The 1st day of March!

A Flash back from the 1st of March:

<<<Harp music instantly inducing a sense of nostalgia>>> Kinda only works for me and anyone who was there...
Up at 03:00 that day so I could energise my system adequately, kriya yoga. I then drove to Newark, where Paul was waiting. We bolted up to Durham and hung about the staff room drinking tea before shooting off to three schools. Varying levels of worry regarding the impending change of course, to be expected. I shan't go into detail, official secrets and all that mumbo jimbo.

So when we get back to Paul's it is around 15:30 and he advises me that since we've been on the go since 06:00 I should go home. I give him a wry smile and say "Raving not behaving tonight Paul!" Words to that effect anyhow :-P

Our first night out in Lincoln with the office! We did attempt this once before. I say we but it was Swapnal who talked about it happening then didn't inform anyone of the time or place until very shortly beforehand! Schoolboy error...of the 11 invited only 4 showed up to Rileys; Swapnal, Mark, Chris and me! We play darts, we suck at darts. I buy an overpriced pizza and call it a night. Pleasant enough but it was a let down in terms of turnout.

Back to the 1st of March! I arrive back at the office at 16:30, giving me thirty minutes to work. I type up something akin to a contact report and drive to Swapnal's so I can transform myself from mild mannered office bloke to an old school version of myself, all shall become clear.

Now here's where I made my first mistake, shoes. I found an old pair of rather swish looking formal shoes, and I think to myself "why don't I wear these anymore?" I got them back in 2005, when I first went off to Uni. Expressly for the purpose of formal hall dinners. I also pick an old silk shirt I haven't worn in a while. It is early March so as you can expect nighttime is going to be rather cold. In my infinite wisdom I couple a black silk shirt and jeans with a bright yellow vest :S moving on! Back in the day I'd have gone out in just the vest n jeans X-D

 Here's a pic of my big right arm. I noticed that the text was getting a bit overwhelming so I thought I'd break it up with this! Incidentally I only have the one big arm, ever noticed how I always stand with one side to the room and never square on??? 



Quickly get changed at Swap's place as we expect we've only got minutes before our office catches up to us. Not the case we had ages as they aren't the swiftest of walkers. We go to the Coop where they may have gone to get money out and see no one so we walk in to town.

Are you finding it odd that I can recall all these details of an event that happened 5 months ago? Well that's my memory for you, excruciating detail of every occurrence. From my birth to this moment...

It's not really that good :P but I do recall a hell of a lot more than "normal" people would. Admittedly I don't tend to remember anything that matters. Just stuff that has very little applied use. If I say that I don't remember something we've talked about then I am likely lying. I remember every conversation I've had since I was like 10 years old.

So the first stop is Rileys where there is a bit of a song and a dance about memberships. Once that's sorted we get to pool. Teams of two and I'm paired with Eleanor. At this point in time I don't really know Eleanor, I think she doesn't trust me. She's right not to, I am a crafty character... ;-) We play and thus break the ice, kind of. James and David are at a level that is beyond the rest of us, so they are left to dual each other.

Just as I'm getting back in the groove, potting left right n centre we head to the pub. At this point in time we are down one of the troops. That is because she was told we were off to Rileys and assumed it was the one we went to last time, when only four of us showed up. It is in the opposite direction to town so she agrees to meet us after we're done with Rileys. Am I making sense?

The green dot is where we worked, B is the Rileys she thought we'd gone to and A is the one we went to. As you can see it wouldn't make sense to head out of town to head back in. But thanks to Mark's crystal clear explanatory abilities Sarah joins us in the pub. I order after everyone else, on account of my securing the tables, so my mixed grill arrives as everyone is mid meal. Eleanor was kind enough to wait with me whilst I ordered, considerate girl! I unleash my eating demons and devour it in record time. Chris S and Emma make their exit around now.

Mark craftily creeps and successfully switches seats leaving the only open seat for Sarah right next to him, you sly lad you ;-) So Sarah arrives, I would include a pic but I daren't ask permission, and I think that Ollie Murs said it best:

Um yeah, let's move on...Eleanor spots a young man on the adjoining table. She goes on to express her new found affection for him as he appears...she can't quite find the word. I stare at him and come up with the word earnest. Apparently bang on :D Around now the conversation takes something of a toxic turn. Well I thought it was toxic so I interject with Marc Birch's genius conversational piece "what's your opinion on pandas?" Swift change of subject achieved! Like a boss!

