The World

It is the name of Dio's stand in Stardust Crusaders! Yet to finish reading part three, it was my lunchtime reading when I used to work in Kenya. I've not gotten back to it! The word itself has a germanic route and means the age of man. So not a spacial geography but a temporal marker.

So this is a list of all the countries that the analytics bit of blogger tells me has readers of my blog in!

• Macau
• South Korea
• United States
• United Kingdom
• Poland
• Russia
• Germany
• Hong Kong
• Thailand
• Ukraine
• Chile
• Saudi Arabia
• Malaysia
• Russia
• Netherlands
• Indonesia
• Serbia
• Australia
• France
• Nepal
• Spain
• Sweden
• Canada
• Denmark

I wrote the list and then highlighted so I could add the bullet points. Which country do you think Blogger refused to recognise with it's own bullet? Come now peruse the list and pick a country, I insist. It was of course France! Only seen Paris and it was a bit of a let down. Mostly because we did all the touristy stuff in one day and spent the rest of the time steeped in Tamil culture. One of the many blessings/curses of having family all over the world. You have free accommodation and food regardless of what continent you're on but that does mean you probably won't have an opportunity to sample the local cuisine.

Well now that's out of the way I can get with what really matters. That is of course the phenomenon that is taking the globe at a sensible pace Nicnomications!

Like this and get allocated a mood. Your task is to find a picture of Nicolas Cage fitting the mood. Because neknominate got too mainstream and corporate etc.

I got quizzical from Cara!

Gifs they make the world a better place. My personal favourite involves a post-it note and a cat, don't worry I'll share it somewhere down the line. It's been rather amazing to see the many faces of Nicolas Cage. So far: Jubilant, smouldering, feisty, pugnacious, smug, expectant, impudent, nonchalant, raging and many more :D 

I had a chat with another legend from my recent past. A man who knows everything there is about business and people. And I realised that my CV is stuck in the past so I rewrote it. Well I rewrote it and it turned into something of a monstrosity as my last job appears to have been the most varied occupation I've ever undertaken. I'm in the process of boiling it back down, boiled it too much and ended up with burnt residue on the pan. Residue aside I am on my way to a CV that works :D

And now we come to the subject of roller derby. I love this sport as evidenced in several posts

Roller Derby = Awesome - All about the four bouts I've seen in person
More Quotes - Based around a quote from a legendary Rollergirl. Tweeted it to her and got a favourite!
WFTDA Champs - My experience of the world championships. American times make me sleepy.

I think that's it but I do have passing references peppered all over this funny little blog. I take that back it may be funny and a blog but is most certainly not little. Something like 1500 words per post so that's like over a 100,000 words! Back to the matter in hand, roller derby! So ages ago there was a shout out on the Lincolnshire Bombers Roller Girls, LBRG, fb page asking if anyone wanted to be an NSO. That's the none skating official in case you were wondering. Just prior to this I had had a brief chat with SDRG about how much I wanted to give the sport a crack but my bodies tendency to crack had left me unable. I should clear up that I don't have a tendency for cocaine, crack, my body tends to break in odd ways. Most recently at the lumbar spine level.

Moving past my spine we come to the suggestion of NSOing with the promise of a pink t shirt. I was sold already but now I am positively bouncing around like a tool. So I drop them a message and they say that once the season gets going they'll holla at me. So I forget all about it and get on with the task of finding myself a job.

Going to bust a quote yo, apologies for the yoing I've been listening to some Jesse Pinkman and that guy busts yo a lot. It's about creating the right conditions in order for something to happen. The example used is flowers, if you you want particular flowers you have to consider the soil, manure, water, climate, shade etc. If you just talk about the flowers then they won't happen. Well it looks like I've unconsciously set myself up for one thing and as chance would have it it's what I need in order max myself. I've got the internal contemplative stuff now to add the next level.

So back to NSOing. The head NSO I think that's her title. Not sure my initial thought was chief NSO but that sounds a little military. Anyways I got an email asking if I'd be interested in coming along to a scrimmage to get up to speed with NSO tings. In my mind I was shouting yes but this translated to no action being taken. I ended up replying late last night the day before the scrim. Anyway it all worked out but I did turn up an hour or so early. My own fault for not confirming the time. Was treated to the sight of off skate conditioning. Circuit training! Something I have not participated in since I was a teen. It sends me into a fit of nostalgia as I see shuttle runs, squats dips, pushups, ski sits, superman, person traversing and piggyback shuttle runs!

And then it's time to begin and I take my place next to Arry as her shadow. Never done this stuff before so I'll be watching as she bosses the penalty box. But then Mel comes over and says I actually get to do something! I am quite the fan of doing things. I'm handed a sheet and led through the steps involved in line up tracking. Write down numbers, star passes, which pass the opposition jammer is on, in and out passes for penalties. Doing this only hammered home how fast each jam is! There were three halves and I found myself watching intently  the whole time.

Very high ceiling on account of it being a venue for sports the involve balls and maybe trampolines. There is a sport that combines the the two.... SLAMBALL! I noticed the girders were rather dusty but the layer of dust wasn't disrupted intermittently. It looks like balls regularly bounce off the girders thereby causing the dappled effect. And yes I did spot a ball stuck between a girder and the ceiling, classic :-D It also had the mandatory lines all over the floor. I deciphered the basketball and badminton lines but there was a whole other set that I had no idea about. 5 a side football? Dunno. I'll be back next week to attend a workshop, some more NSOing, watch the lego movie and dress up as something I think should be wiped out of existence.

My favourite gif clicky for it's natural environment

Farewell SDRG!

Yes you do have a codename and it was born out of convenience. I was referring to you as the roller girl who draws in secret so often that I decided SDRG was a handier :-)

When I heard the news you were moving away I initially got all panicky! Mostly because, in my mind, you were moving away imminently. From announcement to final move there will be about six weeks, so panic for no reason. In all honesty is there ever a good reason to panic? I mean does it really help the situation at all. Best to remain cool, calm, just like my mom, with a couple of Valium inside her palm. If anyone get's that reference I shall do a little victory dance. One that doesn't involve moving my feet, kinda lacking power in the calves and stability in my lower spine atm.

