular! Seeing the thing bank was unreal, something so massive going so fast...it was truly mind bottling.

Plugged the old cam in to review the pics and found some right old gems. So pants!

Under Armour

Been experiencing some chaffing subsequent to my return to the realm or training. My ass is quite literally a wad of cookie dough. Any get the reference? Anyhow I begin my quest to become carved out of wood yet again. I'm up to 106kg from 86kg, 4kg of which is on account of being lazy and the remaining 16kg piled on whilst after injury the put me on my ass for five weeks. But it's near enough been a year so time to put my behind in the past and get my ass in gear.

So pants! Yep Lycra uber pants come with quite the tagline "You'll never wear regular underwear again." or "Numquam iterum uti regularis indusiar" for the latin speakers out there. They are by far the best pants I've ever worn.

Can you put a name to this face?

At least he second small crawling white worm thing I've found on my carpet. It's not a regular occurrence mind you. No idea what it is or where it's come from. My best guess that it is in fact a brainslug. Anyone get the reference? Or maybe it's a babelfish! If I find another I'll pop it in someone's ear and start speaking in my somewhat obscure mother tongue, Tamil. Recently featured on Mock The Week! I've been lazy but he does burst into the language of my forefathers at some point during episode five series 13 :-D

That's Bubba Sparx with his one hit UGLY, I recently noticed an obscure reference to Timbaland you know the guy who produces many things and has quite a successful solo career. You can see him being awesome here with JT:

And I've just found a work around for embedding youtube videos on blogger! Yep that's what makes me super, duper happy :-D.

And wandering around the interweb I came across something called WebCanvas. See some of it here. Massive anyone can draw on it thing. Not quite figured out the coordinate system. Is it geographic, arbitrary based on a starting point. There's a word...datum? Gah my engineer/mathmatician side is so out of shape these days. Also I love doodles :-D

So I saw Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, shortly after seeing rise of the planet of the apes. I was a little underwhelmed as Rise was much better in my opinion. ***SPOILER ALERT*** But then again there was an obvious happy ending in Rise, the apes make a getaway to the forest. Dawn was a much more complex beast. It's easy to blame humanity, they caused the plague that only 1 in 500 are immune to and it creates the super smart apes. The strange thing is that there is a buttload of apes in this film, set ten years after Rise. Or at least ten winters as the wise orangutan Maurice tells us. He may be my favorite character, he teaches the kids and makes amazing guttural noises.

You'd think that it'd be man vs ape but there are factions within the humans and apes. Those who would go to war and those who want peace. Ultimately it's all kicked off by Koba shooting Caesar, he blames it on the humans and the apes go to war. So rooting against Koba right? But he's seen the worst of humanity, he was experimented on and carries numerous scars as testament. Caesar was raised by the wonderful James Franco and lives believing in peace. So circumstance made them who they are. ***SPOILERS OVER***

There are some truly wonderful moments in the film and it's well worth seeing but make sure you see the first one beforehand. Get's you up to speed and gets you attached to Caesar as a character, you see him grow up.

That's the goop I put in my hair to make it borderline presentable. I bought that tub in April 2013 and it ran out in April 2014, so it lasts.

It's been a while!

MRDWC YO!!!

I didn't even know this was happening until two days before when LRT shared a link for it! And that meant that the next three days were pretty much booked with me staring in awe at men in lycra. No different from my usual weekend programme I hear you cry!

But alas Sunday was my first day as a temp for interflora. A job I approached with much trepidation as I had been an operative in the fiery pits of a call centre before. My first day was an intense learning experience, not what I expected. I was expecting to be put on a phone and told to get on with it. As it turns out the sink or swim atmosphere of my previous place of work has made all other office based occupations appear tame by comparison.

But all was not lost I would be home in time for the final at 19:00! I was yet to see a truly close bout in the tournie so was hanging my hopes on the final for such an occurrence. I get home at 18:15 and load up the results page hoping to see who was in the final. I am greeted with an update stating that three bouts had been brought forward by two hours and the final was now at 17:00. I was utterly bereft, for about 20 seconds. Then I saw that there were some ridiculously close bouts to watch! So I've got some bouts in the bank to help me pass the time! Oh and as always my nod to SDRG for introducing me to roller derby! And here's some of my thoughts on some bouts I saw on 2013!

The group of people I was trained with at Interflora: Ben, Ruth, Dan, Gina, Ellie, Carol, Alison, Mark, Hannah and I am ever so sorry I've forgotten the last girls name! If she's reading this and feels wronged please feel free to contact me and I'll sort you out with a cookie :-D Yet to be taken up on my cookie offers, makes me think people are wary of burly men bearing baked goods

So chocolate everywhere. Sounds like a dream right?

I get home and decide I'd like join two separate pieces of chocolate together. How would you achieve this? I've come up with two options:

1. You could place the two pieces next so that they are touching. And then heat some more chocolate and either spread or pipe the liquid choc onto the join.

2. You could place the two pieces next so that they are touching and then apply heat directly so that they melt and merge together.