Some time travel talk later she says "all the nice ones are gay...are you gay?" Now it's nice to hear that I class as one of the "nice ones" but she also thinks I may be gay! Insult? Compliment? combo of the two? I know not! 

I do conform to certain behaviours that have been associated with gay men:

• Obsession with weights
• Moisturising
• Soft s'
• Love of dance

Swapnal, James and David are having an in depth discussion about business. I'm spared the detail as I was still a lone wolf, well I sat in the corner plotting how to conquer...I think this is still a secret I'm not allowed to divulge. I'm not a secret agent or an assassin but then again that's exactly what a secret agent/assassin would say...I can say I work in the dairy industry and I was once covered in an experimental product during it's testing phase. As a result I have gained superhuman selling skills that I use every day to peddle FMCG!

Quo Vadis is where we are treated to an experience none of us shall soon forget. This is of course the master of disaster Mark Tin Tin Taylor on the prowl. He is like a force of nature that can not and will not stop. Approaching and opening many a set, this level of game is something I've only seen from "naturals" or someone who has been trained. There is another option I have come up with and that is that he is fearless in the face of rejection! I should also mention that his choice of drink came in a fish bowl which he cradles in one arm on to the dancefloor! This continues throughout the night...

We inevitably end up stood outside as some of our office peeps have a shmoke. The girls get cold and I, in a fit of chivalry, embrace them both to my ample bosom. It really is ample, ask anyone, I can't touch my elbows together it's so very, very ample. Oh and I was freezing cold as well, also any excuse for a hug! Turns out I'm not quite tall enough to effectively hug Elle with heels on. She even throws a sh*t test my way! Been a long time since any girl's tried that on me, made me laugh like a cliche villain.

Gerrard joins us at some point as he has just departed the business. Now Gerrard is in possession of a voice that could soothe a savage storm whilst simultaneously lulling several infants to sleep. You don't believe me? Then see for yourself!

Cigars! We can't get into Lola's as they don't let people in who wear trainers that look like they are made for sport. James is ready to argue the case but we move on. This is where it gets a little hazy I do remember martini's and sitting on some couches in Kind.

Sarah inexplicably develops hiccups, aren't all hiccups inexplicable? Phrenic nerve I know :D My first attempt resulted in possibly the worst photo that exists of me! As you can see blinded by the flash I look like a total bell-end!

The second attempt was a total success, breath holding contest! As I knew Sarah was likely to be very competitive, keen Rollergirl that she is. I also knew I'd win, in my prime I could hold me breath for 4 minutes, I won but that's not really important :-P

The girls depart as does James and Mark. Running down the street apologising left right and center for Marks speedy chat up attempts. Might just be me but if you're on a night out with girls and they call it a night does it always peter out afterwards? I've noticed this happen on at least 6 different occasions.

Swapnal, David, Chris and myself end up on Tokyo. I love to dance :-D much like Van Damme :D and we break up a fight, sort of, before heading home. Once at Swapnal's we spot a duvet in the hallway, strange. We head upstairs and see that the couch is occupied by a large lad who gives us a smile before falling back asleep. Swapnal makes me an offer I can't refuse, sharing his bed. This is all so sudden we've only known each other a few months...

We've got takeaway so we can't just go straight to bed, naturally we watch some 30 Rock! Yet to fully catch up with it myself, so much TV to watch it's unreal! After a few explosive turning over occurences, I move in bed like a sprinter out the blocks. I sort of launch myself into the air and land in a new position. That particular night though, anyone observing my actions may conclude I am infact fighting the wall. Elbows, knees and the odd heel. All in all a good nights sleep!

I've since slept in every bed in that house bar the one in Vicky's room. Only a matter of time ;-)

Oh and remember those shoes that I found that I never wore? Well here's why, they hack and slash at feet with a ferocity I have never encountered before! I now possess a scar on my left foot as a result!

From left to right: Sarah, Eleanor and me!
Easier to ask forgiveness than permission so if either of you lovely ladies are enraged then please forgive me ;-)