After burning my panic with some modified chest exercises I look towards what do I do now? Well try and think of a kick ass leaving gift of course. What do I know about SDRG? Well she's a rollergirl, illustrator, practical, loves sleep, wears odd socks, wicked core strength...not really steering me in the direction of a gift of any description right?

So I look through drawings and I find this:

Now that's something I can work with! I hack slash and finally find what I'm looking for...a hat! It's gonna have to be a custom hat featuring the 2013 logo of SDRG AKA Fish. I'm still in a bit of a panic so I push the order through at ridiculous speed. The lovely people at www.clothes2order.com were awesome! When the application wasn't working on the hat I'd picked the called to ask about a swap over. And it arrived a couple of days after I ordered it, speedy!

I may have fathomed why the only thing I could think of was a hat. I'd decided that all in attendance would have to wear hats at my birthday do round Swaps house which was happening the same week I heard the news.

I know you're itching to see the finished product but I've got more of the story to tell. The hat's good but it wouldn't be epic enough. What to do???? Of course get our old windowless office fam to model the hat thus showing their support for SDRG. I forgot to do this on several occasions and remembered towards the end of a birthday party round Swaps. Just my luck after taking two more pics my camera runs out of juice!

Oh I'd had another brainwave LBRG or Lincolnshire Bombers Roller girls. If they were involved somehow this would be all the more awesome. I mean what wouldn't get more awesome if you threw some rollergirls into the mix? So I sent a tentative message to the Bombers FB page. A reply shot back full of enthusiasm! Last practice before Christmas :-D I knew it was at Yarborough Leisure Centre and it was on Sunday the 15th. I had neglected to ask what time it would be at so I sneakily sent the centre a message asking and they kindly provided the info, 10:00 - 14:00. Four hour practice on a Sunday, now that's hardcore!

My choice of footwear. Why this was a bad choice will become apparent soon enough.

Having surreptitiously acquired the info that she would be attending her nans birthday that week I thought I'd got access to a practice that would be Fish free thus keeping the surprise in tact :-D But that wasn't the case! She was back and this made me think that I'd get some pics with the squad and then give her the hat! Thought my best bet was to get there early so as not to get in the way of practice. As I roll up I spot Mizza Murica in the car park. I know most of the squad by their skating names just a bit of a fan...

Get all my gear together, psyche myself up, pick up my walking stick and stride into the leisure centre with a sense of purpose. After several seconds of staring around aimlessly I realise I have no idea where to go, the nice lady at reception gave me great directions :-D I briefly lose my bottle and regroup in the gents, assuming I'd be safe from the roller girls in the gents. I realise how ridiculous I'm being and step back into the hall. I proceed to awkwardly introduce myself. If there's one thing I know how to be it's awkward!

Breaking up my block text with a little Jerome Jarre :-D So I open with "Hello not sure if I'm in the right place but I've got a hat" To which Carolyn replies "You must be Ron." They know who I am! Lil sets my up with a little space down the corridor and round a corner so as to hide me from direct view. She then sends LBRG members down in a steady flow as they arrive for practice. I'm a little blown away by how well this is going :-D I'm informed Fish has arrived so I pack up my gear prepare to dash down the corridor past a large opening to the sports hall.

Anyone see a problem with my escape vector? There is a large opening through which I could be spotted :-S But that's not my biggest problem. I'm dressed in a sky blue shirt, jeans and a long dark overcoat. Pretty much the perfect outfit for sneaking if you're in a crowd. But not if you're in an empty corridor adjacent to a sports hall! Coupled with my bright orange shoes and slow gait I must have been quite the sight. In all the excitement I'd not explained to all of LBRG that it was supposed to be a surprise. This coupled with my loud exit makes me thing she must know what's going on!

From an awesome company in Manchester Clothes2Order :-D

So I still have to get the hat to SDRG somehow. A send off of some sort would set the scene perfectly for such a transaction to take place. I rally our old office and come up with Saturday the 21st as MT Birch would be kicking about in the vicinity and would be able to swing on by! But it looks like the day isn't good for anyone else :-( I reschedule for sometime early Jan but the message doesn't reach MT Birch till the night before when he tells us he'll be in Lincoln midday. I am uber gutted :-(

He's only in Derby so a enquire if he'd be up for a visit on the 23rd or 24th. He says sure and I bez my way to Derby early on Monday morning. Only took my about an hour! And we chilled round his house for a bit where he tells me I remind him of Greg House. Medical genius? Nay I'm wearing jeans, trainers, bearded, sporting a long coat coupled with a cane. Ok I'll admit I was unintentionally emanating a strong house vibe. Heading off to grab some coffee I realise just how rainy a day I've picked to frequent this bit of the world. I get a gingerbread latte and immediately regret getting cream. I have a tash so most drinks seep into it.

As you can see not a tash friendly beverage. Discussions included core workouts, joint hypermobility, hemp conspiracies, bowel movements, gamification, chicken nuggets, psychopaths and moisturisers. Mark pointed also let me in on his reasoning behind why he thinks SDRG is the most likely to be a psycho from our windowless office. When he asked me who I thought it was I could only come up with me :-S No remorse plus fearless dominance?

This conversation cropped up in Mcdonalds. The car park was rammed so some geniuses had resorted to parking willy nilly making it impossible to get out of the spaces! After some fruitless reversing a no nonsense woman takes charge of the situation and tells me to lock the wheels before I start moving. Doing so frequently would scrub the tyres but in this instance it was the only way to get out. It ended up being a 20 point turn! Back at Marc's house he gives me Swapnal's bday present and some Christmas cards for the office! It is now that I remember that I've got the hat in the car! I get a shot of him, hug it out and get back home in time for tea.

And that's the end of the hat story. Well not quite as it hasn't made it's way to it's intended recipient. The plan was to meet up the first weekend after new years. So I send out a smoke signal and what comes back is that it'll be an intimate meal for four. Not to be sniffed at as the four are Crafty Patel, Tin tin Taylor, SDRG and me! Ribs n Bibs here comes four folk who worked in the same office for about six months, seven months ago! Three of them still work in an office together, it has windows but no running water. Swings and roundabouts.

