The 1st day of March!

A Flash back from the 1st of March:

<<<Harp music instantly inducing a sense of nostalgia>>> Kinda only works for me and anyone who was there...
Up at 03:00 that day so I could energise my system adequately, kriya yoga. I then drove to Newark, where Paul was waiting. We bolted up to Durham and hung about the staff room drinking tea before shooting off to three schools. Varying levels of worry regarding the impending change of course, to be expected. I shan't go into detail, official secrets and all that mumbo jimbo.

So when we get back to Paul's it is around 15:30 and he advises me that since we've been on the go since 06:00 I should go home. I give him a wry smile and say "Raving not behaving tonight Paul!" Words to that effect anyhow :-P

Our first night out in Lincoln with the office! We did attempt this once before. I say we but it was Swapnal who talked about it happening then didn't inform anyone of the time or place until very shortly beforehand! Schoolboy error...of the 11 invited only 4 showed up to Rileys; Swapnal, Mark, Chris and me! We play darts, we suck at darts. I buy an overpriced pizza and call it a night. Pleasant enough but it was a let down in terms of turnout.

Back to the 1st of March! I arrive back at the office at 16:30, giving me thirty minutes to work. I type up something akin to a contact report and drive to Swapnal's so I can transform myself from mild mannered office bloke to an old school version of myself, all shall become clear.

Now here's where I made my first mistake, shoes. I found an old pair of rather swish looking formal shoes, and I think to myself "why don't I wear these anymore?" I got them back in 2005, when I first went off to Uni. Expressly for the purpose of formal hall dinners. I also pick an old silk shirt I haven't worn in a while. It is early March so as you can expect nighttime is going to be rather cold. In my infinite wisdom I couple a black silk shirt and jeans with a bright yellow vest :S moving on! Back in the day I'd have gone out in just the vest n jeans X-D

 Here's a pic of my big right arm. I noticed that the text was getting a bit overwhelming so I thought I'd break it up with this! Incidentally I only have the one big arm, ever noticed how I always stand with one side to the room and never square on??? 



Quickly get changed at Swap's place as we expect we've only got minutes before our office catches up to us. Not the case we had ages as they aren't the swiftest of walkers. We go to the Coop where they may have gone to get money out and see no one so we walk in to town.

Are you finding it odd that I can recall all these details of an event that happened 5 months ago? Well that's my memory for you, excruciating detail of every occurrence. From my birth to this moment...

It's not really that good :P but I do recall a hell of a lot more than "normal" people would. Admittedly I don't tend to remember anything that matters. Just stuff that has very little applied use. If I say that I don't remember something we've talked about then I am likely lying. I remember every conversation I've had since I was like 10 years old.

So the first stop is Rileys where there is a bit of a song and a dance about memberships. Once that's sorted we get to pool. Teams of two and I'm paired with Eleanor. At this point in time I don't really know Eleanor, I think she doesn't trust me. She's right not to, I am a crafty character... ;-) We play and thus break the ice, kind of. James and David are at a level that is beyond the rest of us, so they are left to dual each other.

Just as I'm getting back in the groove, potting left right n centre we head to the pub. At this point in time we are down one of the troops. That is because she was told we were off to Rileys and assumed it was the one we went to last time, when only four of us showed up. It is in the opposite direction to town so she agrees to meet us after we're done with Rileys. Am I making sense?

The green dot is where we worked, B is the Rileys she thought we'd gone to and A is the one we went to. As you can see it wouldn't make sense to head out of town to head back in. But thanks to Mark's crystal clear explanatory abilities Sarah joins us in the pub. I order after everyone else, on account of my securing the tables, so my mixed grill arrives as everyone is mid meal. Eleanor was kind enough to wait with me whilst I ordered, considerate girl! I unleash my eating demons and devour it in record time. Chris S and Emma make their exit around now.

Mark craftily creeps and successfully switches seats leaving the only open seat for Sarah right next to him, you sly lad you ;-) So Sarah arrives, I would include a pic but I daren't ask permission, and I think that Ollie Murs said it best:

Um yeah, let's move on...Eleanor spots a young man on the adjoining table. She goes on to express her new found affection for him as he appears...she can't quite find the word. I stare at him and come up with the word earnest. Apparently bang on :D Around now the conversation takes something of a toxic turn. Well I thought it was toxic so I interject with Marc Birch's genius conversational piece "what's your opinion on pandas?" Swift change of subject achieved! Like a boss!

Some time travel talk later she says "all the nice ones are gay...are you gay?" Now it's nice to hear that I class as one of the "nice ones" but she also thinks I may be gay! Insult? Compliment? combo of the two? I know not! 

I do conform to certain behaviours that have been associated with gay men:

• Obsession with weights
• Moisturising
• Soft s'
• Love of dance

Swapnal, James and David are having an in depth discussion about business. I'm spared the detail as I was still a lone wolf, well I sat in the corner plotting how to conquer...I think this is still a secret I'm not allowed to divulge. I'm not a secret agent or an assassin but then again that's exactly what a secret agent/assassin would say...I can say I work in the dairy industry and I was once covered in an experimental product during it's testing phase. As a result I have gained superhuman selling skills that I use every day to peddle FMCG!

