The fog.

Hey-Diddly-Ho! A four day week that completely blitzed by. Last week was when I sat an exam that was ever so confusing. There was a question in that bad boy that is usually worth 10 marks but this time round they'd amped it up to 25 marks. Now I have trained myself to eek 10 marks out of questions of this type, how can I possibly generate and extra 15 marks? I got really, really angry. Hard to believe I know as I usually look like this:

I could feel the rage building up, kind of like someone was gradually cranking up the thermostat. I also noticed I was intermittently opening and closing my hands. Then I remembered this little gem "My kokoro is brokoro!" Those of you who are au fait with Japanese anime the word kokoro translates as heart.

The impact was instantaneous and I had to hold back my laughter.

Now the last time this little phrase pulled me out of the depths of self destructive emotion was when I was driving to work. Twas the day after the announcement of redundancies. It's been about a month since all that and I'm pretty sure I'm not properly over it. Will likely write things out in great detail, wonder if it'll help.

With that in mind this four day week is the last time we will be at the current office. It was a cold, mostly windowless, slightly run down place. But I had a hell of a lot of fun there so it's probs that that I'll miss. You know who you are :-D

Ah I have a bit of a funny feeling. You know that strange thing that when you are told not to do something you just have to do it? It's akin to that and I'm being intentionally obtuse for the sake of anonymity. By saying that I have revealed, to the more perceptive of you, that it involves other people :-O :-P  It's one of those situations that I don't want to look back on with regret, too many of those languishing in my past.

Tomorrow, I've set that as the time for me to draw a line under this that has such a strong hold over me.

Something I don't tell most people is that I have been striving to disconnect my inner situation from the impact of the external. This is based on never being able to completely control the external. But what happens within should/could be entirely under your control. At least that's the theory. I did think I was a long way towards this goal as I was feeling wonderful day to day. But several things have shaken this.

Kinda reminds me of the difference between a champion and a good player. I'm thinking tennis but I'm not sure, maybe someone would be kind enough to put me out my misery? Any way the words go something like this "It's easy to win when you are playing well, winning when you aren't playing well. That's the mark of a champion" Gonna spell it out :D sorry. Mostly for myself I'm a bit dense.

So if everything is going swimmingly it's easy to be joyful but if it's hit the fan then the easy thing to do is feel sorry for yourself. What is expected of you is to be down. Now who wants to do the exact same thing everyone else is doing? Break the mould, stand out of the crowd and various other clichés to that effect :D

Gary Barlow replied to one of my tweets!

Segregation

Up till now I've just been writing down what happens to me day to day. And I was pretty adamant to keep it to a weekly thing that shouldn't take over all my spare time. Oddly the more I do this the more I want to do more of it. There has to be a better way of putting that, answers on a postcard.

I chat regularly with my bro on skype, we get on famously. Am I right in thinking that most folks would be happy that they get on with the person they grew up with and leave it at that? I've got a sciencey brain that tends to want to dissect everything to understand the underlying principles behind it etc. This is not a recent thing I've been at it for quite a while hence detail.

First off there is the sheer quantity of time we spent in each others company. To paraphrase the great Will Mackenzie You just have to spend enough time around people and they will become your friends. But I don't think it's quite that simple.

My dad, as awesome as he was, was always fantastically busy. He's still fantastically busy! Any guesses and to what he does when he goes on holiday? I've come to realise you are a lazy lot who won't comment or hazard a guess so here's the answer :P He volunteers at hospitals, clinics etc for pretty much the whole time! But I guess he found his calling and loves what he does. This may just be a rationalisation I've concocted to make it ok.

As a result of the aforementioned busyness, I think I may have become the role model that my old man was for me. Now I was nerdy, angry and overly macho. Not a great combo when choosing a role model. From the extended exposure we are basically the same person. Well he's like 10x more disciplined when it comes to studying but then I've got pecs so it kinda evens out right?

Anyway onwards to the point of that 300 word preamble. One other thing we share, at least I think we share, is our interest in conspiracies. Like gravity being a CIA plot to keep us all on earth and countries are actually a lot closer together than you think...

It's more a seeking of truth and the fundamentals behind certain processes.