Meeting up at spoons beforehand it comes to light that only half the expected turnout has turned out. Mark is having a starter with Amandas in another wetherspoons. Makes total sense. I inform SDRG and she tells me she's currently dismantling a bed, i know awesome right?! Me and my fellow craftsman discuss various gym tings, valentines day, butlins, fm transmitters, engines and vegas.

Now it's time to make the 4 minute walk to Ribs n Bibs, at least that's what google would have you believe. We see Mark on the way and stride up the hill. It is now that I realise I had underestimated the steepness of the hill. Rather winded by the time we make it to the second front door. Waiting around for Fish and less than a minute later she emerges from the gloom with a package for yours truly. No explanation to the other two in attendance. It was of course something rare, a t shirt featuring zebras.

Did you spot Ironman?

The booking was for 5 so we end up with an oversized table. The racial tension is immediately apparent as team crafty and team northern occupy opposite sides of the table. Swapnal orders a root beer float, a decision he immediately regrets as it tastes like tiger balm. Everyone else, myself included, heard tiger bomb. It's like a jager bomb but made with real bits of tiger, 60% of the time...it works every time. Our starters arrive and Swapnal is too quick off the mark and inhales the vaporised vinegar fumes coming off his buffalo wings. Buffalo sauce - vinegar based cayenne pepper hot sauce. A situation I find wholly hilarious. Around now I noticed that my sleeves were far too long. My one shirt that requires cufflinks and I always forget that it requires cufflinks. I look like an Elizabethan dandy...

Starters down and the mains arrive in force. But before that Mark notices that gravy was misspelt he points this out to his favourite waitress, Chloe. Yep he remembers her name from when we first frequented the restaurant back in April. There is a video as well! She shows up with a sponge and corrects the spelling. It appears as though the bread is no where near big enough to accommodate the contents: two burgers, pulled pork and coleslaw. A jolly wrestle into my mouth results in sauce all over my hands face and a little on my shirt :-/. Mark also secures a second helping of coleslaw as he is renowned for his enormous appetite and speed of consumption. He also announces that he has a firm idea of his wedding playlist and his dress is going to be backless.

Anyone who has seen him on a night out knows his compulsion to start conversations with anyone. Sarah describes this as him forcing himself on people in social situations. I take this a step further and give him the title of social rapist. It's even in the urban dictionary! 

social rape

(n., v.t.,) When someone approaches you and initializes conversation without your consent, regardless of what you're doing, who else you're talking to, or if you respond. 

The cheque arrives and I decide to hand over the hat that I've been ferrying hither and dither for just over a month. Expertly wrapped in the packaging it came in. After a brief inspection Sarah comments that the printing has been done rather well. I smile and nod stuff printed on fabric, not my wheel house. I then enquire as to whether she saw me creeping away after taking pics of the squad in the hat. She didn't!

We walk about 20 yards and end up in the Strait and Narrow. After five seconds Mark is talking to two old boys who are propping up the bar. The social rapist strikes again! Upon sitting down the racial tension disintegrates as team crafty and team northern are shuffled. I ask about what kind of core training skaters do. Turns out it's pretty much what I do with the addition of crunches. My quest for an uber core continues. I then ask whether it'd be cool for us to visit sometime after Sarah moves. We come to the conclusion that Mark will drive everyone up once he passes his test.

We declare that we'll be bringing a new pet for the Fisher family and it comes to light that SDRG's sister had a garter snake. I chip in with how you can freeze a garter snake and thaw it out with no damage to the snake. I begin to doubt myself as one of the first things I ever told Sarah was that most dalmatians are deaf. Not true. Apparently I'm rather believable, say something with enough conviction and people will believe you. Turns out the garter snake thing is true!

I get all giddy as I remember I'd watched the WFTDA finals. Problem is I watched so much so fast that I'm not really able to discuss it in any detail. Always on edge to hear more about roller derby and SDRG gives me some homework. Watching last years final! :-D She goes on to tell me that she used to put on bouts and fall asleep to them. I did the exact same thing! But with Scrubs. Fall asleep with my scrubs collection playing in the background. Intermittently wake up to hear EAGLE!

This is where the story ends! We all went home.

I had meant to ask her about the last Harry Potter film. I didn't really understand how Harry stayed alive :-S

So that's the story behind the hat!

Twenty seven

It's quite the number! A perfect cube, the atomic number of an isotope of aluminium and my age. I'm writing mostly because I'm worried that the sciatic leg pain that signals the progression of a prolapsed disc may be back. I have some sore hammys. I don't know if that's because I went back to work and the seating arrangement is disagreeing with them or if I have a bulging disc or cartilage that's pressing on my sciatic nerve thus causing pain :-S

I don't want to do this all over again! But I've been so very good! Not heavy lifting, all my physio, sensible driving! What more can I do. If it goes it goes but it's such a hassle you would not believe! Ooh it might be because I decided to try some tricep dips on a frame, that is intended to aid one onto and off of the toilet.

The locked position I had to hold my legs in may account for the hamstring ache. I managed to scratch my leg on one of the screws as well :-S Ah well wait and see eh?

So how did I celebrate my birthday. I'll tell yee with some lovely home made cake, baked my my wonderful mother. Way too many biscuits and a dinner of pizza, chicken wings and fries! Now that's what I call dinner ! :D

Oh I was back at work and in the company of my irrepressible office. They were, more or less, as I'd left them. They did have a lovely new map on the wall my desk had been cleared of all the necessary post it notes I keep on it. A reminder of a time gone by in a windowless office. My posts had become a little introspective tending towards the more heavy aspects of my personality e.g. the retirement of my 10 year old running shoes and the 50th anniversary episode of Doctor who.

Ah facial hair! It was the last week of Movember when I returned and several members of the office had been furiously growing their facial hair. I had been tending my beard for 12 weeks when I strolled back into the office so I had them all beat hands down, had a head start and it's not like it was a race. But if it was...WINNING! I didn't get to see Director Drew's effort in person as he was off when I was there and I was off when he was there. All in all was rather impressed by the commitment :-D

I've held onto my tash, I quite like it.

