When I heard the news you were moving away I initially got all panicky! Mostly because, in my mind, you were moving away imminently. From announcement to final move there will be about six weeks, so panic for no reason. In all honesty is there ever a good reason to panic? I mean does it really help the situation at all. Best to remain cool, calm, just like my mom, with a couple of Valium inside her palm. If anyone get's that reference I shall do a little victory dance. One that doesn't involve moving my feet, kinda lacking power in the calves and stability in my lower spine atm.
After burning my panic with some modified chest exercises I look towards what do I do now? Well try and think of a kick ass leaving gift of course. What do I know about SDRG? Well she's a rollergirl, illustrator, practical, loves sleep, wears odd socks, wicked core strength...not really steering me in the direction of a gift of any description right?
So I look through drawings and I find this:
Now that's something I can work with! I hack slash and finally find what I'm looking for...a hat! It's gonna have to be a custom hat featuring the 2013 logo of SDRG AKA Fish. I'm still in a bit of a panic so I push the order through at ridiculous speed. The lovely people at www.clothes2order.com were awesome! When the application wasn't working on the hat I'd picked the called to ask about a swap over. And it arrived a couple of days after I ordered it, speedy!
I may have fathomed why the only thing I could think of was a hat. I'd decided that all in attendance would have to wear hats at my birthday do round Swaps house which was happening the same week I heard the news.
I know you're itching to see the finished product but I've got more of the story to tell. The hat's good but it wouldn't be epic enough. What to do???? Of course get our old windowless office fam to model the hat thus showing their support for SDRG. I forgot to do this on several occasions and remembered towards the end of a birthday party round Swaps. Just my luck after taking two more pics my camera runs out of juice!
Oh I'd had another brainwave LBRG or Lincolnshire Bombers Roller girls. If they were involved somehow this would be all the more awesome. I mean what wouldn't get more awesome if you threw some rollergirls into the mix? So I sent a tentative message to the Bombers FB page. A reply shot back full of enthusiasm! Last practice before Christmas :-D I knew it was at Yarborough Leisure Centre and it was on Sunday the 15th. I had neglected to ask what time it would be at so I sneakily sent the centre a message asking and they kindly provided the info, 10:00 - 14:00. Four hour practice on a Sunday, now that's hardcore!
Having surreptitiously acquired the info that she would be attending her nans birthday that week I thought I'd got access to a practice that would be Fish free thus keeping the surprise in tact :-D But that wasn't the case! She was back and this made me think that I'd get some pics with the squad and then give her the hat! Thought my best bet was to get there early so as not to get in the way of practice. As I roll up I spot Mizza Murica in the car park. I know most of the squad by their skating names just a bit of a fan...
Get all my gear together, psyche myself up, pick up my walking stick and stride into the leisure centre with a sense of purpose. After several seconds of staring around aimlessly I realise I have no idea where to go, the nice lady at reception gave me great directions :-D I briefly lose my bottle and regroup in the gents, assuming I'd be safe from the roller girls in the gents. I realise how ridiculous I'm being and step back into the hall. I proceed to awkwardly introduce myself. If there's one thing I know how to be it's awkward!
I may have fathomed why the only thing I could think of was a hat. I'd decided that all in attendance would have to wear hats at my birthday do round Swaps house which was happening the same week I heard the news.
I know you're itching to see the finished product but I've got more of the story to tell. The hat's good but it wouldn't be epic enough. What to do???? Of course get our old windowless office fam to model the hat thus showing their support for SDRG. I forgot to do this on several occasions and remembered towards the end of a birthday party round Swaps. Just my luck after taking two more pics my camera runs out of juice!
Oh I'd had another brainwave LBRG or Lincolnshire Bombers Roller girls. If they were involved somehow this would be all the more awesome. I mean what wouldn't get more awesome if you threw some rollergirls into the mix? So I sent a tentative message to the Bombers FB page. A reply shot back full of enthusiasm! Last practice before Christmas :-D I knew it was at Yarborough Leisure Centre and it was on Sunday the 15th. I had neglected to ask what time it would be at so I sneakily sent the centre a message asking and they kindly provided the info, 10:00 - 14:00. Four hour practice on a Sunday, now that's hardcore!
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| My choice of footwear. Why this was a bad choice will become apparent soon enough. |
Get all my gear together, psyche myself up, pick up my walking stick and stride into the leisure centre with a sense of purpose. After several seconds of staring around aimlessly I realise I have no idea where to go, the nice lady at reception gave me great directions :-D I briefly lose my bottle and regroup in the gents, assuming I'd be safe from the roller girls in the gents. I realise how ridiculous I'm being and step back into the hall. I proceed to awkwardly introduce myself. If there's one thing I know how to be it's awkward!
