Unnecessary Traversal

I had an appointment at Grantham Hospital this Wednesday, today as I write this. It was to see a rehabilitation consultant for reasons I am yet to fathom. I lost the handy letter with all the details and a map on so rang up and was given specific instructions to report to outpatients before 09:30. So I show up at 09:05 with no paperwork and tell them what I've been told. A lovely lady volunteer ushers me to the automated touch screen check in thingy and informs me that they haven't got my details at the main outpatients desk so maybe rehab/physio round the corner will.

I stride there and talk to another lovely lady who goes and asks those behind the scenes if they are expecting me. As I write this I remember I handed her my driving license, my name is out of the ordinary so instead of spelling it I decided on this course of action. I have just checked my wallet to make sure I retrieved it, I did, crisis over. She tells me that they are not expecting me so I'm probably expected at the other rehab clinic at the other end of the hospital. It is now 09:20 and I am running out of time.

I walk towards maternity and eventually see signs for "Rehabilitation". And then I arrive at a temporary wall blocking off the only corridor that allows internal access to rehab from where I am. The wall is blocking off some building work, fantastic! So I head outside in the hope of bypassing the building work and re-entering the hospital via another entrance, success! I wander into the rehab bit and it is rather deserted. Two nice ladies tell me the session has already started and asked if I still wanted to go in. This is some sort of group therapy. I explain that I'm here because I had loads of nerve damage and muscle wastage after rupturing two discs in my lower back. They direct me back to the physio department from whence I came.

I arrive back at the physio department and tell the nice lady that I've been sent back. She rings my local physio dept to see if they know what in tarnation is going on. They instruct her to use pause/paws/pas? I dunno some system that she is yet to engage. She tells me the name of the doctor I am supposed to see and sends me back to the main outpatients reception. You may remember that this is where I started me jaunt around Grantham hospital.

I speak with the receptionist and she tells me to take a seat and I'll be called in in due course. A couple of minutes later the doc pops his head out the door and calls me in. Not fussed that I am ten minutes late! So what's the moral here? Hospitals are useless? The NHS is a joke? Possibly but what I took away from it is do not lose the appointment letter they send you. Had I had it this whole series of events would not have taken place. Remember when I said I learn things the hard way? As it so happens the hard way was a 35 minute walk around a hospital.

Odd bit of metal work I saw on my way to the hospital.

Twenty seven

It's quite the number! A perfect cube, the atomic number of an isotope of aluminium and my age. I'm writing mostly because I'm worried that the sciatic leg pain that signals the progression of a prolapsed disc may be back. I have some sore hammys. I don't know if that's because I went back to work and the seating arrangement is disagreeing with them or if I have a bulging disc or cartilage that's pressing on my sciatic nerve thus causing pain :-S

I don't want to do this all over again! But I've been so very good! Not heavy lifting, all my physio, sensible driving! What more can I do. If it goes it goes but it's such a hassle you would not believe! Ooh it might be because I decided to try some tricep dips on a frame, that is intended to aid one onto and off of the toilet.

The locked position I had to hold my legs in may account for the hamstring ache. I managed to scratch my leg on one of the screws as well :-S Ah well wait and see eh?

So how did I celebrate my birthday. I'll tell yee with some lovely home made cake, baked my my wonderful mother. Way too many biscuits and a dinner of pizza, chicken wings and fries! Now that's what I call dinner ! :D

Oh I was back at work and in the company of my irrepressible office. They were, more or less, as I'd left them. They did have a lovely new map on the wall my desk had been cleared of all the necessary post it notes I keep on it. A reminder of a time gone by in a windowless office. My posts had become a little introspective tending towards the more heavy aspects of my personality e.g. the retirement of my 10 year old running shoes and the 50th anniversary episode of Doctor who.

Ah facial hair! It was the last week of Movember when I returned and several members of the office had been furiously growing their facial hair. I had been tending my beard for 12 weeks when I strolled back into the office so I had them all beat hands down, had a head start and it's not like it was a race. But if it was...WINNING! I didn't get to see Director Drew's effort in person as he was off when I was there and I was off when he was there. All in all was rather impressed by the commitment :-D

I've held onto my tash, I quite like it.

The week ended with a party round Swapnal's. I was off the ale as my balance is iffy at best and I headed home at around 22:00. But before that the master of disaster, Mark Taylor, was in shining form. This started off when I offered him a lift to Tesco, standard supply run. He got uber excited and started describing how he doesn't feel safe whilst in Swapnal's car. I was dubious as young Swapnal is sensible in comparison to Mark. But this assumption was shattered when I witnessed him swerving around an old man in the carpark. What I forgot to factor in was that this is pretty much his first time behind the wheel since passing his test. I drove pretty much the same way for a few years after getting my licence.