The week ended with a party round Swapnal's. I was off the ale as my balance is iffy at best and I headed home at around 22:00. But before that the master of disaster, Mark Taylor, was in shining form. This started off when I offered him a lift to Tesco, standard supply run. He got uber excited and started describing how he doesn't feel safe whilst in Swapnal's car. I was dubious as young Swapnal is sensible in comparison to Mark. But this assumption was shattered when I witnessed him swerving around an old man in the carpark. What I forgot to factor in was that this is pretty much his first time behind the wheel since passing his test. I drove pretty much the same way for a few years after getting my licence.

This carried on when we got back to Swapnal's house on Eastbourne Street. Mark was nice enough to carry everything back to the house from the car, made him feel ever so manly. Bit of shuffling about and we settle down to a social game of poker. This is when I met Swapnal's new housemate...I've misplaced his name! I putting this down to being shattered. Anyways before we started playing Vicky gets home from work, won't be joining us as she's off to a dinner party! Now that is proper grown up shtuff! Gives me a hug and I catch the unmistakable scent of hugo boss. <Have just been informed that it was in fact Roberto Cavalli>

Poker begins and there is some initial testing of the water. I thought Mark would have learnt somethings since the last time we played. but no he hasn't the foggiest. Which makes him completely unreadable. Also means he crashes out first. Swapnal also surfaces with a pair of glasses, I didn't know he wore glasses. And that's because he doesn't need glassed but inspired by Tinie Tempah he's rocking the decorative specs. He rolls out and it's around this time Roger arrives. He's brought along some rather special beer!

In a box!

Had to take mine home as I am alcohol free for the time being...Not that I miss it but this looks a bit special so I kinda want to see what all the fuss is about! The game winds down till it's a head to head between two of us. So really social because there are just two guys involved :P Things degrade into blind all ins eventually resulting in my victory!

No money on the line so I won a pile of chips which were instantaneously tidied away.

The evening progresses to the inevitable drinking games. Something I suck at but owing to my ample frame I can take the hit. It's arrogance and Mark is not doing so well. Arrogance in a nutshell:

1. Pour as much of your drink into a glass in the middle as you want.
2. Someone else flips a coin and you guess the heads or tails.
3. If you guess right the glass passes on to the next person in the circle.
4. If you guess wrong you down whatevers in the glass.

So as you can see it's a game of chance but the gods of gaming are not on Marks side and he's worse for wear after a few rounds. Probs doesn't help that there are only three of them in the circle. Around this time Leona and Donna arrive. Along with jelly shots something I've got extensive experience with but I keep schtum. It's always fun to watch folk tussle with friction X-D

Time for cake

Delicious hot or cold, fyi.

But that's not all I also get given an expertly wrapped gift, Swapnal informs me Vicky is responsible for the wrapping as he is somewhat of a novice . I progress to reveal this awesomeness that is The Gigantic Beard That Was Evil!

Yep my actual thumb, yet again.

Beer pong! Mark is teamed with the ladies, naturally. They lose in epic style. Then there is some chat about your ideal woman. Now this is a topic I've given a lot of thought to and I didn't want commandeer the conversation. I have a tendency to make things wayyyyy too heavy with my over analytical/obsessive way of thinking. So after some more chat about a threeway, shop, Mark, Amandas, gelatin, acidity, closing, winman etiquette etc. I decide it's time for me to go. I am epically tired so I down a glass of coke so as to keep myself perky for the journey home.

It was then that I remembered I was wearing a scrum cap, from my days as a terrifying front row forward for Market Rasen and Louth RUFC! I'd brought along two other hats as well, both of which I'd intended to wear and completely forgotten about :-S.

After getting home I discover that it is SDRG's last bout with LBRG tomorrow so she was understandably saving her energy. Turns out Phil Jupitas was commentating and even had a bit of a post bout spoon with the squad! Mucho jealous on two accounts there i.e. they got to spoon with big Phil and he got to spoon with them! Ooh this leads me to a slightly obscure conversation, of sorts, I had with one of SDRG's friends.

The gist of a drawing posted echoed Neil Gaiman's advice in the speech, "make good art". She actually said "If life gets you down - draw." Problem is I can't draw :-S So what does an artistically challenged individual do when they feel down? Well I listen to cheesy upbeat themes and, hand on heart, I dance :-O Now I suck at dancing but it sure gets me out of whatever funk I'm in.


Some songs that get me up :-D.

Wax on, wax off

And so it begins. It is the month of my birth, what month was I born in folks? If you're assuming that I was born in the month that this was published then maybe you should consider what assumption is the brother of? And that is of course...all fuck ups. Just to clarify assumption is the brother of all fuck ups. Now that's a reference to something! If you get the reference then I shall hold your hand and skip down the street or buy you a kite Your choice.

Have you even considered the possibility that I wrote this in any of the other 11 months of the year? The more astute amongst you will have noticed I kicked off this writing jaunt in April 2013. So it would be sensible to deduce that this was likely written between then and now. So that gives you a whole eight months to choose from. Choose wisely as you only get one chance and YOU'RE OUT!

Yeah I was born in November. A time when the earth shuddered and the sky cracked as a bouncing ball of a baby boy was born :D I was a bit of an energetic toddler and quite the linguist. According to the tales my many relatives tell I could speak fluently before I could walk. And as soon as I could walk I was running away from everyone. I once followed a cat in an airport.

Bit of an abrupt shift away from my reminiscing to what is now yesterday, Friday the 8th of November. A couple of days before that I came across this pic on FB

Been altered to show UK times click to see the original

I had been mulling it over, I've seen 4 bouts and enjoyed them all thoroughly. Here's an opportunity to see some of the worlds best going at it. Just to clarify I wasn't about to fly out to America there was a live stream available :-D.

I think I'm right in thinking that the London Rollergirls, LRG, are the only team from overseas! During the first bout they commented that they were the first international team. I sure love trailblazers :-D Takes something special to do stuff no one has ever done before. Ties in with Arnie's six rules as well. You can see them here :-D. Yep I am referring you back to another post, it's all about my leg issues.

