Roller Derby = awesome!

21st of April 2013

Yep that's my actual shoulder n ear!

So today was like most of my Sunday's lately. Woke up early and studiously revised for my upcoming exam in May. Now how could this day get any more interesting, I hear you impatiently cry?

Well around midday I drove into Grantham and met up with Mark and Swapnal. Here's where I found out that our attending The Lincolnshire Bombers vs. The Bristol Harbour Harlots was supposed to be a surprise for Sarah! Neither my work friend or work colleague had told me that this was what they were intending, both assumed that's what I was thinking. And we all know what assumption is!

Once there we wandered about, looking thoroughly out of place until Sarah told us we should sit down. So we did, right next to the opposition's A team! She also handed over responsibility for explaining what was happening to M n S as I had read the rules, no pressure! I explained what I could to Swapnal and he'd pass it on to Mark, chinese whispers style.

I thought the whole thing was awesome and 5 hours flew by. Also Sarah crushed it as a manager, blocker and jammer, I think she may have been pivot at some point as well! In addition to this I won a hat, a purse and spa chill out gift bag. And there is kickass music playing all the time, I may have stumbled upon something very special indeed!

Incidentally I spotted a familiar face, Beth Parrot! Now she hasn't aged a day since a last saw her, a decade ago, so that was easy enough. I, on the other hand, have aged, so she most likely didn't recognise me. This bit is bull as she gave me smile both times I saw her. I was too chicken to say "Hey Beth, long time no see!"

BIT FROM THE 6th of JULY!!!

Well the idea was simple gather the troops: Stephen, Marc, Swapnal, Gerrard, James, Eleanor and Mark. And head to the Bombers next bout at home! Well that was today numbers were low! Three is all I could muster...note to self must work in muster abilities as they appear to be waning!

We did have a welcome addition in the shape of Emma, Swapnal's girlfriend? Dunno if he's into labelling folk/relationships etc.Anyway she's a delight and apparently a rather talented chef...I would like proof in the form of an extravagant something.

Anyhow the day started with a visit to a field where I am greeted by my old training buddies. These lads are about as dangerous as you can get without picking up weapons. Believe it or not I could go toe to toe with them not so long ago, mostly because I have very fast hands. I spent a large portion of my youth trying to be as fast as Ali, not even close. But I did get really really fast! Any way my footwork is non existent now and my fast hands have slowed considerably. I get comprehensively schooled and now I ache all over. Anyone see a group of shirtless, barefooted young men knocking each other about Saturday morning?

Onwards to roller derby!!! So I go to Morrisons and get some food, all low carb as I am a low carb monster. And then I pull in to B&Q's carpark to await the arrival of Swapnal, Emma and Eleanor. I receive panicked a text from Elle informing me she's running well late. Swap and Emma arrive and regale me with tales of how they went sofa shopping. Just to get out of the blistering heat, oooh it was ever so warm today! I busted out the shorts :D Edit: I did not bust out of my shorts! I busted my shorts out from winter storage!

Anyhow Eleanor is sighted in the distance and she's faffing around with her phone. Swapnal predicts she's about call me. Low and behold she calls! Asks where I am to which I make a scoffing comment about being in a car park etc. She's stood in the road and nearly gets hit by a car, I can see and hear her narrating the entire incident. She does worry my sometimes. Anyway she arrives wearing a lovely, skirt? Dress? Man I wish I'd paid more attention! I'm usually so good with observation! Obviously my morning exercise has left me dazed and confused. Anyway I regret not telling her about the seating arrangements.

Driving down to Grantham we've got all the windows open and it's loud + windy! There is a knackered box of tissues in the boot, which has no parcel shelf sealing it off atm. The whirling vortices swirl up said tissues and launch them into the back seat at Emma and Swap. They laugh, we laugh it's hilarious. Then the tissues make a break for the front, it's even funnier! One goes out the window :D

Anyway once we get there I seem to have lost my ability to park! WTF has happened to me, it's like me spacial awareness is all messed up. Things feel bigger and movements feel odd. It may be the new tyres I don't know!

When we get there we stride boldly to the hall and ask for our tickets. Kissy is on the desk today and she asks if this isn't my first time here. It's because of the tshirt she later tells me. Now I remember her name from the last time, I have a dangerously good memory for names. But if I were to address her by her skating name having only seen her skate once then I'd be the weirdo fanboy. Now it's no secret that I'm a weirdo but I'm still weird about people I don't know knowing. It's weird I know. 600 words so far before Sarah even sees us! And I got a free poster!

So we are milling around like fish :-P out of water, much like last time. Then Sarah gives us a rather confused look as Eleanor waves emphatically at her :D. It is now that Elle finds out we shall be sat on the floor... No torrent of expletives just mild annoyance along with a healthy dose of lets just get on with it shall we. Lots of explosive warming up and good mannered banter.

The first bout kicks off and goes by in a flash. I should really take notes as so much happens so quickly my senses do rather get overloaded. Very few sports have this time dilation effect on me it all seems to have happened in a matter of seconds! The same could be said for the second one over all too soon.

Anyhow I initially took an interest in roller derby for not so noble reasons but the sport is totally infectious. The physicality, dynamism, attitude, music and dancing make for a combo I haven’t seen anywhere before.  Dancing yes dancing!!!