Creating an Underclass
There are seven steps identified about how this has been done in the past. They are:

1. Identification
2. Ostracising + Propaganda
3. Concentration
4. Reduced Opportunity
5. Crime
6. Arrest
7. Annihilation

These steps feed into one and other. For example crime leads to arrest and that in turn reduces opportunities further. Once arrested concentration is also easier e.g. prisons.

Bit heavy for a bank holiday afternoon but when I sat down to write this is all I could think about. Well also about how I can't eat normal food again for another fortnight.

3 films 2 days...

Some of you know that I've been hiding away revising like some kind of crazed maniac. Well the exam is over n done with. To celebrate my new found freedom I'm gonna spend this bank holiday weekend in the cinema. At least that was the plan...

In my naivety/youthful exuberance I was aiming to watch five films: Iron Man 3, Star Trek, Fast & Furious 6, The Great Gatsby and The Worlds End.

I had failed to consider the timings at which cinemas decide to show aforementioned films and I'd also overlooked the fact that the last in the list hasn't been released yet! At best I could have watched 3 in a day. But I decided against it because the last one would have kicked of at 21:00 and I would be either asleep or soooo caffeine filled that I couldn't possibly sit still enough to enjoy it!

So late Friday afternoon I zoomed over to Nottingham to view Star Trek which was awesome! **SPOILER ALERT** But damn my maths brain Khan was made in 1959! Also why is there no planetary defence grid in orbit around earth? **SPOILER complete**
 
Other than that stuff I thoroughly enjoyed Mr. Cumberbatch being badass and there were moments in the film where Chris Pine was totally channelling Shatner :D

Onwards! Headed in to Lincoln early in Saturday morning to purchase shirts. Which sounds simple enough, right? Wrong! The very helpful ladies in several shops kindly informed me that I am a freak, not in those exact words. Explanation: I have a relatively trim midsection, yay! with very broad shoulders, chest and arms. Doesn't sound like a problem right? Wrong again :D This means that a shirt that fits my upper torso is way too big for the midsection and vice versa.

Due to the short term nature of this outing I had to acquire accomplices on the fly. So after hitting up some of my "old" friends. We met in a carpark and didn't leave for about an hour, which I think really worried some of the people parking there. These guys aren't the sort you'd want to meet in a car park, if you've seen what I currently look like you probs wouldn't want to meet me in a car park either :S

So Iron Man 3! General Tony Stark awesomeness but I wasn't bowled over. Again if you haven't seen it and are planning to consider this your spoiler alert. For just this paragraph :D Tony can't sleep and has anxiety issues, so he is human after all. Loved the twist with Kingsley being the face of the Mandarin. Was a little disappointed as I was looking forward to mystical ring powers like the olden days but alas it's not to be! Anyone else spot the funny moving eye wound that Tony had?

Now for FF6 again I will be going in to some detail so skip this paragraph if you don't want anything spoilt. Starts where 5 left off, watched that on Friday and enjoyed the hell outta it :D Nice n peaceful but they can't shake their attachments to their old lives. So friends become enemies and enemies become friends and introducing Jason Statham as the next guy they have to drive really fast to defeat :P Ridiculous action, custom cars, a tank, hand to hand hilarity, rossers being useless, the Rock's wrestling references and his mystical ability to grow his beard back in a day!

Dunno how many of you have this with something you love doing. It's a bit like an itch you can't help scratching. I kinda have that with writing, I feel like I have to do it. Also with dancing which brings me onto this hefty chunk of awesomeness:

Quotes

You must be the change you want to see in the world.

My life is my message.

Both accredited to Gandhi, something maybe lost in translation not sure.