I got my wires crossed an thought the first game was at 16:00. But it was actually at 20:00. Giving me ages to sit around and work myself into something of an anxious mess. I don't know why I was sooo anxious! I think my excitement coupled with the bucket of coffee I drank  that made me uber jittery. FYI I don't drink coffee from a bucket. I actually drink it from a large, black, ceramic mug that can hold, approximately, a pint in volume. I think I got it for my 21st birthday. I used to have a big glass tankard from which all my beverages were consumed but one day it shattered as a result of coming into contact with some hot water! A sad day indeed...

I'd been off the caffeine for ages, save for a cup of tea that I have first thing in the morning. This pint of extra strong bean juice knocked my head off! Figuratively speaking, my head is still very much attached to my body.

Don't let this pic fool you it doesn't come with choccy hobnobs.

Ah I have my regular chat with @shortbistro around 19:30. We get on famously so our conversations tend to stretch towards the hour mark. This would mean I'd miss the first bout! So at 20:20 I say my goodbyes and turn my attention to the bout. Clicking through I am met with this:

Noooooooo!

It's fast approaching 20:30 and I am rather deflated but determined. So I start perusing various social media outlets, That's a lie, I went to FB and found the WFTDA page. Turns out that more people than anticipated had tried to access the service causing an overload.

There was a lot of outrage, apparently not the first time this had happened. I sit and wait and then inspiration hits me and I start refreshing the stream page. On about the 20th time I get through to the stream!

Still the first half but LRG are down. I'm kinda confused as the cameras keep cutting from view to view and the feed keeps buffering. I have a hard enough time following what's going on when I'm by the track, soooo much happening at once!

I think that's when half time was declared and and I hear the kick ass phrase "Play dirty, smell clean!" Notorious RED are the sponsor for the penalty box. They make a deodorant for the all the safety gear that skaters use. I've got some personal experience when it comes to odious safety gear. Was a rugby player in my early to mid teens, now a decade ago! The main source of my stench came from my shin pads, as they rarely saw the light of day. Hidden away under my socks or in my kit bag! My favourite festering recollection is from leaving boots, liberally encased in fresh mud, in a locker over half term. If you were lucky you'd get grass shoots growing out of the mud on your boots!

Back on topic and it's half time. I thnk LRG are down but not significantly. I didn't take any notes :-S Should take notes! There is much back and forth, that is to say the rhythm shifts between Atlanta and LRG. Oh and this is where I saw the deftness of a jammer. Kamikaze Kitten was jamming when the commentators start waxing lyrical about how she is able to exploit the smallest of gaps. I've never been one for precision, anyone remember Ajax and his warhammer?

I really, really want one!

As I watch her jam I see precision and skill that left staring with my mouth open. Genuinely I looked like a bit of a simpleton. Thing is I am a bit of a simpleton, sooo...
Some kick as play and the bout finished 184 - 169 to Atlanta. Now I did witness an occurrence that I'd only ever read about until Friday evening. This was a star pass, jammer passes the starred helmet cover to a pivot to get a set of fresh legs jamming. Between Stephanie Mainey and Kami. Some of you may know that I'm not a roller girl/dude, rather hopeless on skates. And until last weekend I'd only ever seen 4 bouts. Wondering why I was reading the rules?

Well it was of course because my mouth had written a cheque and my ego was insisting that I cash it. I'd said there has to be a loophole somewhere in the WFTDA rules and the Roller Girl who Draws in Secret, SDRG, had presented me with a link to all the rules and said that if I could handle them in one sitting she'd be impressed. Now what I heard was "You'll never be able to read and understand all these, MUHAHAHA!" So I set about reading all the rules in a single sitting, which I did! Recalling them, they're in there but not in any particular order. So in your face SDRG :-P This did kinda backfire at the first bout I went to, I was charged with explaining wtf was going on to Mark n Swapnal. A job I did half assedly as I was far too busy being befuddled by the general awesomeness of the first bout I'd ever seen. Details here of the first four bouts I'd ever seen.

So there were four bouts on that night and I was determined to see as many as I could!

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 8, 2013

2:00 PM Atlanta Rollergirls (Salem #2) 184 v London Rollergirls (Fort Wayne #3) 169, Watched

4:00 PM Game 2 – Rocky Mountain Rollergirls (Asheville #2) 198 v Angel City Derby Girls (Richmond #3) 228, Watched

6:00 PM Game 3 – Ohio Roller Girls (Fort Wayne #2) 230 v Rat City Rollergirls (Salem #3) 212, dozed off

8:00 PM Game 4 – Philly Roller Girls (Richmond #2) 174 v Windy City Rollers (Asheville #3) 221, crawled in to bed

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 2013

10:00 AM Game 5 – Texas Rollergirls (Richmond #1) 227 v Atlanta Rollergirls (Salem #2) 134, Watched

12:00 PM Game 6 - Denver Roller Dolls (Fort Wayne #1) 200 v Angel City Derby Girls (Richmond #3) 125, Watched

2:00 PM Game 7 - Gotham Girls Roller Derby (Asheville #1) 509 v Ohio Roller Girls (Fort Wayne #2) 64, Watched

4:00 PM Game 8 - B.ay A.rea D.erby Girls (Salem #1) 230 v Windy City Rollers (Asheville #3) 135, Watched

6:30 PM Game 9 - Texas Rollergirls (Richmond #1) 302 v Denver Roller Dolls (Fort Wayne #1) 129, Slept

8:30 PM Game 10 - Gotham Girls Roller Derby (Asheville #1) 174 v B.ay A.rea D.erby Girls ( Richmond #1) 125, Still asleep

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 2013

12:00 PM - Blue Ridge Rollergirls (Des Moines #2) 215 v Sac City Rollers (Kalamazoo #2) 188 D2 3rd Place, Watched

2:00 PM - Jet City Rollergirls (Des Moines #1) 195 v Santa Cruz Derby Girls (Kalamazoo #1) 194 D2 Championship, Watched

4:00 PM - Game 11 – B.ay A.rea D.erby Girls (Salem #1) 224 v Denver Roller Dolls ( Fort Wayne #1) 174 D1 3rd Place, Sort of Watched

6:00 PM - Game 12 - Texas Rollergirls (Richmond #1) 173 v Gotham Girls Roller Derby (Asheville #1) 199 D1 Championship, Watched

The times shown are American central time so it was in fact six hours later in the UK. That's right the last bout started at midnight!