I went for option two and was rather impressed with the results.  Here's how I ended up with melted chocolate on my hands, face, clothes and kitchen. I pick up the still mostly melted piece of chocolate with my right hand and it immediately starts to lose structural integrity.

In my haste to correct my mistake my left hand comes into play impacting the falling half and sending it flying towards the ceiling. My right hand, which is holding the other half, is the only limb close enough to prevent chocolate impacting the ceiling. I throw this half from right to left and reach for the ceiling bound half. I'm too slow and only manage to deflect it towards the microwave. And that ladies and gentlemen is a great example of why more haste does not necessarily result in more speed.

And this was in March! Now to May :-O What happened to April? Well the insane world of shift work 15 minutes away from my house started coupled with my woefully inadequate preparations for an exam. Oh and I got hammered and my mum saw me :-S not ideal. But then again that's what I get for living at home. Time to fly the nest, again. I'll leave for good one of these days. When I figure out what it is that sets me ablaze.

So today was the day of my CIMA exam, believe it or not its the third time I've sat this bugger. It's not that the exam is difficult or that I'm particularly dense. I leave the mystery of why I haven't passed this one yet to you dear reader, whoever you may be. Up bright and early and look up the route from the train station to the exam venue. I decide to plonk myself in a cafe and study my socks off. I actually do much reading on the train, followed by an hours kip. Man I sure do love train sleep! I also love mid afternoon sleep. Not a fan of proper sleep thought. I wonder why!?

Anyhow upon arrival I walk to the first cafe, a ginormous starbucks, nay nay I say. Onwards to a nice little Nero, not feeling this one either as I amble past more pretentious little cafes I decide to buy a massive bottle of water from Tesco and set up camp outside the exam venue. I read through key areas and make notes, test myself and generally look busy so the people entering the building will leave me alone. I am extremely sociable but I wanted to focus so no chitchat! Problem is I have a friendly face and "kind" eyes, wtf does that mean? I'll take a compliment where I can get one but doesn't everyone have kind eyes? Not one but two separate folk strike up conversations with me I play nice before burying my face in notes. The best of the two was a young man who asked me "what are you doing?" by which he meant what paper are you sitting. I was eating a salad, at the time, whilst quaffing an energy drink, more on that later, so I was thoroughly confused about his question about what I was doing. Surely it's evident that I am eating vegetables! I do however twig what he's on about.

So the time to sign in has come, involves walking up with a printed out admission thing and a photo ID. Neither lady can say my name at the desk so we have a bit of banter about my exotic name and I go back to my brooding seat. So everyone's signed in and they ask us all to assemble so they can give us the exam spiel: Not phones, no paper, no leaving within the first hour of the exam etc. I down the half can of monster and swig some water to keep my hydrated. And I sit down and begin reading the paper, we are allowed 20 minutes reading time. I am overjoyed the paper has been crafted with things I can do! Analysis, pensions, substance over form, basic consolidation and a cashflow statement! About 15 minutes in I am yanked from my joy cloud by the building pressure in my bladder, it is demanding to be voided. I quash the urge and decide to go after reading time is over. They instruct us to begin and I shoot my hand up. I am kindly informed that I can't leave the room for one hour after the exam has started!

So here's my quandary, I have a paper that is eminently passable yet all my energy and attention is being drained by my overly full bladder. Gah! So I plough on with a basic analysis question. Having completed it I look up and see that only 10 minutes have passed! Head down I am determined to make a go of all the questions before looking back up at the time. This too comes to pass and only 40 minutes have passed. I feel hot, I can hear my heartbeat in my ears and my breathing is shallow. Someone sneezes causing me to flinch! Enough's enough I stick my hand up and this time I'm informed that if I can't hold it then I can go but only if it's definitely an emergency. It wasn't an emergency but they let me go and return.

Worked till the last minute on that paper. I usually finish ages ahead of time and twiddle my thumbs whilst cracking my knuckles. So the moral of the story? Always go to the bathroom before an exam,

Secrets...

Likely to be a post I don't publicise. I wonder how many will discover it? My money's on one, Highlander style...there can be only 1. Or Lord of the Rings style.

This is a thought process that has lead me to believe that it's all smoke and mirrors, illusions. Anyone read Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah? If you ask nicely I may lend/send you a copy. Lots of layered illusion to overcome. A nice and easy one is where we walk. On footpaths right? But why? Because that's what we are supposed to to, also they are safe and usually free of vehicles.

So the nub of this is the illusion of self. I had that nagging fear about death that wrote about back here. I seems to have gone now that I've come to this idea/working theory/something I don't know how to classify. Self a collection of tendencies based on previous experiences. But what is self is constantly changing. Cells are born, grow old and are replaced. What was "your" skin today is dust tomorrow. What was your dinner today becomes your flesh, blood and bone tomorrow. Maybe not that quickly but you get the gist right?

