Likely to be a post I don't publicise. I wonder how many will discover it? My money's on one, Highlander style...there can be only 1. Or Lord of the Rings style.
This is a thought process that has lead me to believe that it's all smoke and mirrors, illusions. Anyone read Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah? If you ask nicely I may lend/send you a copy. Lots of layered illusion to overcome. A nice and easy one is where we walk. On footpaths right? But why? Because that's what we are supposed to to, also they are safe and usually free of vehicles.
So the nub of this is the illusion of self. I had that nagging fear about death that wrote about back here. I seems to have gone now that I've come to this idea/working theory/something I don't know how to classify. Self a collection of tendencies based on previous experiences. But what is self is constantly changing. Cells are born, grow old and are replaced. What was "your" skin today is dust tomorrow. What was your dinner today becomes your flesh, blood and bone tomorrow. Maybe not that quickly but you get the gist right?
So the body is constantly being renewed so it is not constant. Once you grow up you have a basic frame that you consider yourself. It may get a little wider, narrower, firmer, saggier, greyer etc. but as it's constantly being renewed it's not the same. It may appear the same but it is not the same. Had a shot of rum in my vanilla chai so this may be the slightly tipsy ravings of a borderline narcissist.
So body is not constant, so what about conciousness? That's stored in the mind, right? Staying relatively scientific as the esoteric/mystical mumbo jumbo is too soothing. Solace, something that is nice but something intellect won't allow to remain in place for too long. If the very basis of conciousness is being renewed/rebuilt regularly then is this a continuity? Or a series of snapshots stitched together using the faculty of memory? Take 20 photos of any moving object per second for ten seconds and then run through them at a rate of 20 photos per second and the image will appear to move.
Does that make sense to anyone or am I really barking up the wrong bush
My fear of death appearing to be gone. Well I think that's because I don't really exist at all. Much like a record of events my mind has recorded everything that has happened around me to date. This record is maintained and accessed when faced with new situations day to day. So what is there that's "me". Broken down and rebuilt constantly. A copy, of a copy, of a copy.
I thought the truth about life, would be bigger, hit harder, maybe this isn't it or all of it. Perhaps a small portion. Hmmm. I don't know!
Showing posts with label self. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self. Show all posts
Saturday, 10 May 2014
Tuesday, 16 July 2013
Self analysis 1
When you attempt something and it doesn't go your way, you feel down, right?
This is natural but to me it doesn't make sense. Approaching it from a survival point of view, everything about us is geared for it after all. That is to say senses, emotions etc. should all aid survival and not hinder it.
Am I making sense? I never get any feedback from the millions who glance my inane blabbering, so I'm pretty much sat here talking to myself!
So we are built to survive, agreed. Say you try to build a shelter and fail miserably. You'll feel down and not really want to build a shelter because you've failed at it. As a result of having no shelter your physical well being will be at the the whim of the weather. Now after a few days/nights of being toasted or excessively moistened you'll likely find your motivation to have another bash at building a shelter.
It's all about pay off. Whenever you do anything in a survival situation it is about what you get in return for an action. Returning to the shelter example, you put in a certain quantity of effort to try and construct the shelter and the first time you got nothing out of it.
So say you output 100 units of activity and get 0 in return. That's a pretty lousy deal right? So the body triggers a negative feeling to discourage this kind of activity i.e. activity that is unproductive. This, sort of, links back to a definition of insanity that's accredited to Einstein "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" Apparently not one of Albert's quotes anyone know where/who it originated from?
So the body is just trying to let you know that whatever you did last time didn't work so don't do it again. The issue is, for me at least, that I link the task with the emotion and not process/method I used. Back to the shelter, trying to build a shelter = failure and not whatever I did last time when trying to build a shelter = failure.
I feel better whenever I read that as it makes sense. This has been written very slowly, unlike everything else on here which is written at breakneck speed.
Have you ever done something and not expected anything in return for it? Certain tasks may not have any tangible returns. Such as volunteering, good deeds etc. But there is that sense of achievement/well being that comes along afterwards. Now I'm going to do something that is undeniably Hindu and that is quote the bhagavad gita! I am not religious but I have read the book a couple of times. This was primarily because it was given to me by someone who I think is awesome. What makes them all the more awesome is that they were incarcerated for many years but did not become bitter and twisted by the whole experience. If anything they became more peaceful!
The last time we met we spoke about personal limitations that are enforced, by ourselves, on a conscious or unconscious level. Such things as shyness, hesitation etc. Those two come to mind as they are two of the things I wish I didn't suffer from! Small things that we have come to accept as being "who we are" The annoying thing is that it's true. At that moment that is who we are. But I was definitely missing something and that is that it's only true in that particular moment. The fabulous thing about us human beings is that we have discretionary nature. That is to say we can choose how we are at any time. So whilst we may be a particular way this moment, if we were to choose and commit then, that does not have to be true in the next moment.
Does that make sense or am I being far too general again? Here's an effort at an example to illustrate my point. I used to work in the same office as an illustrator, I was about to go off on one of my tangential stories but I shall refrain, for now!
You work in a building with a lift that goes to the various floors. Your office is situated on floor eight and there is a friendly fellow who operates the lift. (I've never seen anyone who actually does this job!) Every day he flashes a friendly smile and offers a polite good morning. You do not smile and simply nod to acknowledge him in some way. Some people may think this is normal behaviour whilst others may see it as being a little cold. Either is ok by me but if you, the nodder, is bothered that you never return smiley good morning man's pleasantries then you've got a problem. You are doing something that is, in some way, causing you to suffer.