That's the brief version of my weekend. It was interspaced with a lot of physio and a trip to the super market, mostly to get cookies to fuel my viewing of the final at midnight on a Sunday. There are very few things I can watch sooo much of without getting saturated. You know the feeling, like when you've had too much ice cream, chocolate, coleslaw etc. It's awesome but you are really, really full. Well at the beginning of each bout on Saturday, I saw four that day, I was a little bit like that. But it's ever so damn dynamic that I ended up fired up every time.

So many different styles of play as well! Not saying I understand or can convey what I was seeing but very rarely do you see squads with the same style. I need to study up so I can explain what I saw! I actually tried to take a tactical nap during the third place playoff. I got caught up and didn't sleep :-/. I got so amped by the final that finished around 01:30 that I couldn't sleep until 02:30.

That's couple of the ads that were on during half time :-D



So by the calibre of the ads you can see it was quite the weekend. A big thank you to all the teams for kicking ass :-D. Officials for officiating, commentators for commentating and the tech elves of the WFTDA for keeping the stream on the road :-D.

Some more mundane things that happened this week? Well is is Movember so I have been not trimming my moustache. It's getting in the way whilst eating and drinking things atm. So I scour the interweb for a solution! What I find is lots of differing vids going over various techs you can use to style you stache! I spring for a tiny tin of moustache wax from a London based company.

In case you want to tame your own wild stache!

The result are rather astonishing! The only problem is that I have to leave the hair on my upper lip alone once the wax has set. A skill I am yet to master, I love twiddling with it!

Check us out!

Oh and I've lost muscle mass from my chest and arms meaning I no longer look like I'm trying to burst out of my shirts. I suppose that's good for the shirts but kinda dented my ego, which isn't a bad thing but it has inspired me to pick up my rehab.

All the bouts are in the WFTDA archives here, in case you wanted to see what all my excitement was about :-D D2 championship final was probs the most nail bitey one, imo.

More Quotes!

 I know this has been done before but there are so many quotes that it's kinda inevitable that I'd end up doing another one all about em.

If something really grinds your gears then feel free to write it on a postcard and send it to Santa :P

What really grinds my gears is having to trawl through masses of text in order to dig out the handful of truth nuggets that are buried within. This extends to lectures, speeches even some films! Just give me the bullet points and allow me to obsess over them in my own time. I'm a massive fan of boiling things down to their bare bones and presenting that. Apparently that's one of the reasons I have my current job. Had to give a presentation as part of the interview, I had zero time to prep so didn't over think it. Oh and that's how Steve Jobs did it and he invented the apple, respect!

Now anyone who's read any of my posts will now be in a bit of a daze/rage. I am saying I dislike long written things but, whenever I write something it's usually really, really long! I think this links with the way I think/remember things. Stories! Whenever I learn something I usually recall the situation within which I learnt it. That's a overly wordy way of saying I remember things as stories, don't we all remember things as stories? When I get some new info I link it with pre-existing info/stories so as to incorporate it into my existing understanding. New info links with old info thereby seamlessly incorporating into the structure that is my understanding. It sounds like I'm making an excuse for the paradox that is my hatred of lengthy writing vs. my penchant for writing at length. I'm conflicted...

This is a good a time as any for me to fling a quote your way:

So it would appear I've fallen into an age old jelly trap! A sentence you are unlikely to read ever again. Think about that for a moment: no more, no less. Does anyone know who Virginia Woolf is? I know she was a writer but beyond that I haven't the foggiest. But this quote was used to close the first episode of Was It Something I Said? If you don't believe me then you've got about a week to check it out on 4OD. It features David Mitchell, Richard Ayoade and Micky Flanagan  so worth a lookie.

It's a bit like sugaring the pill or as Mary Poppins would put it:

Not saying that anything I write can be classed as medicine! But it maybe explains why I carelessly craft so much jibber jabber around my otherwise seemingly unpalatable points.

This popped up on the Lincolnshire Bombers Roller Girls fb page. Not so strange that they are sharing a quote from a living legend of the sport + they are rather active on the old social media. It's originally sourced from Bonnie D. Stroir, awesome name btw. She's a whole six years older than me and was the world's first full time roller derby coach. She travelled the world coaching! She retired but returned to the game. I found out this morning she retired again in September 2013! I'm kinda hung up on the sport, tried to make sense of why here. I may actually give it a go if I ever leave the permanently injured limbo state I seem to have been in for the past decade! Can't make Lincolnshire Rolling Thunder's recruiting ting that's soon. Why is so much awesome stuff happening!

When I first read this I wholeheartedly disagreed. It made no sense to me to bust up your body. Inevitably I sought to poke holes in my reasoning. I actually started to realise that I agree whilst sat in the waiting room of the ortho fracture clinic at Lincoln County.

I only ever felt I was useful if I had a fully functioning body. Things ain't functioning atm hence my knee jerk reaction to the quote. In a lot of ways I let being the "strong" one become my defining characteristic. A relic from a simpler time when might made right. Trapped in this way of thinking I continued to train and live in a way that was quite literally tearing my body apart. I have very hyper mobile joints and I love to lift heavy. There came a breaking point that has made me think again.

I was speaking with an occupational therapist about any gadgets, gizmos etc. I'd need to manage my day to day at home. I started running my mouth and what came out was right on the money. I need to think more. Think...that's something I didn't do enough of while I could get by with power alone. I'd power through physical tasks with little or no thought as to if there is a more effective way of doing them.

Breaking up the brick of text with Ross demoing his amazing Unagi skillz!

Power is no longer an option, at least for the time being. A part large part of what I considered to be my identity has been removed. What do I do now? Well I guess I'm free from that prison that I managed to build for myself. I don't have to be that guy any more. Well if I end up as that guy feel free to give me a short sharp kick in the shin. It may sound extreme but it's preferable to regressing into that state!