So the body is constantly being renewed so it is not constant. Once you grow up you have a basic frame that you consider yourself. It may get a little wider, narrower, firmer, saggier, greyer etc. but as it's constantly being renewed it's not the same. It may appear the same but it is not the same. Had a shot of rum in my vanilla chai so this may be the slightly tipsy ravings of a borderline narcissist.

So body is not constant, so what about conciousness? That's stored in the mind, right? Staying relatively scientific as the esoteric/mystical mumbo jumbo is too soothing. Solace, something that is nice but something intellect won't allow to remain in place for too long. If the very basis of conciousness is being renewed/rebuilt regularly then is this a continuity? Or a series of snapshots stitched together using the faculty of memory? Take 20 photos of any moving object per second for ten seconds and then run through them at a rate of 20 photos per second and the image will appear to move.

Does that make sense to anyone or am I really barking up the wrong bush

My fear of death appearing to be gone. Well I think that's because I don't really exist at all. Much like a record of events my mind has recorded everything that has happened around me to date. This record is maintained and accessed when faced with new situations day to day. So what is there that's "me". Broken down and rebuilt constantly. A copy, of a copy, of a copy.

I thought the truth about life, would be bigger, hit harder, maybe this isn't it or all of it. Perhaps a small portion. Hmmm. I don't know!

The 1st day of March, again...

The more observant amongst you may have experienced a sense of dejavu upon reading the title. Well That's because the first day of March rolls around every year :-P And I was in Lincoln hanging at Eastbourne Street with some rather fabulous peeps! If you want to see the original then clicky and read, it's one of my favourites!

So I'll do my best to run down the night as it happened. The problem is that my usually crystal clear memory has become clouded...I blame Unicum. It kicks like this guy.

What's not to like?

Don't let the sweetly smiling lady fool you that stuff is possibly the worst liqueur...in the world. It has to be watered down by a factor of 100 I reckon. But I think its been well and truly retired after triggering visceral reactions neat and uncontrollable grimacing when mixed.

So my clouded mind aside the day began with a trip to Lincoln around 12:00. I headed to Yarborough leisure centre to be instructed in the mysterious ways of the Roller Derby NSO. Powerpoint + roller derby means I am pretty much enjoying myself to the max. So after the workshop there's some time so I go off and read some behavioural science mumbo jumbo. I wander back and lean against a wall in the hall reading. One of the bombers tries to engage me in conversation, nips, unprepared I may have flashed a snarl. It's my default setting from my years as a bad man backstreet brawler or maybe it's from my years as a rugby player. Nah come to think of it it's probably from the 2-3 years I spent being trained in classical and jazz dance. I've said too much...

So in my confusion I am way to curt, note to self be nicer. I am handed a clipboard and placed in the centre of the track. A perspective I have never seen before and it feels a little odd to be literally in the middle of it all. For about 30 seconds I get disorientated as my eyes try and track skaters whilst in the middle. I get over this and re-familiarise myself with my task. That is tracking penalties: who, what and when. Sounds simple enough so I'm relaxed and looking pretty chill. And then the first jam kicks off and I realise that I have to spin around on the spot following play and the speed of the game is reinforced again! Why do I keep forgetting the break neck pace at which derby takes place? I do miss the odd call but Carolyn and Mel are on hand to quiz the refs allowing me to maintain an air of of silence. It's over way too fast and I disappear without saying my goodbyes. I do hate goodbyes.

And then I head to Tesco! Now It's 16:00 and Swap informed me that any time after 18:00 would be not too early for the party. I'll take my time and get my browse on. I purchase: 25x chicken wings, 4 x scotch eggs, 2 x bacon and egg bites, 4 x hunters sausage, 2 x chicken kiev bites, 6 x Mcoys, crate of Guinness, Umbongo, Pepsi, soda water and apple juice. The moral of the story is do not shop whilst hungry, I'd skipped lunch. I fill my face in the car before heading to the party. Upon arrival I can not spot a single parking space that my questionable parallel parking skills well let me park in, park!

So I drive around the block and head back down. I spot a space and try to pack my car into it to no avail. It is now that I spot Swapnal staring at me  he has been dumbstruck by my parking ineptitude. So I tell him I'm gonna park on the next street over and I start lugging my gear in. Walking up the stairs I spot a large black box with the Xfactor sign in the middle. I assume that is either Swap's or Vicky's costume. As I head back outside Swap suggests that if he moves his car forward I could park behind rather easily thus eliminating my parking problems. Common sense often eludes me.

Reformatted front room

So we sit and talk about the state of the world and how constant news updates just reinforce the fact that we are headed for oblivion. So beer? Yes...much beer. Andrew arrives and I enquire as to what I should call him, other than Andrew as it's too formal. He says whatever so Swap suggests Drew! I've only ever met one Drew and he was my boss...ex boss. Now that leaves a little wiggle room. The more reasonable amongst you will go straight to the "He must have lost his job" or "His boss, Drew, must have lost his job". But I know that's not how my mind works and contrary to popular belief, we are not so different you and I. Does anyone get that reference? It's all over the place in popular culture :-D First spotted it in Austin Powers. So ex-boss could mean that somehow I burnt through my seemingly limitless reserves of calm and busted him on the pavement!

