The fog.

Hey-Diddly-Ho! A four day week that completely blitzed by. Last week was when I sat an exam that was ever so confusing. There was a question in that bad boy that is usually worth 10 marks but this time round they'd amped it up to 25 marks. Now I have trained myself to eek 10 marks out of questions of this type, how can I possibly generate and extra 15 marks? I got really, really angry. Hard to believe I know as I usually look like this:

I could feel the rage building up, kind of like someone was gradually cranking up the thermostat. I also noticed I was intermittently opening and closing my hands. Then I remembered this little gem "My kokoro is brokoro!" Those of you who are au fait with Japanese anime the word kokoro translates as heart.

The impact was instantaneous and I had to hold back my laughter.

Now the last time this little phrase pulled me out of the depths of self destructive emotion was when I was driving to work. Twas the day after the announcement of redundancies. It's been about a month since all that and I'm pretty sure I'm not properly over it. Will likely write things out in great detail, wonder if it'll help.

With that in mind this four day week is the last time we will be at the current office. It was a cold, mostly windowless, slightly run down place. But I had a hell of a lot of fun there so it's probs that that I'll miss. You know who you are :-D

Ah I have a bit of a funny feeling. You know that strange thing that when you are told not to do something you just have to do it? It's akin to that and I'm being intentionally obtuse for the sake of anonymity. By saying that I have revealed, to the more perceptive of you, that it involves other people :-O :-P  It's one of those situations that I don't want to look back on with regret, too many of those languishing in my past.

Tomorrow, I've set that as the time for me to draw a line under this that has such a strong hold over me.

Something I don't tell most people is that I have been striving to disconnect my inner situation from the impact of the external. This is based on never being able to completely control the external. But what happens within should/could be entirely under your control. At least that's the theory. I did think I was a long way towards this goal as I was feeling wonderful day to day. But several things have shaken this.

Kinda reminds me of the difference between a champion and a good player. I'm thinking tennis but I'm not sure, maybe someone would be kind enough to put me out my misery? Any way the words go something like this "It's easy to win when you are playing well, winning when you aren't playing well. That's the mark of a champion" Gonna spell it out :D sorry. Mostly for myself I'm a bit dense.

So if everything is going swimmingly it's easy to be joyful but if it's hit the fan then the easy thing to do is feel sorry for yourself. What is expected of you is to be down. Now who wants to do the exact same thing everyone else is doing? Break the mould, stand out of the crowd and various other clichés to that effect :D

Gary Barlow replied to one of my tweets!