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high for the privilege of owning yourself. - Nietzsche

The omission of good is no less reprehensible than the commission of evil.- Plutarch

Tomorrow 
A day that never came
But has managed to spoil every game

One day that takes all the blame
The basis of all fear and shame
Cripples the blossoming of life's flame
A spoiler that makes life a dream
Traps the limitless in a limited seam

A day that never comes
But the world it rules - Sadhguru

The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses - behind the lines, in the gym, and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights. - Muhammad Ali

This week has also been a bit of a blur. This was my week "off" but I spent it cramming all financial accounting back into my head! As a result I was not witness to the departure of one of the most awesome people I have ever met. Kind, thoughtful, eloquent, knowledgeable the list goes on. Never gets easier does it when amazing people walk out of your life. But she is heading for something she wholeheartedly wants to do so I can at least take solace in that! :D

Also she had quite a send off with what I can only describe as the loudest shirt I have ever seen ever! SJW I salute you sir! Good time, lots of laughs, mediocre mixed grill.Well it was a pretty damn good mixed grill, I just kinda wished there was more of it. But I kinda wish there was more of everything, well except for hail. I really don't mind any weather conditions but hail just seems a bit unnecessary!.

Strangely enough this is the second time I've been stonecold sober at a work do. The first was the Christmas party, two weeks after I'd started at the company. This is where I was introduced to Eleanor's enormously endearing laugh. I hadn't until that point spotted it, strange as I pride myself on be extremely observant.

Additionally after hearing something at dinner I went on an origami rampage: flowers, cranes, boats, hats, giraffes and xwings. I got 90% of the way through making an elephant before I lost my rag, screwed the damn thing up and made an excellent wick for my lamp! Oh I also picked up a world class opener from Marc Birch "What's your opinion on pandas?" He doesn't remember this at all, neither does his girlfriend, Eleanor, which makes me think I may have imagined the whole thing! This is a different Eleanor, not the one who possesses the enormously endearing laugh.

Also if you drink several pints of pepsi, late in the day, you will not get to sleep until 04:00.

The more astute amongst you may have noticed the little selection of quotes at the beginning. Now, I was going to be uber lazy and just leave yall with the quotes and some weak commentary around them. This is because I was gearing up for battle. By battle I mean an exam and by gearing up I mean doing everything but actually revising.

Anyway back to the quotes some of those badboys can still reduce me to tears. Now that either indicates that I am a ridiculously soft hearted so and so. Which I am, but it could equally be a testament to the power of those words. How many of you out there have seen Hero? A film all about swordplay and China, ringing any bells?

If you haven't and are planning to then I suggest you skip this paragraph as it is quite the spoiler. The main character, nameless, goes to a calligraphy school. Whilst there the school is attacked by an army of archers, mistress snow and nameless get to deflecting arrows like nobody's business. As the school is under attack the students fret and begin to flee but the master turns to his students and tells them to remain where they are. He says something like "Their arrows are nothing when compared to our words" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icSwt4hUPTs. In the youtube vid the translation is culture not words but you get vibe right?

The nugget is at about the 1 minute mark for those not inclined to wait around ;-)

Oh and guess what I paid £50 for this week? No one going to hazard a shot in the dark? Fine I'll tell you! Having not been to the dentist in two years, my father finally cajoled me into going for a check up. No problem with my teeth, they're a bit sensitive but they always have been. The guy stares at my teeth, xrays then and gives em a bit of a polish and that was it. Perfectly nice chap just not sure that 10 minutes is worth it.

Also wanting to try this out: http://mandydouglass.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/all-you-need-is-20-seconds-of-insane.html Sounds simple right? 20 seconds of insane courage. The guts to just go for it, sounds almost too good to be true. But I reckon that that could be all it takes. Think about all the times you've missed an opportunity because you chickened out?  I have heaps of examples, mostly in my personal life, where I just didn't take a chance because I was way to scared.

Existential funk...

No extra countries to add this week. But I think I may have solved the mystery of who is reading this in Russia. Someone on VK.com, russian facebook, is sharing this! Who are you mystery russian facebook sharing person?

What can I tell you about this week? Remember I mentioned that the the two sales teams are being merged into one big sales team here. See I did mention it! Anyway it finally happened. Those of you upto date will know the office was shrunk from nine to three. Now we're back up to six, not quite the good old days but it sure is nice to have more people in the office.

Some of you may know that I do dabble in a some kriya yoga, meditation etc. Had a glimpse this week, nothing earth shattering but a little clarity. Won't go on about it as it is rather difficult to explain and I know I tend to go on a bit in these posts anyways!

Couple of opportunities sprang up, one conventional and the other unlike anything I've ever done before.