He informs us that his daughter is due round tomorrow so maybe he'll be having a relatively tame night, nah. Vicky pops up and starts the cooking process. Pizza, sausage rolls, spring rolls and cheese goujons. I've never typed the word goujon before and my spell check does not recognise it. The first and only suggestion on the list was gorgon. Cheese gorgon...tasty. Vicky explains the intricacies of her costume extend beyond X factor, shit TV in general and extracts my present. A book has this quote on the back "Here is a test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't" Dan arrives and upon seeing my sizeable shoulders he invites me to partake in some lifting of the heavy nature. I regrettably had to decline on account of my crumbling spine. I am deceptively brittle.

Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/r/richardbac101049.html#ffI7YrYzsm7q2iko.99

We costume up: I have taken the form of a panda, Swapnal a chav gangster and Andy a bishop. I should explain that the theme of tonight's event is things you'd like to put into room 101. I was expecting a strong backlash and Vicky doesn't disappoint she instantly jumps to panda's defence. But after my barrage of facts she ceases her defence or decides I am a lost cause and moves on. Throughout the night everyone was surprisingly open to putting the cutest endangered bears into room 101. Swap dislikes wannabe gangster chavs, which is fair enough they are really, really annoying. Andy has come a bishop but he is representing all religion, I don't like organised religion. But then again I don't really like rules.

1 in 4 pandas will tear your face off. The others will just bow down all cute and what not.

My reasons for wanting to put pandas into room 101 are because they are a bear that eats bamboo. They are sooooooo ill adapted to eating bamboo that they have to eat 10-20kg a day. That's right their digestive systems are still in carnivore mode! They don't mate enough! And most females get postpartum depression. I love the animal it's terribly cute and get is surprised by sneezes. But they just won't cut it. You can get rid of all funding and they will survive. Why? Because they are a Chinese icon. Pretty sure all pandas are owned by China. Also I am backed up by Chris Packham, wildlife expert, and Ricky Gervais, all round legend.

Panda rant done back to the party :D So now come Harry, Emily and a lad whose name I didn't catch! I only realise now that I did not ascertain his name. Next time....Emily has come as Marmite not much more to say on the subject as I wholeheartedly dislike marmite. Myself, Swap and Andy take a stand so as to greet the newcomers. Bit of chatter and we rearrange ourselves on the seating in order to try and encourage everyone to fill up the seats. We had been occupying 2 sofas and a pew. We are now occupying one sofa and a pew. I was being surly and refusing to move. Now arrive Dan, in costume, and Gareth, Dan's bro.

Dan is dressed in an old school american military uniform with a white stick, dark shades and an american flag. I had no idea what he'd come as and didn't ask him on the night! I was too busy being a panda. Lookig back I think he may have come as blind nationalism? Gareth has dressed up as Bruno Mars. And just in case his outfit was too subtle he has is wearing a self labelling t shirt. This surely signals a battle of epic proportions. Our Swapnal is a notorious Bruno Mars impersonator. Well he pops on a fedora and is, more or less, constantly told he looks like Bruno Mars.

I am running low on writing juice so I shall retire for the night and return upon the morrow! It's been a week since the event so my thoughts have been pieced together. I remember now that one of Vicky's mates from uni arrived whilst I was downstairs and I stood back not wanting to disrupt their reunion. Little embarrassing but I didn't take the time to ask her her name :-S. Or at least confirm her name. I did hear it being used throughout the night but in my, somewhat, inebriated state I can't be 100% sure what it was. I have three options: Gianna, Chianna or Rihanna. I think the first one is most likely, only time will tell. I'm going to refer to her as Cruella as that was her costume on the night, a stand against fur for fashion.

It's around this point that Bruce and Laura arrive. Bruce is blue cheese complete with grapes and crackers for garnish, genius! Laura has come as Harry Potter I did not ask why but I'm not a massive fan of Harry as a main character. He's a little too Hugh Grant, admittedly I've only ever seen the films so perhaps I'm off the mark. Oh Mark! He was on his way to York and gave me a call before everything kicked off. He informed me of his Subway purchases and told me the story. Doesn't matter where I go in life I don't think I'll ever come across anyone quite like Mark James Taylor.

It's around now that everyone pops out for another smoke leaving me sat on my pew like a lemon. I dislike being citrus of any kind so I burst into action and engage Gareth in conversation about work and driving etc. I learn that he did contemplate "blacking up" to make his Bruno Mars costume more authentic. But was worried about the potential backlash when walking through Lincoln town centre. The smokers return and I think this is when I got started on spirits. Vodka Umbongo didn't go down too well but was vastly improved by the addition of a little fizz.