This carried on when we got back to Swapnal's house on Eastbourne Street. Mark was nice enough to carry everything back to the house from the car, made him feel ever so manly. Bit of shuffling about and we settle down to a social game of poker. This is when I met Swapnal's new housemate...I've misplaced his name! I putting this down to being shattered. Anyways before we started playing Vicky gets home from work, won't be joining us as she's off to a dinner party! Now that is proper grown up shtuff! Gives me a hug and I catch the unmistakable scent of hugo boss. <Have just been informed that it was in fact Roberto Cavalli>

Poker begins and there is some initial testing of the water. I thought Mark would have learnt somethings since the last time we played. but no he hasn't the foggiest. Which makes him completely unreadable. Also means he crashes out first. Swapnal also surfaces with a pair of glasses, I didn't know he wore glasses. And that's because he doesn't need glassed but inspired by Tinie Tempah he's rocking the decorative specs. He rolls out and it's around this time Roger arrives. He's brought along some rather special beer!

In a box!

Had to take mine home as I am alcohol free for the time being...Not that I miss it but this looks a bit special so I kinda want to see what all the fuss is about! The game winds down till it's a head to head between two of us. So really social because there are just two guys involved :P Things degrade into blind all ins eventually resulting in my victory!

No money on the line so I won a pile of chips which were instantaneously tidied away.

The evening progresses to the inevitable drinking games. Something I suck at but owing to my ample frame I can take the hit. It's arrogance and Mark is not doing so well. Arrogance in a nutshell:

1. Pour as much of your drink into a glass in the middle as you want.
2. Someone else flips a coin and you guess the heads or tails.
3. If you guess right the glass passes on to the next person in the circle.
4. If you guess wrong you down whatevers in the glass.

So as you can see it's a game of chance but the gods of gaming are not on Marks side and he's worse for wear after a few rounds. Probs doesn't help that there are only three of them in the circle. Around this time Leona and Donna arrive. Along with jelly shots something I've got extensive experience with but I keep schtum. It's always fun to watch folk tussle with friction X-D

Time for cake

Delicious hot or cold, fyi.

But that's not all I also get given an expertly wrapped gift, Swapnal informs me Vicky is responsible for the wrapping as he is somewhat of a novice . I progress to reveal this awesomeness that is The Gigantic Beard That Was Evil!

Yep my actual thumb, yet again.

Beer pong! Mark is teamed with the ladies, naturally. They lose in epic style. Then there is some chat about your ideal woman. Now this is a topic I've given a lot of thought to and I didn't want commandeer the conversation. I have a tendency to make things wayyyyy too heavy with my over analytical/obsessive way of thinking. So after some more chat about a threeway, shop, Mark, Amandas, gelatin, acidity, closing, winman etiquette etc. I decide it's time for me to go. I am epically tired so I down a glass of coke so as to keep myself perky for the journey home.

It was then that I remembered I was wearing a scrum cap, from my days as a terrifying front row forward for Market Rasen and Louth RUFC! I'd brought along two other hats as well, both of which I'd intended to wear and completely forgotten about :-S.

After getting home I discover that it is SDRG's last bout with LBRG tomorrow so she was understandably saving her energy. Turns out Phil Jupitas was commentating and even had a bit of a post bout spoon with the squad! Mucho jealous on two accounts there i.e. they got to spoon with big Phil and he got to spoon with them! Ooh this leads me to a slightly obscure conversation, of sorts, I had with one of SDRG's friends.

The gist of a drawing posted echoed Neil Gaiman's advice in the speech, "make good art". She actually said "If life gets you down - draw." Problem is I can't draw :-S So what does an artistically challenged individual do when they feel down? Well I listen to cheesy upbeat themes and, hand on heart, I dance :-O Now I suck at dancing but it sure gets me out of whatever funk I'm in.


Some songs that get me up :-D.

Taught or learning?

From time to time I feel like someone is trying to teach me a lesson. Thing is I don't really like it if someone is trying to teach me something. Kinda feels like it's being enforced, know what I mean? Alternatively I could see every experience as an opp to learn. Puts it on me to try and get something useful out of all the shizzle that goes down.

I was intro'd to a structured way to do this, really simple once you've heard it:

1. Sit down at the end of each day, reheheally hard right?
2. Go over key interactions/events
3. Identify what you did "right" so you can repeat/build on them.
4. Pick up what you did "wrong" so you can improve/not do it again.

Simples, right? I do try to do this so I can become more effective! But I tend to get sidetracked by all the other interesting, but inane, things that are occurring around the globe.

Yep that's a mongoose facing off against a cobra. You see the kind of distraction I have to put up with?!? Did you know that the mongoose isn't immune to cobra venom they're just really fast so that can dodge, hence Ace Ventura's phrase "Speed of a mongoose!"  

Anyway onwards to what I think I should be learning from my current situation. Now we tend not to appreciate something till it's gone. Friends, parents, weather etc. I'm totally guilty of this and recently I was reminded of something that I shouldn't take for granted. My health. I've prolapsed a couple of discs in my back which has resulted in a lot of pain. Not only pain but my mobility has been reduced spending most of the day laying down in my side.