Quo Vadis is where we are treated to an experience none of us shall soon forget. This is of course the master of disaster Mark Tin Tin Taylor on the prowl. He is like a force of nature that can not and will not stop. Approaching and opening many a set, this level of game is something I've only seen from "naturals" or someone who has been trained. There is another option I have come up with and that is that he is fearless in the face of rejection! I should also mention that his choice of drink came in a fish bowl which he cradles in one arm on to the dancefloor! This continues throughout the night...

We inevitably end up stood outside as some of our office peeps have a shmoke. The girls get cold and I, in a fit of chivalry, embrace them both to my ample bosom. It really is ample, ask anyone, I can't touch my elbows together it's so very, very ample. Oh and I was freezing cold as well, also any excuse for a hug! Turns out I'm not quite tall enough to effectively hug Elle with heels on. She even throws a sh*t test my way! Been a long time since any girl's tried that on me, made me laugh like a cliche villain.

Gerrard joins us at some point as he has just departed the business. Now Gerrard is in possession of a voice that could soothe a savage storm whilst simultaneously lulling several infants to sleep. You don't believe me? Then see for yourself!

Cigars! We can't get into Lola's as they don't let people in who wear trainers that look like they are made for sport. James is ready to argue the case but we move on. This is where it gets a little hazy I do remember martini's and sitting on some couches in Kind.

Sarah inexplicably develops hiccups, aren't all hiccups inexplicable? Phrenic nerve I know :D My first attempt resulted in possibly the worst photo that exists of me! As you can see blinded by the flash I look like a total bell-end!

The second attempt was a total success, breath holding contest! As I knew Sarah was likely to be very competitive, keen Rollergirl that she is. I also knew I'd win, in my prime I could hold me breath for 4 minutes, I won but that's not really important :-P

The girls depart as does James and Mark. Running down the street apologising left right and center for Marks speedy chat up attempts. Might just be me but if you're on a night out with girls and they call it a night does it always peter out afterwards? I've noticed this happen on at least 6 different occasions.

Swapnal, David, Chris and myself end up on Tokyo. I love to dance :-D much like Van Damme :D and we break up a fight, sort of, before heading home. Once at Swapnal's we spot a duvet in the hallway, strange. We head upstairs and see that the couch is occupied by a large lad who gives us a smile before falling back asleep. Swapnal makes me an offer I can't refuse, sharing his bed. This is all so sudden we've only known each other a few months...

We've got takeaway so we can't just go straight to bed, naturally we watch some 30 Rock! Yet to fully catch up with it myself, so much TV to watch it's unreal! After a few explosive turning over occurences, I move in bed like a sprinter out the blocks. I sort of launch myself into the air and land in a new position. That particular night though, anyone observing my actions may conclude I am infact fighting the wall. Elbows, knees and the odd heel. All in all a good nights sleep!

I've since slept in every bed in that house bar the one in Vicky's room. Only a matter of time ;-)

Oh and remember those shoes that I found that I never wore? Well here's why, they hack and slash at feet with a ferocity I have never encountered before! I now possess a scar on my left foot as a result!

From left to right: Sarah, Eleanor and me!
Easier to ask forgiveness than permission so if either of you lovely ladies are enraged then please forgive me ;-)

The fog.

Hey-Diddly-Ho! A four day week that completely blitzed by. Last week was when I sat an exam that was ever so confusing. There was a question in that bad boy that is usually worth 10 marks but this time round they'd amped it up to 25 marks. Now I have trained myself to eek 10 marks out of questions of this type, how can I possibly generate and extra 15 marks? I got really, really angry. Hard to believe I know as I usually look like this:

I could feel the rage building up, kind of like someone was gradually cranking up the thermostat. I also noticed I was intermittently opening and closing my hands. Then I remembered this little gem "My kokoro is brokoro!" Those of you who are au fait with Japanese anime the word kokoro translates as heart.

The impact was instantaneous and I had to hold back my laughter.

Now the last time this little phrase pulled me out of the depths of self destructive emotion was when I was driving to work. Twas the day after the announcement of redundancies. It's been about a month since all that and I'm pretty sure I'm not properly over it. Will likely write things out in great detail, wonder if it'll help.

With that in mind this four day week is the last time we will be at the current office. It was a cold, mostly windowless, slightly run down place. But I had a hell of a lot of fun there so it's probs that that I'll miss. You know who you are :-D

Ah I have a bit of a funny feeling. You know that strange thing that when you are told not to do something you just have to do it? It's akin to that and I'm being intentionally obtuse for the sake of anonymity. By saying that I have revealed, to the more perceptive of you, that it involves other people :-O :-P  It's one of those situations that I don't want to look back on with regret, too many of those languishing in my past.

Tomorrow, I've set that as the time for me to draw a line under this that has such a strong hold over me.

Something I don't tell most people is that I have been striving to disconnect my inner situation from the impact of the external. This is based on never being able to completely control the external. But what happens within should/could be entirely under your control. At least that's the theory. I did think I was a long way towards this goal as I was feeling wonderful day to day. But several things have shaken this.