They drink it in the congo

I advance and somehow strike up a conversation with Laura. I had to ask her her name twice. I am terrible with names unless I learn your full name. Then I should be able to recall it regardless of the last time I saw you. This idiosyncrasy was pointed out to me by the one...the only...I.T. Helpdesk III! The one piece of info that sticks in my memory is that she told me her daughter was 21 months old and she was not looking forwards to the terrible twos. Andy has a a two year old daughter and swings in with many tales to terrify Laura further.

I am notice something involving straws is occurring. It would appear Cruella is crafting a construction out of straws. I enquire as to what and why. It's a giant straw for Vicky to use as her most awesome TV costume does not allow for easy access to beverages. Cruella is having a bit of a mare as she's wearing satin gloves thus making deft straw manoeuvring an impossible task. I offer to help as I have the dexterity of a surgeon. My hands are so gentle that I am able to handle ants between my thumb and forefinger with no damage coming to the insect. A skill that I am yet to find a profitable use for. Straw successfully constructed I take a picture, as is my way.

Now is when I meet Bruce, top bloke. He runs through the whirlwind that was meeting his wife and having a daughter. To which my only comment is "21 months!" He mucho impressed by the speed of my calculation and as much as I would like to take all the glory I admit that Laura told me mere minutes ago. Out of the window I can see cherry blossom, sakura in Japanese, spring has truly sprung. Bruce now enquires as to who Gareth has come as. The more astute amongst you will realise that this may seem something of an unnecessary question as Gareth is self labelling tonight. Turns out Bruce hasn't the foggiest who Bruno Mars is. Reminds me of a certain Matthew Lamar, when Ben Good asked him what his opinion of Vladamir Putin was his completely serious reply was "I don't really listen to music."

Courtesy of distractify.com

Not so sure how I engaged these two in conversation but I think Swap may have quizzed them about their apparent hatred of football. Turns out Emma would very much like to see all things football related disappear and Ian just wants Liverpool to vanish off the face of the planet. Now that that's cleared up Ian mentioned he's quite the avid runner. Turns out him and a mate completed Tough Mudder last year. Now they plan on doing five of them. When asked if I'd give it a crack I am gutted that I can't! Spinal woes. During this time Vicky is doing the rounds with a tray of Baileys shots. I think the glasses, the tray and the Baileys were all gifts.

It's around now that the band kicks off and we are treated to a barrage of classics that gets the room moving. In an attempt to close the gap between the band and the crowd myself, Swapnal and Andy go sit on the rearranged seating. Again we are unsuccessful at manoeuvring the masses. I nip downstairs to break the seal and bump into Ben and Andy on their way in. I had previously met Ben at the Soiree back in...June? Was it really that long ago!? Anyhow he's with Andy and I assume they are related. I think they looked alike but I was off the mark, all yall look alike! Bruce and Laura are departing as well. I should also mention that Ben thought I lived at the house!

When I head back upstairs I see that Dan has mounted his bass. There's a combination of words that, even with the most vivid/twisted of imaginations, I never would have concocted. Now comes the time for some fresh vocal input. And so Marie "the spider" Travis makes her way to the stage. The switch up is pretty amazing. Wearing a large woolly panda balaclava is taking it's toll and I head outside to cool off. This scene is missing as I have no idea what happened during this time.

Heading back indoors I intentionally park myself in the middle of the dance floor. It's the space between the couches and one of the kitchen islands. If you scroll back up to the pic of the room then you can see it is a narrow strip of dance floor. During an interlude there is a swift exchange of hats between Karly, Andy, Swapnal, Jaime and myself. Now Unicum comes out to play play. Swap mixes it with redbull and we get cracking. It sips badly and the after taste is indescribable so naturally the executive decision is made to add blue curacao, orangey blue bitterness what could possibly go wrong? It doesn't help one jot.

Let's move on. It's time for costume prizes! Andy wins best dressed man for his red bishop/cardinal. Cruella wins for her creative stand against fur and the spider takes the grand prize! And now it's time for some more music! So Swapnal fetches his five string guitar and Ben starts strumming along with Steve. Dan appeals to the crowd for some new vocal talent and so we begin the slow spiral towards karaoke.

Now here's where my mind gets rather mixed up and the chronology falls apart. I remember a guy from a few doors down pops in after hearing all the ruckus. He naturally gets me and Swapnal mixed up asking me how long I've lived here. Cruella requests I record a short video for a a friend. This would involve the use of her phone. Given that it has limited battery life she insists I leave it on standby until the last moment. No problem but this means I have to learn the code to unlock her phone. I still remember the code! I end up recording a 4 minute spectacular of a video which is immediately posted to facebook. My help in this endeavour results in this question from Cruella "why are you so nice!?" I have no answer so I ask Gareth. His answer is that you can in fact be too nice. All's fair in love and war etc.