I was seeking out another unrelated opp and was totally I was ready to fling myself into the unknown but the it won't materialise regardless of how hard I try! Guess I'll just have to be patient or try harder. Haven't figured out which'd be the better bet. Any thoughts from you lot out there reading this?

Had a bit of a chat with this guy on twitter. If you go here, watch the whole vid. Can you pick out the line that pretty much encompasses how you should live your life? Just a little challenge, if you're feeling up for it.

I've got the week off next week, so I'll be at my desk studying. After 26 years I think I may have had enough of this exam malarkey.

Paraphrase from Plutarch: Lead by fate or dragged by it?

Our free will extends to an extent but really we are bound by the situation within which we exist.

Sounds all airy fairy right? Humour me and try this tack - If someone knows the precise location and momentum of every atom in the universe, their past and future values for any given time can be calculated.

If you take a small closed system and know all the variables within it you can predict what will happen. Right? The universe is a system that we can understand, to some extent. But in size and complexity I think we’ve been defeated.

Slow lean towards determinism but where does that leave free will? There is a hole in this, thanks to Mr. Heisenberg and his uncertainty principle. Position and momentum can't be known simultaneously. But just because we can't measure it does it necessarily make it untrue?

Short n sweet this week I know but I'm feeling uninspired and a little angry if I'm honest. I have a good idea what this is stemming from. But it is something of an irrational root so I am quite confused as I am a very rational person.

Dr. Who! So I did this last week and I'm doing it again this week. Forgive me! So just finished watching this weeks Dr. Who so who thinks he's the Doctor triumphant? Remember when Davey Tennant tried to save that lady from Mars? We saw a glimpse of him not giving a damn and rampaging a bit. This one seems more stoic so I'm not so sure we'll ever get to see a badass character busting Doctor. Also seeing as Matt Smith is bowing out round Christmas time does that mean this fella will be stepping in?

Funny thing about Dr. Who lot's of determinism, things that will happen etc. peculiar really.

I can run! No wait...

Well, well, well the UK, US, Russia, German, Australia, Indonesia, Mauritius and New Zealand all have someone reading what I've written. Now the UK I can understand as well as Aus, NZ and Mauritius. But who are you mystery readers from the rest of the world? Not that I don't appreciate the international interest, I'm just curious to know who you all are :D Don't be shy leave a shiny comment ;-)

What did I do this past temperate bank holiday weekend I hear you cry?!?! Something adrenaline pumping, mind expanding and maybe a little life threatening is what you're expecting no doubt. But I spent it sat at my desk going ever exam questions. Facebook became something of a torture device as I would see updates of BBQs, picnics, people climbing mountains, camping and general frolicking in the sunshine!

This frustration eventually exploded resulting in me gearing up and heading out for a run. Now probably sounds like something of a non event to those of you out there who jog on a regular basis. Not sure if it's jogging or yogging it might be a soft j. I'm not sure but apparently you just run for an extended period of time. I've been mincing about with a back injury since February so my cardio has pretty much gone out the window. And anyone reading this who knows me will know that "I don't really do endurance"

• Overpriced running shoes - check
• White socks - check
• Shorts - check
• Tshirt - check
• Stopwatch - check
• Goggles - check
• Hat - check

You've read that right I do don a pair of goggles whilst running, the look like this:

I was given them for free when I bought a lab coat whilst I was masquerading as an engineering student, '05-'07.

As soon as I start everything feels great, no pain anywhere, total ease of movement. After about 5 minutes I pick up the pace when I spy something awesome!

It's a massive auger :D now I don't know why I'm so happy to see this industrial sized piece of machinery but I think it maybe because when I set out on this jog never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would spy an auger!

I finish the two miles in just under 20 mins which is slow I know but cut me a little slack I'm weary from battle. As soon as I stop my lunch makes a valiant attempt to escape via my mouth, I fight it back down and begin pacing in an effort to cool down. I get in and change from my running shorts to a different pair of shorts that I wear round the house. Yep from shorts to shorts, crazy, that's how I'm living!