Now if you are the cause of your own suffering then you haven't really got much chance of relief. That is to say you can't really get away from yourself! Anyway back to my point...you don't have to act in that way. If you so choose you could act any way you want, the problem is the unfamiliarity. The threat is no longer physical but the reaction to the threat is as though it were physical. This is going to sound terribly airy fairy.
I have grown too attached to the idea of what I consider to be myself. The particular patterns of behaviour that I have adopted are familiar and comfortable. People have grown to expect those particular patterns from me and so they reinforce the idea that those behaviours are "me". Something of a prison that we help those around us to build for ourselves.
Does that make sense? I don't have anyone proof read my shtuff so it may not make sense. But I am painfully logical so I'm hoping that's good enough. This is by no means my own creations. I've listened to a lot of people speak about such things and read an awful lot too. Whilst what is said by each of them made sense it did not impact me at a deep enough level. That is to say I was not instantly changed. I had to experience, process and realise for myself. It has been a slow and painful process one which I am not done with, not even close.
And all that was an example of my reflective routine!
This is natural but to me it doesn't make sense. Approaching it from a survival point of view, everything about us is geared for it after all. That is to say senses, emotions etc. should all aid survival and not hinder it.
Am I making sense? I never get any feedback from the millions who glance my inane blabbering, so I'm pretty much sat here talking to myself!
So we are built to survive, agreed. Say you try to build a shelter and fail miserably. You'll feel down and not really want to build a shelter because you've failed at it. As a result of having no shelter your physical well being will be at the the whim of the weather. Now after a few days/nights of being toasted or excessively moistened you'll likely find your motivation to have another bash at building a shelter.
It's all about pay off. Whenever you do anything in a survival situation it is about what you get in return for an action. Returning to the shelter example, you put in a certain quantity of effort to try and construct the shelter and the first time you got nothing out of it.
So say you output 100 units of activity and get 0 in return. That's a pretty lousy deal right? So the body triggers a negative feeling to discourage this kind of activity i.e. activity that is unproductive. This, sort of, links back to a definition of insanity that's accredited to Einstein "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" Apparently not one of Albert's quotes anyone know where/who it originated from?
So the body is just trying to let you know that whatever you did last time didn't work so don't do it again. The issue is, for me at least, that I link the task with the emotion and not process/method I used. Back to the shelter, trying to build a shelter = failure and not whatever I did last time when trying to build a shelter = failure.
I feel better whenever I read that as it makes sense. This has been written very slowly, unlike everything else on here which is written at breakneck speed.
Have you ever done something and not expected anything in return for it? Certain tasks may not have any tangible returns. Such as volunteering, good deeds etc. But there is that sense of achievement/well being that comes along afterwards. Now I'm going to do something that is undeniably Hindu and that is quote the bhagavad gita! I am not religious but I have read the book a couple of times. This was primarily because it was given to me by someone who I think is awesome. What makes them all the more awesome is that they were incarcerated for many years but did not become bitter and twisted by the whole experience. If anything they became more peaceful!
The last time we met we spoke about personal limitations that are enforced, by ourselves, on a conscious or unconscious level. Such things as shyness, hesitation etc. Those two come to mind as they are two of the things I wish I didn't suffer from! Small things that we have come to accept as being "who we are" The annoying thing is that it's true. At that moment that is who we are. But I was definitely missing something and that is that it's only true in that particular moment. The fabulous thing about us human beings is that we have discretionary nature. That is to say we can choose how we are at any time. So whilst we may be a particular way this moment, if we were to choose and commit then, that does not have to be true in the next moment.
Does that make sense or am I being far too general again? Here's an effort at an example to illustrate my point. I used to work in the same office as an illustrator, I was about to go off on one of my tangential stories but I shall refrain, for now!
You work in a building with a lift that goes to the various floors. Your office is situated on floor eight and there is a friendly fellow who operates the lift. (I've never seen anyone who actually does this job!) Every day he flashes a friendly smile and offers a polite good morning. You do not smile and simply nod to acknowledge him in some way. Some people may think this is normal behaviour whilst others may see it as being a little cold. Either is ok by me but if you, the nodder, is bothered that you never return smiley good morning man's pleasantries then you've got a problem. You are doing something that is, in some way, causing you to suffer.
Now if you are the cause of your own suffering then you haven't really got much chance of relief. That is to say you can't really get away from yourself! Anyway back to my point...you don't have to act in that way. If you so choose you could act any way you want, the problem is the unfamiliarity. The threat is no longer physical but the reaction to the threat is as though it were physical. This is going to sound terribly airy fairy.
I have grown too attached to the idea of what I consider to be myself. The particular patterns of behaviour that I have adopted are familiar and comfortable. People have grown to expect those particular patterns from me and so they reinforce the idea that those behaviours are "me". Something of a prison that we help those around us to build for ourselves.
Does that make sense? I don't have anyone proof read my shtuff so it may not make sense. But I am painfully logical so I'm hoping that's good enough. This is by no means my own creations. I've listened to a lot of people speak about such things and read an awful lot too. Whilst what is said by each of them made sense it did not impact me at a deep enough level. That is to say I was not instantly changed. I had to experience, process and realise for myself. It has been a slow and painful process one which I am not done with, not even close.
And all that was an example of my reflective routine!
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