There are lots of people who place ideals, goals etc. above their own lives. If you scour fiction you will find numerous examples of main characters who are willing to fight and die to further their cause. I did go over this a bit in one of my old posts What's the RDA for PEP? and there's a vid at the end of this one that illustrates the idea of putting yourself second in order to attain something amazing. I struggle to think of real life examples of people doing this.

These selfless acts tend towards the dramatic and, more often than not violent. I'm all for violence, it get's things done ever so quickly! But I'm also all for change that is sustainable and that happens with all the speed of a rampaging glacier. So is there a way to win without fighting? Seems counter intuitive I know, how can you win if you don't fight? Depends what you're using as your weapons. I would say I am much more able to effect change with my words than I ever was with my fists. Also the society we live in doesn't allow for such things to happen so often.



And:

Than image is from a lovely fellow calles Jay Branscombe. He describes himself as an aggressive progressive, sounds awesome even if I haven't a clue what it means! I've asked his permission to use it, if he says no it may disappear, eek! So real life examples...Gandhi? Pacificm was part of his religion but you can't argue with results right? I know very little about such a titan of history I am ever so unclued up. I may present the front of an all-knowing sagely font but I am in fact rather uneducated.

But I did once hear a story about his followers on a picket line. They would be beaten back and be carried off with injuries. Once bandaged up they'd rejoin the line and be beaten back again. They did not raise a hand against their attackers. It boggles my mind about the level of belief they had that this course of action would further their cause.

So that's Bonnie D. Stroir shooting the duck. A phrase I learnt from a handy little book that I purchased here. It's a move known as shooting the duck, don't know why and it serves no purpose other than to show boat and put a big smile on your face :-D

So is anyone superstitious? Rituals that you have to do before you go out in the field/pull? I think I'm starting to become more superstitious as I grow ever older Less seems coincidental! Ok so does anyone know what number Bonnie D. Stroir skates under? I daren't call her by her by anything other than her full title, I don't know why! Well it's 26, "so what?" is the reaction I'm expecting from the global gathering that inexplicably reads these. Well if you add the 2 and 6 together what do you get? Well you get 8 of course, still not that awe inspiring but bear with me I'll get there one day. 8 is my lucky number according to a complex ancient eastern numerology system . Well it's not that complex I was born on the 26th of November so you add the 2 and 6 together to get 8! So two twenty sixes is no big whoop but here's the kicker I'm actually 26 years old right now!

I can't mention roller derby without a nod to my route to the sport. This is of course an old work colleague, the Roller Girl who Draws in Secret, SDRG for short. Anyone want to guess what number she skates under? Well I'll give you a clue! It is a number that's particularly auspicious for the population of the most populous country on the planet. The answers are 8 and China. I met SDRD shortly after turning 26!

Coincidence, probably...

I bought a Euromillions ticket yesterday. I'm 26, born on the 26th and the jackpot was 26 million! I didn't win...

I will mostly bee...

I think bees have constructed a hive beneath my doorstep! I see them flying in and out of a gap in the stonework. I may have to shmoke them out, anyone else say/think smoke like Goldmember? No, just me then. There was one in the dismantled washing machine that I once spoke about here:

I also added a big more to last weeks Roller Derby post I kinda felt a bit weird after I posted twice on consecutive days about updating it. I wrote it quick so I didn't utilise my freakish memory to the fullest. It's pushing 2500 words now! But if you read the previous update then there's only an extra 500 :-P so just a little by my standards ;-) Click here if you can stand to read a bit more :D

Gave the washing machine husk a bit of a shake and they bogged off. There was also one being built above the gate of my paternal home back in Sri Lanka. I don't remember what happened to that one, fire is what comes to mind but I wasn't there when it was administered. The most recent story that kind of relates to this that I have in my vast repertoire is courtesy of my bouncing baby brother! He's 19 so naturally I have to treat him as though he were a newborn/toddler at all times.

A little background, he's basically me but a mucho thinner and a lot more raw. Do you have an image of what you're dealing with? Well let me add that he's furiously intelligent and a bit of a big girls blouse when it comes to insects. He captured a wasp in a plastic container and went off to take a shower. He then came to me and casually told me there was a wasp in a container. He didn't ask me to deal with it he just stated the fact and assumed I would leap into action. I did leap into action but that's because I love the adrenaline rush of handling a creature that could cause me the mildest of discomfort (!) Hope you're proud Eleanor I am using it :-D When I enquired as to why he'd left it in the container whilst he went off to shower his response was to let it "chill out."

So he's a first year med student and as such needs to gather experience much like a squirrel gathers nuts. Now that reminds me of the Picnic we had just before Marc exited Lincoln forever. There was a squirrel frolicking on a nearby tree and I just had to take a pic. In order to get the right angle I had to rise from my three legged stool. This sounds simple enough but when you get to my advanced age, 26, any departure from a seated position is accompanied by a sound. This time it was akin to a roar, which scared the skittish squirrel away!

Experience gathering! So whilst on "holiday" to Sri Lanka he's observing/tailing/working at a hospital. This is exactly what my father does when he's on holiday. He takes time off from his job to volunteer full time. The man can not stop being a doctor. In a way I admire that he's found "it." Spoke about "it" here . I am linking old posts mostly because I'm lazy and I don't want to say stuff I've already said.

So my bro is at a hospital in Sri Lanka, whilst there he needed to use the bathroom and hilarity ensued. Clear enough so no need to elaborate further, right? No? Ok well you asked for it! He is England born n raised so his digestive system is a rather sensitive when it comes to the cuisine of our homeland. In a rush he asks a likely looking nurse and is pointed in the direction of the staff toilets. What he finds are the all too common knee trembler style toilets. He's a resiliant enough lad and mans up and gets ready to go at it. That's when he spots something in the corner of the stall.

Any guesses from you likely lot? No Russia anything? Nepal? South America? Malaysia? The Netherlands? I knew it you bunch of lazy....