Strange times at work as I was switched from one sales team to another. Not much different if I'm honest sales is sales! The teams have now been merged into one big team, big team! I have however come to the conclusion that I may have a faulty inner thermostat, is there a word for this? There must be! Everyone in the office is boiling hot whilst I am, what can only be described as, suitably temperate. If they're all at the right temp I'm freezing.

My beard, ah my beard how I am so very fond of thee. The goatee is no more it has been replaced by a suitably menacing beast, the exam beard. It's still in the awkward, itchy, not quite long enough to be a proper beard phase. But the exam is a good few weeks away so it should be rather glorious by the day :D That was the case when I first wrote this but the beard has now come in nicely check out the twitter for a pic :D

Was given the opportunity to leave the my wonderful, windowless office for a day to travel up to Durham. It's all top secret because it involves a new product but there is a website for it so I'm not so sure how secret it is. I went up there picked up a load of samples and brought them back so the sales team could get familiar with the new product that they'd be selling. The trip should have taken three hours there and three hours back. But I somehow managed it in 4.5 hours, not because I'm a youth speeder but because traffic was gloriously sparse!

Youth speeder is a term coined by the wonderful Mrs. Waldron, one of my A level biology teachers at Spalding High school. We were discussing our trips home and Claire mentioned that she often tried to keep pace with me on the way home but could not. I've got a bit of a lead foot and I overtake at every opportunity. Mrs. Walrdon's reaction to this comment was "hmmm Myooran are you a bit of a youth speeder?" She couldn't recall the term boy racer so she coined the infinitely better youth speeder :D

The week was a blur of phonecalls, driving, sun, rain and wind that'd blow your hat off! Rather terrified of next week as I will be doing something totally new, also top secret but there isn't a website so you'll all just have to wait n see :D

An addition which may come as something of an annoyance so apologies in advance. I've not really been enjoying the new season of Dr. Who, dunno why it just hasn't had the same impact. But the last two episodes have been rather awesome! Just found out the Neil Gaiman wrote the last one! There were rumours going round that one of the Dr.'s incarnations was supposed to rather nasty. With the cyberplanner taking over we got to see a little of what that'd be like, glorious :D I did also love the speedy cybermen, Warwick Davis generally being awesome, and the borgishness of upgrading humans.

Why me?

I know my CV doesn't scream marketing & PR but let me explain why I want to work in the industry.

I was always science and maths based, mostly because that's what came easy to me. But I have slowly learnt that what's really worthwhile in life rarely comes easily. Naturally my friends also had their interests rooted in science and maths. So I was blind to the arts for most of my life.

When my first full time role after university role came around I met two rather intriguing young women. I'm going to call them E and S, for the sake of anonymity. S is an illustrator with an enormous passion for what she does and E is really into marketing & PR. By working in the same office as them I saw a side of the world that I had completely overlooked until that point.

This was only the first step. I was lucky enough to sit in on several meetings with a graphic/web design consultancy firm. The people I met and the atmosphere they were working in was simply astonishing. I instantly wanted to work there! The work they do day to day ranges from local councils to national companies.

From this series of events it became clear that I really want to see if I have what it takes to work in this field. The people, atmosphere and the work all seem to line up in a way that I have never experienced before.

New job?

Now I'm not sure who reads these, so my aim may be a bit off with regards to content and detail etc. Who are you people in America? The stats say quite a few from the USA are reading these!

This week was peculiar, as I was leaving my lone thinker role behind to become part of  the local sales team. This is following the mass exodus of several people from the office, who I was ever so fond of. Yes, I am a ridiculously soft hearted oaf! :D

Now I've worked in the same office since the beginning of December, so you'd think that this would be quite a simple thing. Switching jobs not staying whilst your mates have to go. But it was kind of like starting a new job as I'd always worked by myself until now. Also the office felt totally different with so few people in it...

Anyway lets not dwell on that, in the words of the late great Bernie Mac "let's move on"

So I get in ready to rock n roll,  for those Simpsons fans out there picture homer running into the hospital when Grandpa needed a kidney. But I'm met with the same plan I've been wrestling with for several months now. Think I've got it sorted now, fingers crossed. So once I'm done I crack on with some marketing research. Those of you who have done this will know the joys of it all too well, I now know what you mean!