The night winds down and someone tells me Andy is is outside having it out with someone on the phone. Now this is the scene to end all scenes. A man dressed as a bishop is stood outside a church early on a Sunday morning having a casual argument on the phone! I grab my gear out the car and Vicky kindly preps my bed for the night. It is of course a three seater couch + a two seater couch making for quite the lovely leather bed. I brush my teeth and read some more about cold reading techniques before drifting off. My sleep is interrupted by someone on the search for red wine and again on the quest for a phone. Sometime later I hear a disturbance but amongst all the noise I hear Swapnal's voice and trust he's got it under control. I am summoned to lend a hand. As chance would have it I have two rather large hands so I get involved it is about 04:00.

What transpired ended up with Swapnal asleep on the two seater next to me. It did not occur to us to separate the two sofas! As I go to sleep I remember that this time last year we were in a similar situation except in Swapnal's bed. The more things change the more they stay the same! What's funnier is that I used the subject of pandas as a means of switching subjects with the ever effervescent Eleanor. And here I was a year later dressed as a panda, of sorts. A few hours of sleep later I bust a move and refresh myself in the shower. Freshly showered I can't get back to sleep so I feast on chicken wings whilst reading Dale Carnegie's word's of wisdom.

Swapnal is up, sort of and takes up my offer of chicken wings. We've motored through about half of them so I head to the bin to get rid of the bones. This throws Swap into a minor panic as he thought I was about to bin the remaining wings! Vicky is kind enough to cooks us bacon and eggs and we tuck in gratefully. We sit in silence for a while as neither of us is particularly awake at this moment in time. Andy pops up looking cheerful and spins around in a circle in search of something. He pulls a wok from his drawer and puts it back before whipping out a pan. Now its time to look for eggs and the eggs he finds have a best before date of....October 2013!

I pull myself together and do a final kit check before shipping out. It's been an eventful and exceedingly enjoyable night. I hope every March the 1st will be as awesome as the last two have been. I should mention that I retrieved my 4 pack of scotch eggs from the fridge before heading home. They were under not one but two boxes of regular eggs! On my way home I find myself listening to this, soothing Sunday music. Almost forgot amaretto and umbongo makes for a kickass mixture!

Jiglz - The manufacturer of my awesome panda balaclava :D

Now for a mad conspiracy! WWIII is set to kick off any moment now and I for one am not sold on this being anything other than a conspiracy. Rule of three anyone? If we go in reverse chronological order there is the invasion of the Ukraine. With the flimsy front of defending their nationals on foreign soil Russia has stepped in. Putin is not a fan of homosexuality and is hosting an international sporting event...remind you of anyone? I'll give you a clue he wrote a book about camping and was shown up by a single man of colour at the 1936 Olympics. And now for the last, or first, step his rise to power. Well his rerise to power. All of this makes me think that he's being set up as the next boogie man for the world to focus their combined disapproval on. But then again I think the horse meat scandal was a weak attempt to scare us into eating healthier and that the footage of the moon landings could not have survived the radiation in space. So I'm probably massively misinformed completely off the money.

Unnecessary Traversal

I had an appointment at Grantham Hospital this Wednesday, today as I write this. It was to see a rehabilitation consultant for reasons I am yet to fathom. I lost the handy letter with all the details and a map on so rang up and was given specific instructions to report to outpatients before 09:30. So I show up at 09:05 with no paperwork and tell them what I've been told. A lovely lady volunteer ushers me to the automated touch screen check in thingy and informs me that they haven't got my details at the main outpatients desk so maybe rehab/physio round the corner will.

I stride there and talk to another lovely lady who goes and asks those behind the scenes if they are expecting me. As I write this I remember I handed her my driving license, my name is out of the ordinary so instead of spelling it I decided on this course of action. I have just checked my wallet to make sure I retrieved it, I did, crisis over. She tells me that they are not expecting me so I'm probably expected at the other rehab clinic at the other end of the hospital. It is now 09:20 and I am running out of time.

I walk towards maternity and eventually see signs for "Rehabilitation". And then I arrive at a temporary wall blocking off the only corridor that allows internal access to rehab from where I am. The wall is blocking off some building work, fantastic! So I head outside in the hope of bypassing the building work and re-entering the hospital via another entrance, success! I wander into the rehab bit and it is rather deserted. Two nice ladies tell me the session has already started and asked if I still wanted to go in. This is some sort of group therapy. I explain that I'm here because I had loads of nerve damage and muscle wastage after rupturing two discs in my lower back. They direct me back to the physio department from whence I came.

I arrive back at the physio department and tell the nice lady that I've been sent back. She rings my local physio dept to see if they know what in tarnation is going on. They instruct her to use pause/paws/pas? I dunno some system that she is yet to engage. She tells me the name of the doctor I am supposed to see and sends me back to the main outpatients reception. You may remember that this is where I started me jaunt around Grantham hospital.

I speak with the receptionist and she tells me to take a seat and I'll be called in in due course. A couple of minutes later the doc pops his head out the door and calls me in. Not fussed that I am ten minutes late! So what's the moral here? Hospitals are useless? The NHS is a joke? Possibly but what I took away from it is do not lose the appointment letter they send you. Had I had it this whole series of events would not have taken place. Remember when I said I learn things the hard way? As it so happens the hard way was a 35 minute walk around a hospital.

