I will mostly bee...

I think bees have constructed a hive beneath my doorstep! I see them flying in and out of a gap in the stonework. I may have to shmoke them out, anyone else say/think smoke like Goldmember? No, just me then. There was one in the dismantled washing machine that I once spoke about here:

I also added a big more to last weeks Roller Derby post I kinda felt a bit weird after I posted twice on consecutive days about updating it. I wrote it quick so I didn't utilise my freakish memory to the fullest. It's pushing 2500 words now! But if you read the previous update then there's only an extra 500 :-P so just a little by my standards ;-) Click here if you can stand to read a bit more :D

Gave the washing machine husk a bit of a shake and they bogged off. There was also one being built above the gate of my paternal home back in Sri Lanka. I don't remember what happened to that one, fire is what comes to mind but I wasn't there when it was administered. The most recent story that kind of relates to this that I have in my vast repertoire is courtesy of my bouncing baby brother! He's 19 so naturally I have to treat him as though he were a newborn/toddler at all times.

A little background, he's basically me but a mucho thinner and a lot more raw. Do you have an image of what you're dealing with? Well let me add that he's furiously intelligent and a bit of a big girls blouse when it comes to insects. He captured a wasp in a plastic container and went off to take a shower. He then came to me and casually told me there was a wasp in a container. He didn't ask me to deal with it he just stated the fact and assumed I would leap into action. I did leap into action but that's because I love the adrenaline rush of handling a creature that could cause me the mildest of discomfort (!) Hope you're proud Eleanor I am using it :-D When I enquired as to why he'd left it in the container whilst he went off to shower his response was to let it "chill out."

So he's a first year med student and as such needs to gather experience much like a squirrel gathers nuts. Now that reminds me of the Picnic we had just before Marc exited Lincoln forever. There was a squirrel frolicking on a nearby tree and I just had to take a pic. In order to get the right angle I had to rise from my three legged stool. This sounds simple enough but when you get to my advanced age, 26, any departure from a seated position is accompanied by a sound. This time it was akin to a roar, which scared the skittish squirrel away!

Experience gathering! So whilst on "holiday" to Sri Lanka he's observing/tailing/working at a hospital. This is exactly what my father does when he's on holiday. He takes time off from his job to volunteer full time. The man can not stop being a doctor. In a way I admire that he's found "it." Spoke about "it" here . I am linking old posts mostly because I'm lazy and I don't want to say stuff I've already said.

So my bro is at a hospital in Sri Lanka, whilst there he needed to use the bathroom and hilarity ensued. Clear enough so no need to elaborate further, right? No? Ok well you asked for it! He is England born n raised so his digestive system is a rather sensitive when it comes to the cuisine of our homeland. In a rush he asks a likely looking nurse and is pointed in the direction of the staff toilets. What he finds are the all too common knee trembler style toilets. He's a resiliant enough lad and mans up and gets ready to go at it. That's when he spots something in the corner of the stall.

Any guesses from you likely lot? No Russia anything? Nepal? South America? Malaysia? The Netherlands? I knew it you bunch of lazy....

It was a nest! Not the kind of nest that delightful little birdies build when they are ready  to get it on and lay a few eggs. No this was a nest of hive insects. Not of bees but of wasps! And not one of the posh finished ones that looks like it's made of weathered rock. Oh no no this was one in in it's early stages so it looks like you're staring straight into some kind of horrible easter egg..

Another bee anecdote that comes to mind is about my beloved feisty feline, Tim the dog. He features in two FB come blog posts. Go in search of them if yee are interested :-P Anyway when presented with a bee or wasp how do you think a labrador would go about killing it? Now I realise that this is a little counter-intuitive, to think of a labrador killing something. Mostly because they look like this:

And are known for being a "soft" breed. That is to say they don't really know how to fight n kill etc. Retriever = finder after all.

• Well there is a bee and your yellow lab sees it and takes a dislike to it. 
• What happens next? 
• First guess would have to be a full on bite that grabs up clumps of grass etc along with the offending insect. 
• Nope that didn't happen.
• So what is a dog's next go too attack of choice...barking?
• Well no not that either.

He actually crushed the bee with his paw. This wasn't your usual heavy thud with an added little twist, like someone would do with a big boot. This was a series of stabbing/jabbing motions that hit the bee in rapid succession. Who knew he had it in him?!