Before you all get incredibly worried this is not a big deal. It hurts and it sucks that I can't leap about for the time being but I've got my bro and my lovely mother with me. And a network of medical contacts the likes of which the world has never seen before ;-D

When it first happened the muscles in my back went into massive spasm. So I went home and laid down. And in a time honoured tradition of sportsmen everywhere I tried to walk it off! I did this by stretching my lower back and buttocks with every technique I had encountered in my many years of being a gym dweller. When nothing worked I called physio, he gave me one exercise n told me it was way too early to do anything. I needed to rest. So after a bit word spreads and what followed was an intense intercontinental discussion about wtf my next step should be.

Whilst the debate was raging in the background nature inevitably called. I had to bite the bullet and get up. So after a lot of shuffling I got up and experienced the most pain I had ever felt in my 26 years. Now I've broken my toes, fingers, had numerous cuts, torn many a muscle and been punched in the face more times than I care to remember but this pain was on an entirely different level. Every movement sent a crazy jolt of new pain through my back. Once back I crashed on the bed and could hardly breathe. This was because when I inhaled the pain would increase, making me breathe in little and out quickly.

With tears in my eyes I gained a glimpse into the world of those who live with levels of pain equal to or above this on a daily basis. The muscles in my back were in such tight spasm that I could only take small steps, also saw what it must be like to be old n stiff. Everything was such and effort, still is atm so I have massive respect for all those old folks out there doing it for themselves.

Funny thing about me is that I don't progress or grow when the going is good. If things are easy I tend to sit back and rot. There is something I heard once that applies here I think.

This pain first started sometime in 2009 when I felt a pop in my back when getting up from the decline bench. This wrecked but being the stubborn twentysomething that I was I went back to the gym the next day and did a full bi n tri workout. After a bit of rest I hit cardio like a madman and experienced a time of well being. But then old habits resurfaced and started building it up again. In my foolishness I neglected my lower back. The excuse was that it was weak and I didn't want to hurt it.

Surely it's the weaknesses that need addressing before you strengthen your strengths, DUH! Well my back was always a bit iffy, stiff, sore etc. In 2011 I went for a programme called BSP which was the most intense experience of my life. Made all my muscles ache like nothing I'd ever felt before. Once the fatigue wore off my back pain was gone! I was over the moon. But bad posture etc brought the pain back soon enough.

I got a taster of my current situation in Feb '13. My arrogance got the better of me and I decided to move 60kg of water bottles in one go. What happened was either muscle spasm or prolapse. This particular brand of agony kept me awake for a week straight. My mood deteriorated and I grew increasingly angry at the pain that wouldn't let me rest. I found my release when I realised who was to blame for this situation. ME! In my foolishness I had hurt myself and so I was reaping what I had sown. I actually laid on the floor laughing at myself, actually hurts to laugh! Cruel and unusual punishment indeed!

On a sidenote I love the saying "Reap the whirlwind". Looked it up and apparently it's from the hebrew bible!

I grew kinder from my pain and became even more sensitive to my surroundings. Then my world was shaken up and I hardened up. It's well documented what happened, have a read through my shtuff from April and May :-D So this time the pain is back. But that's not all. I've got numbness running down my right and left legs. Recently I've lost most of the movement in my right foot. Means I kinda drag my lower leg around from my quad.

I did despair when I first noticed this was the case. My mind started racing thinking what happens if this is permanent? But I've seen a bigshot spinal specialist and he's not so worried. Off to see him again soon so I'll know if this is something to be worried about or not. It has given me an insight into what it's like to be paralysed. Not saying I can fully appreciate it but I've got a teeny tiny idea.

Picture this, you're sat in a chair. Your favourite chair, you've got a fave chair right? If not pick one that's nice n comfy. But really who doesn't have a fave chair? Your legs are out in front of you with your feet resting on the floor. You want to raise your right foot whilst keeping your heel on the ground. Follow what I'm asking you to do?

That kinda movement but whilst you are sat down. What is it that you think in order to make that happen? In my case it's not really a thought. In so much as I can't really explain what I'm doing when I command my foot to move. Now I stare at my right foot whilst thinking whatever it is that makes it move and nothing happens. Now that is such a weird thing to see! My foot is there, I can feel the floor under it but when I tell it to move it does nothing.

I know why this is happening so it's not as worrying but it's still a little scary :-O ;-D The prolapsed disc is pushing on nerves thus causing the tingling and also reducing the movement in my right foot. Should sort itself out in a few weeks. It has given me a reason to bust out the cane I bought for a costume party 11 years ago! Yep I am using it in the wrong way, on the same side as my weak leg. I really need a crutch but I'm debating whether to buy one or see whether I can score one off the NHS.