Anyone see a problem with my escape vector? There is a large opening through which I could be spotted :-S But that's not my biggest problem. I'm dressed in a sky blue shirt, jeans and a long dark overcoat. Pretty much the perfect outfit for sneaking if you're in a crowd. But not if you're in an empty corridor adjacent to a sports hall! Coupled with my bright orange shoes and slow gait I must have been quite the sight. In all the excitement I'd not explained to all of LBRG that it was supposed to be a surprise. This coupled with my loud exit makes me thing she must know what's going on!
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| From an awesome company in Manchester Clothes2Order :-D |
He's only in Derby so a enquire if he'd be up for a visit on the 23rd or 24th. He says sure and I bez my way to Derby early on Monday morning. Only took my about an hour! And we chilled round his house for a bit where he tells me I remind him of Greg House. Medical genius? Nay I'm wearing jeans, trainers, bearded, sporting a long coat coupled with a cane. Ok I'll admit I was unintentionally emanating a strong house vibe. Heading off to grab some coffee I realise just how rainy a day I've picked to frequent this bit of the world. I get a gingerbread latte and immediately regret getting cream. I have a tash so most drinks seep into it.
As you can see not a tash friendly beverage. Discussions included core workouts, joint hypermobility, hemp conspiracies, bowel movements, gamification, chicken nuggets, psychopaths and moisturisers. Mark pointed also let me in on his reasoning behind why he thinks SDRG is the most likely to be a psycho from our windowless office. When he asked me who I thought it was I could only come up with me :-S No remorse plus fearless dominance?
This conversation cropped up in Mcdonalds. The car park was rammed so some geniuses had resorted to parking willy nilly making it impossible to get out of the spaces! After some fruitless reversing a no nonsense woman takes charge of the situation and tells me to lock the wheels before I start moving. Doing so frequently would scrub the tyres but in this instance it was the only way to get out. It ended up being a 20 point turn! Back at Marc's house he gives me Swapnal's bday present and some Christmas cards for the office! It is now that I remember that I've got the hat in the car! I get a shot of him, hug it out and get back home in time for tea.
This conversation cropped up in Mcdonalds. The car park was rammed so some geniuses had resorted to parking willy nilly making it impossible to get out of the spaces! After some fruitless reversing a no nonsense woman takes charge of the situation and tells me to lock the wheels before I start moving. Doing so frequently would scrub the tyres but in this instance it was the only way to get out. It ended up being a 20 point turn! Back at Marc's house he gives me Swapnal's bday present and some Christmas cards for the office! It is now that I remember that I've got the hat in the car! I get a shot of him, hug it out and get back home in time for tea.
And that's the end of the hat story. Well not quite as it hasn't made it's way to it's intended recipient. The plan was to meet up the first weekend after new years. So I send out a smoke signal and what comes back is that it'll be an intimate meal for four. Not to be sniffed at as the four are Crafty Patel, Tin tin Taylor, SDRG and me! Ribs n Bibs here comes four folk who worked in the same office for about six months, seven months ago! Three of them still work in an office together, it has windows but no running water. Swings and roundabouts.
Meeting up at spoons beforehand it comes to light that only half the expected turnout has turned out. Mark is having a starter with Amandas in another wetherspoons. Makes total sense. I inform SDRG and she tells me she's currently dismantling a bed, i know awesome right?! Me and my fellow craftsman discuss various gym tings, valentines day, butlins, fm transmitters, engines and vegas.
Now it's time to make the 4 minute walk to Ribs n Bibs, at least that's what google would have you believe. We see Mark on the way and stride up the hill. It is now that I realise I had underestimated the steepness of the hill. Rather winded by the time we make it to the second front door. Waiting around for Fish and less than a minute later she emerges from the gloom with a package for yours truly. No explanation to the other two in attendance. It was of course something rare, a t shirt featuring zebras.
Meeting up at spoons beforehand it comes to light that only half the expected turnout has turned out. Mark is having a starter with Amandas in another wetherspoons. Makes total sense. I inform SDRG and she tells me she's currently dismantling a bed, i know awesome right?! Me and my fellow craftsman discuss various gym tings, valentines day, butlins, fm transmitters, engines and vegas.
Now it's time to make the 4 minute walk to Ribs n Bibs, at least that's what google would have you believe. We see Mark on the way and stride up the hill. It is now that I realise I had underestimated the steepness of the hill. Rather winded by the time we make it to the second front door. Waiting around for Fish and less than a minute later she emerges from the gloom with a package for yours truly. No explanation to the other two in attendance. It was of course something rare, a t shirt featuring zebras.
