This is natural but to me it doesn't make sense. Approaching it from a survival point of view, everything about us is geared for it after all. That is to say senses, emotions etc. should all aid survival and not hinder it.
Am I making sense? I never get any feedback from the millions who glance my inane blabbering, so I'm pretty much sat here talking to myself!
So we are built to survive, agreed. Say you try to build a shelter and fail miserably. You'll feel down and not really want to build a shelter because you've failed at it. As a result of having no shelter your physical well being will be at the the whim of the weather. Now after a few days/nights of being toasted or excessively moistened you'll likely find your motivation to have another bash at building a shelter.
It's all about pay off. Whenever you do anything in a survival situation it is about what you get in return for an action. Returning to the shelter example, you put in a certain quantity of effort to try and construct the shelter and the first time you got nothing out of it.
So say you output 100 units of activity and get 0 in return. That's a pretty lousy deal right? So the body triggers a negative feeling to discourage this kind of activity i.e. activity that is unproductive. This, sort of, links back to a definition of insanity that's accredited to Einstein "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" Apparently not one of Albert's quotes anyone know where/who it originated from?
So the body is just trying to let you know that whatever you did last time didn't work so don't do it again. The issue is, for me at least, that I link the task with the emotion and not process/method I used. Back to the shelter, trying to build a shelter = failure and not whatever I did last time when trying to build a shelter = failure.
I feel better whenever I read that as it makes sense. This has been written very slowly, unlike everything else on here which is written at breakneck speed.
Have you ever done something and not expected anything in return for it? Certain tasks may not have any tangible returns. Such as volunteering, good deeds etc. But there is that sense of achievement/well being that comes along afterwards. Now I'm going to do something that is undeniably Hindu and that is quote the bhagavad gita! I am not religious but I have read the book a couple of times. This was primarily because it was given to me by someone who I think is awesome. What makes them all the more awesome is that they were incarcerated for many years but did not become bitter and twisted by the whole experience. If anything they became more peaceful!
The last time we met we spoke about personal limitations that are enforced, by ourselves, on a conscious or unconscious level. Such things as shyness, hesitation etc. Those two come to mind as they are two of the things I wish I didn't suffer from! Small things that we have come to accept as being "who we are" The annoying thing is that it's true. At that moment that is who we are. But I was definitely missing something and that is that it's only true in that particular moment. The fabulous thing about us human beings is that we have discretionary nature. That is to say we can choose how we are at any time. So whilst we may be a particular way this moment, if we were to choose and commit then, that does not have to be true in the next moment.
Does that make sense or am I being far too general again? Here's an effort at an example to illustrate my point. I used to work in the same office as an illustrator, I was about to go off on one of my tangential stories but I shall refrain, for now!
You work in a building with a lift that goes to the various floors. Your office is situated on floor eight and there is a friendly fellow who operates the lift. (I've never seen anyone who actually does this job!) Every day he flashes a friendly smile and offers a polite good morning. You do not smile and simply nod to acknowledge him in some way. Some people may think this is normal behaviour whilst others may see it as being a little cold. Either is ok by me but if you, the nodder, is bothered that you never return smiley good morning man's pleasantries then you've got a problem. You are doing something that is, in some way, causing you to suffer.
Now if you are the cause of your own suffering then you haven't really got much chance of relief. That is to say you can't really get away from yourself! Anyway back to my point...you don't have to act in that way. If you so choose you could act any way you want, the problem is the unfamiliarity. The threat is no longer physical but the reaction to the threat is as though it were physical. This is going to sound terribly airy fairy.
I have grown too attached to the idea of what I consider to be myself. The particular patterns of behaviour that I have adopted are familiar and comfortable. People have grown to expect those particular patterns from me and so they reinforce the idea that those behaviours are "me". Something of a prison that we help those around us to build for ourselves.
Does that make sense? I don't have anyone proof read my shtuff so it may not make sense. But I am painfully logical so I'm hoping that's good enough. This is by no means my own creations. I've listened to a lot of people speak about such things and read an awful lot too. Whilst what is said by each of them made sense it did not impact me at a deep enough level. That is to say I was not instantly changed. I had to experience, process and realise for myself. It has been a slow and painful process one which I am not done with, not even close.
And all that was an example of my reflective routine!
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