So Thursday morning, following my morning kriya I am met by a phonecall... It's 06:45 in the morning so I am ever so suspicious about who it is and what they want. I'm hoping it is Her Majesty's Secret Service summoning me to save the world, again. It's my dad so not as exciting as HMSS requiring my unique blend of talents to save the civilised world, again. He asks if I am hunky dory and hands over to little bro. He proceeds to tell me a long winded story, where does he get his tendency for lengthy dotes of the anec nature o_O

There are many stray dogs in Sri Lanka, they are mostly harmless and wander about looking thin and sleepy. So he spotted two milling about outside and then sees one legging it with a bag in it's mouth. The dog deftly opens the bag to reveal a food that is hard to eat quickly at the best of times. It is something that dries the mouth and has a peculiar name, I think. Any ideas? Cream crackers of course! The dog digs in with much gusto but after a few mouthfuls slows his roll.

Oh and the living legend has returned from his holiday in Cancun. He returned with no souvenirs but what he lacks in merchandise he makes up for in stories. Here's a short excerpt: waiting for Amy outside the girls toilets, looking like a right perv! Some guy barges into me so I push him. He turns and hits me in the face, fuming! His mate can barely hold this monster back then the bouncers appear. They ask me my story and ask me to go outside a second. I know this game, I'm about to be kicked out. So I refuse. They are very insistent so I go and they tell me I've been kicked out. My friends appeal to the manager and after a long old time I'm let back in. I go speak to the manager trying to wrangle a free night for all the inconvenience caused. He's having none of it so I play the race card!!! And I'm kicked out again :-( FUMING!

Thursday evening it's about time I need to go to sleep so I am of course banging out a few crunches on my swiss ball. I once slept for several hours with said swiss ball in my bed, we're close like that. Mark calls me and asks if I've seen his golden key. Paranoia kicks in and I assume it's a wind up but then I notice he sounds worried. He's lost the second key that he needs to get into his house. I contemplate explaining the mechanics of locks but decide not too as he'd been out for "an hour" and was likely in no fit state to try something so dexterous. Anyway he sleeps over at Swapnals and kips on the couch.

So I am a milkman yet again and in the words of Swapnal Patel he and I have been double teaming Lincoln for the past week! 123 litres on Moday, 99 on Wednesday and 91 on friday making a grand total of 313 litres :-O. You want to see a boot full of milk? Give it a click and it'll take you on a journey to another post....Oh and the last time we had to do this Swapnal wasn't too fired up for the whole thing. But this time he literally had a spring in his step :-D I have a theory as to why, anyone who has had the pleasure of meeting him care to hazard a guess?

This time we got progressively quicker at deliveries! Practice does indeed result in drastically improved performance! But Steph I beseech you please don't make me do this again for a while at least. Early mornings don't go well with my new workouts. Funnily enough because of a reduced amount of sleep my moods were all over the place. I say that but I was mostly angry, like a bear with a sore head. It felt a lot like being in my mid teens again. A time of rage...

Whilst in this rage I am sat in traffic waiting to get home. Now I often feel the universe is teasing me and this time was no different. Looks like the last day of school, a time that marks change. A big day for those kids who'll be leaving school forever etc. But here I am too involved in my own misery to consider this. Then I see a dragonfly, hovering above the car in front of me. I turn gaze to follow it and spot a wheelie bin with the number 69 stuck to it X-D I am enormously mature so naturally I find this humerus! Odd insect followed by hilarious bin, well played universe.

To top it off there was a this waiting for me on the doormat! So someone I used to work with has started a shop on Etsy! I went and treated myself to a book and completely forgot about it a fair few times despite a post here

Yep that is a Tardis, some bandaging and a bottle of Tabasco sauce. Pretty much sums up my life! Time travel, injuries and chilli.

And I can recommend the book, not just because the author/illustrator is a mate. But because it humorously explains, some, of the mysteries of roller derby. If there is anything I know I "love" it's humour. I have spent many hours painstakingly researching "what funny is" and I can confirm that this book fits the bill. Plus you get free stickers! On a side note there are many more mysteries to Roller derby that need to be demystified. I think you should write an Fish's guide to Roller Derby :-D.

So Friday I found out another one of the lads I work with will be exiting the company. The fellow I've known even less time than the others. As always there are several posts on the blog relating the exodus of my dear downstairs office. Currently analysing why I feel the way I feel, the sadness is gone but there is still something left and it's not right.

Anyway the lad who is leaving, lovely boy. Appears to have found his focus and is now devoting himself to it wholeheartedly. A very open chap who has a good grasp of human interaction. Able to deftly endear himself, build relationships and manoeuvre power at will. I'm going to say something cryptic, either everything is sacred or nothing is sacred. Do you follow dear reader? :-p Stolen words that apply to this situation and let me say what I want to without being too blunt :D

Oh and how unbelievably awesome is Sherlock?!? Cold, brilliant, tea and punching americans! Kick ass music too, Sherlock - David Arnold if you're interested.