The next day brought more calls than I had ever made in my life, my ears were actually a little sore from wearing a headset. I think this might be because I have rather large ears but then again I do have quite a large head. I think my ears just stick out a little more than most. Day 1 of calls done and I drive home in a bit of a daze. I'm really not used to speaking that much, man of few words.

I realise that if you've read any of my posts and never met me then you are going to find that hard to believe. For some reason I am terribly succinct in person and exponentially more verbose in writing!

I park up in the drive and walk purposefully towards the front door. Any guesses as to what is waiting for me on the doorstep?

It's a pheasant pacing back and forth, an adolescent male by the looks of it. The fearful fellow is too scared to go anywhere as I am now blocking his exit vector. I stand and stare rather bemused by his running back and forth on the doorstep. I take a step back and he makes a run for it, straight to the shrubs!

The following day I attend Marc's birthday dinner, he's annoyingly late. I was so annoyed I had two starters! It was nice to see everyone again, except Eleanor B she's living it up in the hashish capital of the world ;-) Thoroughly nice evening only spoilt by my consuming carbs, damn you tasty, toasted bread!!!

I experience something that the asians amongst you will have witnessed plenty of times with your parents when exiting a family friends house. The general loitering at/near the door. We must've stood for a good 5 mins chatting outside before finally tearing ourselves away to go our separate ways.

In the following days I reconciled some differences in numbers, made many more calls, manned up, booked some appointments, more research,spotted a mistake, consulted an old friend, realised I am not so detached.

The highlight of the week was seeing how flustered Mark got when he almost sent a scan to the owner of the company instead of himself :P

A few too many words...

Recently 5/9 of the people in the office I work in were made redundant. I'm usually the one who moves on for whatever reason. So for me this was all backwards and it left me confused and angry.

I'd only known this bunch for about five months but it hurt like hell, after I got over the initial shock I wanted to know what it was that had created such a strong bond. So I stared inward and backwards, then I wrote a few words to say at the sayonara night out we were having.

It has been recorded so forgive me if this isn't exactly as I said it but it is what I intended to say:

Evening, How is everyone tonight?
Now this does strike me as quite a bad idea, as I am in possession of the quietest voice in the entire office.

I am a man of few passions:

Working out: some of you may have had the ill fortune of engaging me on the topic. I can and will talk you into a state of quivering boredom about the gym, protein and muscle groups if given half the chance.

Facts: I retain and dispense them freely. Sorry again, I know this gets tedious really quickly.

Reflection: I spend many hours analysing every action/reaction etc.

Using my powers of reflection, which looks a lot like this.

The first thing that poped into my head was that I am terribly immature. <pause to write penis on Sarah's hand>

And of course, you are all sooo awesome!

But the little voice in my head was like "that's not good enough, go deeper!"

So I sat down and thought, then I stood up and thought and lastly I laid down and thought. Several hours later I snapped back to conciousness and realised that why I'm ever so fond of you all is because we've done some really weird stuff together!!!

Some examples:
Eleanor and I walked around an industrial estate handing out information on a local milk delivery service, for three hours!

All the lads mucked in and shovelled snow on many occasion's. I've delivered milk on several occasions. And this one time me n Swapnal headed out and I managed to hit not one but two stationary objects!

Sarah and I got to work extra early one day so we could head to a school n loiter outside the gates. Handing parents, who are obviously in a massive rush, info on milk!

Lots of lettering, canvassing, dropoffs, pick-ups, throwing a bottle around, paper aeroplanes, throwing a foam cow, throwing a foam ball, talking dbz. Soooo much stuff!

There is a lot of stuff there that I don't think I'll ever do again, certainly not in another office :( little sad at that if I'm honest! Suffice it to say that these unique experiences bonded us together.

I'm very grateful to have met you all and you've had quite the impact on me in the short time we worked together in that windowless office.

Now the sincere bit's over with I'm going to try n shoehorn in the phrases on the table into the end of this thing. Going forward I would like to encourage all of you to do some work!

You never know when or where a random fact may come in useful. For example you'd have to eat about 22 pounds of chocolate to kill you.

In life you'll have many opportunities to strike a pose. Whenever this opportunity presents itself remember to smoulder...

See it now: Contrast and compare!!!