Odd bit of metal work I saw on my way to the hospital.

The World

It is the name of Dio's stand in Stardust Crusaders! Yet to finish reading part three, it was my lunchtime reading when I used to work in Kenya. I've not gotten back to it! The word itself has a germanic route and means the age of man. So not a spacial geography but a temporal marker.

So this is a list of all the countries that the analytics bit of blogger tells me has readers of my blog in!

• Macau
• South Korea
• United States
• United Kingdom
• Poland
• Russia
• Germany
• Hong Kong
• Thailand
• Ukraine
• Chile
• Saudi Arabia
• Malaysia
• Russia
• Netherlands
• Indonesia
• Serbia
• Australia
• France
• Nepal
• Spain
• Sweden
• Canada
• Denmark

I wrote the list and then highlighted so I could add the bullet points. Which country do you think Blogger refused to recognise with it's own bullet? Come now peruse the list and pick a country, I insist. It was of course France! Only seen Paris and it was a bit of a let down. Mostly because we did all the touristy stuff in one day and spent the rest of the time steeped in Tamil culture. One of the many blessings/curses of having family all over the world. You have free accommodation and food regardless of what continent you're on but that does mean you probably won't have an opportunity to sample the local cuisine.

Well now that's out of the way I can get with what really matters. That is of course the phenomenon that is taking the globe at a sensible pace Nicnomications!

Like this and get allocated a mood. Your task is to find a picture of Nicolas Cage fitting the mood. Because neknominate got too mainstream and corporate etc.

I got quizzical from Cara!

Gifs they make the world a better place. My personal favourite involves a post-it note and a cat, don't worry I'll share it somewhere down the line. It's been rather amazing to see the many faces of Nicolas Cage. So far: Jubilant, smouldering, feisty, pugnacious, smug, expectant, impudent, nonchalant, raging and many more :D 

I had a chat with another legend from my recent past. A man who knows everything there is about business and people. And I realised that my CV is stuck in the past so I rewrote it. Well I rewrote it and it turned into something of a monstrosity as my last job appears to have been the most varied occupation I've ever undertaken. I'm in the process of boiling it back down, boiled it too much and ended up with burnt residue on the pan. Residue aside I am on my way to a CV that works :D

And now we come to the subject of roller derby. I love this sport as evidenced in several posts

Roller Derby = Awesome - All about the four bouts I've seen in person
More Quotes - Based around a quote from a legendary Rollergirl. Tweeted it to her and got a favourite!
WFTDA Champs - My experience of the world championships. American times make me sleepy.

I think that's it but I do have passing references peppered all over this funny little blog. I take that back it may be funny and a blog but is most certainly not little. Something like 1500 words per post so that's like over a 100,000 words! Back to the matter in hand, roller derby! So ages ago there was a shout out on the Lincolnshire Bombers Roller Girls, LBRG, fb page asking if anyone wanted to be an NSO. That's the none skating official in case you were wondering. Just prior to this I had had a brief chat with SDRG about how much I wanted to give the sport a crack but my bodies tendency to crack had left me unable. I should clear up that I don't have a tendency for cocaine, crack, my body tends to break in odd ways. Most recently at the lumbar spine level.

Moving past my spine we come to the suggestion of NSOing with the promise of a pink t shirt. I was sold already but now I am positively bouncing around like a tool. So I drop them a message and they say that once the season gets going they'll holla at me. So I forget all about it and get on with the task of finding myself a job.

Going to bust a quote yo, apologies for the yoing I've been listening to some Jesse Pinkman and that guy busts yo a lot. It's about creating the right conditions in order for something to happen. The example used is flowers, if you you want particular flowers you have to consider the soil, manure, water, climate, shade etc. If you just talk about the flowers then they won't happen. Well it looks like I've unconsciously set myself up for one thing and as chance would have it it's what I need in order max myself. I've got the internal contemplative stuff now to add the next level.

So back to NSOing. The head NSO I think that's her title. Not sure my initial thought was chief NSO but that sounds a little military. Anyways I got an email asking if I'd be interested in coming along to a scrimmage to get up to speed with NSO tings. In my mind I was shouting yes but this translated to no action being taken. I ended up replying late last night the day before the scrim. Anyway it all worked out but I did turn up an hour or so early. My own fault for not confirming the time. Was treated to the sight of off skate conditioning. Circuit training! Something I have not participated in since I was a teen. It sends me into a fit of nostalgia as I see shuttle runs, squats dips, pushups, ski sits, superman, person traversing and piggyback shuttle runs!

And then it's time to begin and I take my place next to Arry as her shadow. Never done this stuff before so I'll be watching as she bosses the penalty box. But then Mel comes over and says I actually get to do something! I am quite the fan of doing things. I'm handed a sheet and led through the steps involved in line up tracking. Write down numbers, star passes, which pass the opposition jammer is on, in and out passes for penalties. Doing this only hammered home how fast each jam is! There were three halves and I found myself watching intently  the whole time.