Here's the kicker we went as a surprise for Fish but none of our lot said anything to her on the day. Well I suppose we surprised her and that's something :D

Ooh and I won a rather fetching red bag! Last time I won a hat, a purse and a pamper home spa kit thing! The purse is currently with Fish, I think. The kit was left for safekeeping with Eleanor so what I have is the hat and the bag.

Extra bit: Now I tend to write things over the course of days. This is because my memory doesn't function quite like everyone elses. I have bits that I have linked to other occurrences in my life and I sort of sort them according to importance and complexity. I picked up some of the subtlety of the sport yesterday that I didn't see in April.

This would be the level of communication between the rollergirls. They are constantly passing info apparently the pivot is the equivalent of a quarterback in american football or a flyhalf in rugby. I hadn't the foggiest! But I suppose that over time I am seeing more as I stop just staring in slack jawed awe. Also there was the sly moves that team members pull to help their jammers get through. The first time I didn't see any of this, neither did I hear any chatter during jams.

Three possibilities the first time I was overwhelmed. Anyone know if you can ever be just whelmed? An eternal question I first heard in 10 things I hate about you. Secondly we may have been sat too far away. This time we were pretty much in suicide seating, for those who don't know you sit on the edge of the outer track where refs skate and skaters with penalties and recycled jammers. I may be totally wrong about all of that I only read the rules once. Lastly the bombers may have levelled up and thats why I couldn't see these things before. I think the first is most likely.

I will be adding more but its late and I'm up at 04:00, milk party...for those who don't know I am an occasional milkman.

I also felt lazy as there is quite a bit more I could add, so for better or worse here it is. This is going to be a little general and sound like something of an excuse but it really isn't. No I'm serious it really isn't an excuse. Ok so a direct quote here: "we don't often win to be honest". At this I felt compelled to share my views on sport and winning. Whilst victory is awesome, how you get there is much more important in my book. Reminded of the story of a young boxing champ. His training, diet etc was so hardcore that he hated every moment of his life and only bit he enjoyed was winning. When asked is it worthwhile the answer that shot back was "only just!" Now say you put yourself through all that suffering and lose...what then?

So here's my take, enjoy what you're doing and if you win that's amazing. But if you lose then you had a kickass time anyway. Again NOT and excuse just how I'm seeing things right now. This links with the Bombers as they always appear to be having a great time, win or lose.

Something that I think stands as a testament to the niceness of the young lady we were trying to surprise is that she actually apologised for not finding the time to talk to us on the day. Now we show up, unannounced, knowing how busy bout day is based on our previous experience and still she said sorry. We were there to show our support for you and the Bombers :D This will no doubt embarrass her to some extent but seeing as I've started I may as well continue along this ilk.

Someone, who shall remain nameless, turned to me and said this several times on the day of the bouts. "XXXX is never meeting Fish, she's too hot!" The same person also uttered "I think I may have a girl crush on Fish"

And now for the poster I got!

 http://lincolnshire-bombers.com/

Razzo, TNTash, Total Melfunction, AK47 Guns, Wilde, Miggins and Arry. Written from memory so do may be totally wrong!

Even more to add, I know I suck! Well when we went to sit down Eleanor was a little annoyed as I've most likely mentioned already. But she adapted rapidly and preserved her modesty with some deft cardie utilisation. Now we were sat in what I now know to be "suicide seats", there's a warning sign and everything. It read something along the lines of "Suicide seating, 18+ only, you may end up with a roller girl in your lap, lucky you!" As you can imagine this sealed the deal and I stayed firmly in my suicide seat.

As a result there were several occasions when skaters came hurtling our way! But owing to their rather awesome ability to go from top speed to a dead stop my lap remained a roller girl free zone :-(. Now Eleanor strikes me as being rather fearledss but this thought was decimated on the day. I realise this is the wrong use of decimate as the thought was not divided into ten pieces but forgive me or kick up a fuss. I know none of you will :-P Everytime a collision between ourselves and a roller girl or ref looked likely she either leant behind me or grabbed my arm/leg. As much as I enjoy being useful I am not so sure about being a human shield.

That said taking impacts was a big part of what made me any good at sports. Henry Draper once broke his right hand on my face! Yep my head is that hard that it can break hands. This next anecdote is the one I'm more surprised by. I think we were in year 10 or 11 and KEVIS, Louth. We would regularly play rounders during the summer and I was on second base. Kat Hetherington was on first base and as the ball was struck into the air she set off for my base, as it was second and usually one would progress from first to second before moving onto third and finally fourth.

I was stood between second base and first base with my back to first base. This was because I had the ball heading my way and I wasn't about to drop a catch. I catch the ball and hear something of a kerfuffle coming from the opposition. I glance behind me to see Kat sprawled out on the grass. She had apparently legged it without looking and run straight into my mighty back. Now Kat is a very slight, in comparison to my hulking frame, and I honestly didn't feel a thing when she ran into me full pelt. So maybe if I were to take a hit from a roller girl at full speed it wouldn't be so bad!

I feel I should clarify that I was joking, I don't for one second think I would really stand much of a chance of staying upright if this were to ever happen. As tough as I was in my youth I am not the street fighting badman I once was. That said I'm still kinda curious to see how hard those girls hit...