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| Did you spot Ironman? |
The booking was for 5 so we end up with an oversized table. The racial tension is immediately apparent as team crafty and team northern occupy opposite sides of the table. Swapnal orders a root beer float, a decision he immediately regrets as it tastes like tiger balm. Everyone else, myself included, heard tiger bomb. It's like a jager bomb but made with real bits of tiger, 60% of the time...it works every time. Our starters arrive and Swapnal is too quick off the mark and inhales the vaporised vinegar fumes coming off his buffalo wings. Buffalo sauce - vinegar based cayenne pepper hot sauce. A situation I find wholly hilarious. Around now I noticed that my sleeves were far too long. My one shirt that requires cufflinks and I always forget that it requires cufflinks. I look like an Elizabethan dandy...
Starters down and the mains arrive in force. But before that Mark notices that gravy was misspelt he points this out to his favourite waitress, Chloe. Yep he remembers her name from when we first frequented the restaurant back in April. There is a video as well! She shows up with a sponge and corrects the spelling. It appears as though the bread is no where near big enough to accommodate the contents: two burgers, pulled pork and coleslaw. A jolly wrestle into my mouth results in sauce all over my hands face and a little on my shirt :-/. Mark also secures a second helping of coleslaw as he is renowned for his enormous appetite and speed of consumption. He also announces that he has a firm idea of his wedding playlist and his dress is going to be backless.
Starters down and the mains arrive in force. But before that Mark notices that gravy was misspelt he points this out to his favourite waitress, Chloe. Yep he remembers her name from when we first frequented the restaurant back in April. There is a video as well! She shows up with a sponge and corrects the spelling. It appears as though the bread is no where near big enough to accommodate the contents: two burgers, pulled pork and coleslaw. A jolly wrestle into my mouth results in sauce all over my hands face and a little on my shirt :-/. Mark also secures a second helping of coleslaw as he is renowned for his enormous appetite and speed of consumption. He also announces that he has a firm idea of his wedding playlist and his dress is going to be backless.
Anyone who has seen him on a night out knows his compulsion to start conversations with anyone. Sarah describes this as him forcing himself on people in social situations. I take this a step further and give him the title of social rapist. It's even in the urban dictionary!
(n., v.t.,) When someone approaches you and initializes conversation without your consent, regardless of what you're doing, who else you're talking to, or if you respond.
The cheque arrives and I decide to hand over the hat that I've been ferrying hither and dither for just over a month. Expertly wrapped in the packaging it came in. After a brief inspection Sarah comments that the printing has been done rather well. I smile and nod stuff printed on fabric, not my wheel house. I then enquire as to whether she saw me creeping away after taking pics of the squad in the hat. She didn't!
We walk about 20 yards and end up in the Strait and Narrow. After five seconds Mark is talking to two old boys who are propping up the bar. The social rapist strikes again! Upon sitting down the racial tension disintegrates as team crafty and team northern are shuffled. I ask about what kind of core training skaters do. Turns out it's pretty much what I do with the addition of crunches. My quest for an uber core continues. I then ask whether it'd be cool for us to visit sometime after Sarah moves. We come to the conclusion that Mark will drive everyone up once he passes his test.
We walk about 20 yards and end up in the Strait and Narrow. After five seconds Mark is talking to two old boys who are propping up the bar. The social rapist strikes again! Upon sitting down the racial tension disintegrates as team crafty and team northern are shuffled. I ask about what kind of core training skaters do. Turns out it's pretty much what I do with the addition of crunches. My quest for an uber core continues. I then ask whether it'd be cool for us to visit sometime after Sarah moves. We come to the conclusion that Mark will drive everyone up once he passes his test.
We declare that we'll be bringing a new pet for the Fisher family and it comes to light that SDRG's sister had a garter snake. I chip in with how you can freeze a garter snake and thaw it out with no damage to the snake. I begin to doubt myself as one of the first things I ever told Sarah was that most dalmatians are deaf. Not true. Apparently I'm rather believable, say something with enough conviction and people will believe you. Turns out the garter snake thing is true!
I get all giddy as I remember I'd watched the WFTDA finals. Problem is I watched so much so fast that I'm not really able to discuss it in any detail. Always on edge to hear more about roller derby and SDRG gives me some homework. Watching last years final! :-D She goes on to tell me that she used to put on bouts and fall asleep to them. I did the exact same thing! But with Scrubs. Fall asleep with my scrubs collection playing in the background. Intermittently wake up to hear EAGLE!
This is where the story ends! We all went home.
I had meant to ask her about the last Harry Potter film. I didn't really understand how Harry stayed alive :-S
So that's the story behind the hat!
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