It was a nest! Not the kind of nest that delightful little birdies build when they are ready  to get it on and lay a few eggs. No this was a nest of hive insects. Not of bees but of wasps! And not one of the posh finished ones that looks like it's made of weathered rock. Oh no no this was one in in it's early stages so it looks like you're staring straight into some kind of horrible easter egg..

Another bee anecdote that comes to mind is about my beloved feisty feline, Tim the dog. He features in two FB come blog posts. Go in search of them if yee are interested :-P Anyway when presented with a bee or wasp how do you think a labrador would go about killing it? Now I realise that this is a little counter-intuitive, to think of a labrador killing something. Mostly because they look like this:

And are known for being a "soft" breed. That is to say they don't really know how to fight n kill etc. Retriever = finder after all.

• Well there is a bee and your yellow lab sees it and takes a dislike to it. 
• What happens next? 
• First guess would have to be a full on bite that grabs up clumps of grass etc along with the offending insect. 
• Nope that didn't happen.
• So what is a dog's next go too attack of choice...barking?
• Well no not that either.

He actually crushed the bee with his paw. This wasn't your usual heavy thud with an added little twist, like someone would do with a big boot. This was a series of stabbing/jabbing motions that hit the bee in rapid succession. Who knew he had it in him?!

So Thursday morning, following my morning kriya I am met by a phonecall... It's 06:45 in the morning so I am ever so suspicious about who it is and what they want. I'm hoping it is Her Majesty's Secret Service summoning me to save the world, again. It's my dad so not as exciting as HMSS requiring my unique blend of talents to save the civilised world, again. He asks if I am hunky dory and hands over to little bro. He proceeds to tell me a long winded story, where does he get his tendency for lengthy dotes of the anec nature o_O

There are many stray dogs in Sri Lanka, they are mostly harmless and wander about looking thin and sleepy. So he spotted two milling about outside and then sees one legging it with a bag in it's mouth. The dog deftly opens the bag to reveal a food that is hard to eat quickly at the best of times. It is something that dries the mouth and has a peculiar name, I think. Any ideas? Cream crackers of course! The dog digs in with much gusto but after a few mouthfuls slows his roll.

Oh and the living legend has returned from his holiday in Cancun. He returned with no souvenirs but what he lacks in merchandise he makes up for in stories. Here's a short excerpt: waiting for Amy outside the girls toilets, looking like a right perv! Some guy barges into me so I push him. He turns and hits me in the face, fuming! His mate can barely hold this monster back then the bouncers appear. They ask me my story and ask me to go outside a second. I know this game, I'm about to be kicked out. So I refuse. They are very insistent so I go and they tell me I've been kicked out. My friends appeal to the manager and after a long old time I'm let back in. I go speak to the manager trying to wrangle a free night for all the inconvenience caused. He's having none of it so I play the race card!!! And I'm kicked out again :-( FUMING!

Thursday evening it's about time I need to go to sleep so I am of course banging out a few crunches on my swiss ball. I once slept for several hours with said swiss ball in my bed, we're close like that. Mark calls me and asks if I've seen his golden key. Paranoia kicks in and I assume it's a wind up but then I notice he sounds worried. He's lost the second key that he needs to get into his house. I contemplate explaining the mechanics of locks but decide not too as he'd been out for "an hour" and was likely in no fit state to try something so dexterous. Anyway he sleeps over at Swapnals and kips on the couch.

So I am a milkman yet again and in the words of Swapnal Patel he and I have been double teaming Lincoln for the past week! 123 litres on Moday, 99 on Wednesday and 91 on friday making a grand total of 313 litres :-O. You want to see a boot full of milk? Give it a click and it'll take you on a journey to another post....Oh and the last time we had to do this Swapnal wasn't too fired up for the whole thing. But this time he literally had a spring in his step :-D I have a theory as to why, anyone who has had the pleasure of meeting him care to hazard a guess?

This time we got progressively quicker at deliveries! Practice does indeed result in drastically improved performance! But Steph I beseech you please don't make me do this again for a while at least. Early mornings don't go well with my new workouts. Funnily enough because of a reduced amount of sleep my moods were all over the place. I say that but I was mostly angry, like a bear with a sore head. It felt a lot like being in my mid teens again. A time of rage...

Whilst in this rage I am sat in traffic waiting to get home. Now I often feel the universe is teasing me and this time was no different. Looks like the last day of school, a time that marks change. A big day for those kids who'll be leaving school forever etc. But here I am too involved in my own misery to consider this. Then I see a dragonfly, hovering above the car in front of me. I turn gaze to follow it and spot a wheelie bin with the number 69 stuck to it X-D I am enormously mature so naturally I find this humerus! Odd insect followed by hilarious bin, well played universe.

To top it off there was a this waiting for me on the doormat! So someone I used to work with has started a shop on Etsy! I went and treated myself to a book and completely forgot about it a fair few times despite a post here

Yep that is a Tardis, some bandaging and a bottle of Tabasco sauce. Pretty much sums up my life! Time travel, injuries and chilli.

And I can recommend the book, not just because the author/illustrator is a mate. But because it humorously explains, some, of the mysteries of roller derby. If there is anything I know I "love" it's humour. I have spent many hours painstakingly researching "what funny is" and I can confirm that this book fits the bill. Plus you get free stickers! On a side note there are many more mysteries to Roller derby that need to be demystified. I think you should write an Fish's guide to Roller Derby :-D.

So Friday I found out another one of the lads I work with will be exiting the company. The fellow I've known even less time than the others. As always there are several posts on the blog relating the exodus of my dear downstairs office. Currently analysing why I feel the way I feel, the sadness is gone but there is still something left and it's not right.

Anyway the lad who is leaving, lovely boy. Appears to have found his focus and is now devoting himself to it wholeheartedly. A very open chap who has a good grasp of human interaction. Able to deftly endear himself, build relationships and manoeuvre power at will. I'm going to say something cryptic, either everything is sacred or nothing is sacred. Do you follow dear reader? :-p Stolen words that apply to this situation and let me say what I want to without being too blunt :D

Oh and how unbelievably awesome is Sherlock?!? Cold, brilliant, tea and punching americans! Kick ass music too, Sherlock - David Arnold if you're interested.