Very high ceiling on account of it being a venue for sports the involve balls and maybe trampolines. There is a sport that combines the the two.... SLAMBALL! I noticed the girders were rather dusty but the layer of dust wasn't disrupted intermittently. It looks like balls regularly bounce off the girders thereby causing the dappled effect. And yes I did spot a ball stuck between a girder and the ceiling, classic :-D It also had the mandatory lines all over the floor. I deciphered the basketball and badminton lines but there was a whole other set that I had no idea about. 5 a side football? Dunno. I'll be back next week to attend a workshop, some more NSOing, watch the lego movie and dress up as something I think should be wiped out of existence.

My favourite gif clicky for it's natural environment

Saturation

This is a story all about how my.... is everyone singing the Fresh Prince theme? Preferably out loud so as to inspire all in the vicinity to join in and make the world a better place. Sadly, this has nothing to do with the Prince, Fresh or otherwise, it is a story about a wet kitchen counter. A wet kitchen counter that was being cleaned by a man who I shall refer to as PAW. His initials, so if you are really sleuthy and knowledgeable about my sizeable base of friends, acquaintances and cohorts then you could probs find out who this was. But why do that? Well because it's a teeny, tiny bit embarrassing!

Ok so the story about the wet kitchen counter. PAW has moistened the counter in some way. I forget how but it was either by spillage or deliberately. I have no idea which. He picks up a dish cloth so he can mop up the liquid, not the couth thing to do, leaving liquid lounging around on kitchen counters. I think that reads rather well. Does it?

"Not the couth thing to do, leaving liquid lounging around on kitchen counters"

I do wonder why I can't speak like that. I speak in a pleasant enough manner but I'd never come out with something that sounds as nice as the sentence above. I wonder why. Well I think it's because I speak a damn sight faster than I type. I type 60-80 words per minute, no idea how fast I speak. So in theory if I slow down the pace of my speech I should be able to speak as well I write. That sounds awfully up myself. But it's a theory that I'm willing to try out. Got myself an interview so why not try it out then, when it really matters.

In case anyone is unfamiliar with standard issue dishcloths

So this kitchen counter is wet and PAW has armed himself with a cloth to clean it up. He applies the cloth to the pool. I should point out that myself and my learned colleague Richard are observing this behaviour. We are scientists and observation is kinda what we do. That and mistaking fences for hedges but that's another story for another time. Or if you really want to hear the story drop me a comment and I'll tell you in glorious detail :-D.

As he applies the relatively dry cloth to the pool and the cloth soaks up as much liquid as it can hold. Linking nicely to the title of this little ditty, saturation. It is saturated with liquid and therefore can not absorb any more. But PAW continues swishing the soaked cloth about in the liquid. This isn't drying the counter it's just moving the liquid about. Richard interrupts this exercise in liquid agitation and points out that PAW is not making any progress because of saturation. Ring cloth out over the sink and get back to it.

An anecdote that came forth when I was discussing stratagem for watching vast quantities of footage. Namely season 2 of House of Cards. Not all that vast tbh between 8.67 - 13 hours, not sure if the episodes are 40 minutes of 1 hour long. My brother said he has to intersperse his watching with other things. Quite a productive way of watching such epicness. Do some work, watch some Spacey awesomeness, do some more work, watch even more spacey awesomeness. I don't quite operate that way. I watched the whole thing in three days. I could've done it in 2 but eating, sleeping etc. got in the way. So it would appear I don't get saturated by such things as easily as a higher functioning...not sure how to describe myself and my brother.

So reading! I've got some time to read as I don't have to arise at ridiculous o'clock to commute. But given the current trajectory of things I'll probably be commuting soon enough. I apply for jobs but strangely they are coming looking for me. Not something I'm used to but I could definitely get used to, if you know what I mean. I've been reading something written in 1937 and from it I'm slowly starting to see things differently. From it I was introduced to this awesomeness:

1. Teach me to be obedient to the rules of the game.
2. Teach me to distinguish between sentiment and sentimentality admiring the one and despising the other.
3. Teach me neither to proffer nor receive cheap praise.
4. If I am called upon to suffer, let me be like a well – bred beast that goes away to suffer in silence.
5. Teach me to win, if I may; if I may not win, then above all teach me to be a good loser.
6. Teach me neither to cry for the moon nor over spilt milk.

Those are six maxims that King George V had hanging over his desk. Of those six I immediately understood five, I had to look up the difference between sentiment and sentimentality. The former is feelings of tenderness, nostalgia etc. and the latter is exaggerated self indulgent feelings of things of that nature. A subtle difference but one worth  acknowledging.

I don't really agree with the first maxim as it mentions rules. But I suppose if you are going to play any game then you have to play by the rules otherwise you aren't playing the game. Does that make sense? A game is only a game if it takes place within a certain set of rules. So the parameters are set and by staying within them you ensure everyone involved is playing the same game. All fine and dandy for games :-D

But what for life in general...rules? Nah not a fan.