Kinda reminds me of the difference between a champion and a good player. I'm thinking tennis but I'm not sure, maybe someone would be kind enough to put me out my misery? Any way the words go something like this "It's easy to win when you are playing well, winning when you aren't playing well. That's the mark of a champion" Gonna spell it out :D sorry. Mostly for myself I'm a bit dense.

So if everything is going swimmingly it's easy to be joyful but if it's hit the fan then the easy thing to do is feel sorry for yourself. What is expected of you is to be down. Now who wants to do the exact same thing everyone else is doing? Break the mould, stand out of the crowd and various other clichés to that effect :D

Gary Barlow replied to one of my tweets!

Existential funk...

No extra countries to add this week. But I think I may have solved the mystery of who is reading this in Russia. Someone on VK.com, russian facebook, is sharing this! Who are you mystery russian facebook sharing person?

What can I tell you about this week? Remember I mentioned that the the two sales teams are being merged into one big sales team here. See I did mention it! Anyway it finally happened. Those of you upto date will know the office was shrunk from nine to three. Now we're back up to six, not quite the good old days but it sure is nice to have more people in the office.

Some of you may know that I do dabble in a some kriya yoga, meditation etc. Had a glimpse this week, nothing earth shattering but a little clarity. Won't go on about it as it is rather difficult to explain and I know I tend to go on a bit in these posts anyways!

Couple of opportunities sprang up, one conventional and the other unlike anything I've ever done before.

I was seeking out another unrelated opp and was totally I was ready to fling myself into the unknown but the it won't materialise regardless of how hard I try! Guess I'll just have to be patient or try harder. Haven't figured out which'd be the better bet. Any thoughts from you lot out there reading this?

Had a bit of a chat with this guy on twitter. If you go here, watch the whole vid. Can you pick out the line that pretty much encompasses how you should live your life? Just a little challenge, if you're feeling up for it.

I've got the week off next week, so I'll be at my desk studying. After 26 years I think I may have had enough of this exam malarkey.

Paraphrase from Plutarch: Lead by fate or dragged by it?

Our free will extends to an extent but really we are bound by the situation within which we exist.

Sounds all airy fairy right? Humour me and try this tack - If someone knows the precise location and momentum of every atom in the universe, their past and future values for any given time can be calculated.

If you take a small closed system and know all the variables within it you can predict what will happen. Right? The universe is a system that we can understand, to some extent. But in size and complexity I think we’ve been defeated.

Slow lean towards determinism but where does that leave free will? There is a hole in this, thanks to Mr. Heisenberg and his uncertainty principle. Position and momentum can't be known simultaneously. But just because we can't measure it does it necessarily make it untrue?

Short n sweet this week I know but I'm feeling uninspired and a little angry if I'm honest. I have a good idea what this is stemming from. But it is something of an irrational root so I am quite confused as I am a very rational person.

Dr. Who! So I did this last week and I'm doing it again this week. Forgive me! So just finished watching this weeks Dr. Who so who thinks he's the Doctor triumphant? Remember when Davey Tennant tried to save that lady from Mars? We saw a glimpse of him not giving a damn and rampaging a bit. This one seems more stoic so I'm not so sure we'll ever get to see a badass character busting Doctor. Also seeing as Matt Smith is bowing out round Christmas time does that mean this fella will be stepping in?

Funny thing about Dr. Who lot's of determinism, things that will happen etc. peculiar really.

New job?

Now I'm not sure who reads these, so my aim may be a bit off with regards to content and detail etc. Who are you people in America? The stats say quite a few from the USA are reading these!

This week was peculiar, as I was leaving my lone thinker role behind to become part of  the local sales team. This is following the mass exodus of several people from the office, who I was ever so fond of. Yes, I am a ridiculously soft hearted oaf! :D

Now I've worked in the same office since the beginning of December, so you'd think that this would be quite a simple thing. Switching jobs not staying whilst your mates have to go. But it was kind of like starting a new job as I'd always worked by myself until now. Also the office felt totally different with so few people in it...

Anyway lets not dwell on that, in the words of the late great Bernie Mac "let's move on"

So I get in ready to rock n roll,  for those Simpsons fans out there picture homer running into the hospital when Grandpa needed a kidney. But I'm met with the same plan I've been wrestling with for several months now. Think I've got it sorted now, fingers crossed. So once I'm done I crack on with some marketing research. Those of you who have done this will know the joys of it all too well, I now know what you mean!

The next day brought more calls than I had ever made in my life, my ears were actually a little sore from wearing a headset. I think this might be because I have rather large ears but then again I do have quite a large head. I think my ears just stick out a little more than most. Day 1 of calls done and I drive home in a bit of a daze. I'm really not used to speaking that much, man of few words.

I realise that if you've read any of my posts and never met me then you are going to find that hard to believe. For some reason I am terribly succinct in person and exponentially more verbose in writing!

I park up in the drive and walk purposefully towards the front door. Any guesses as to what is waiting for me on the doorstep?

It's a pheasant pacing back and forth, an adolescent male by the looks of it. The fearful fellow is too scared to go anywhere as I am now blocking his exit vector. I stand and stare rather bemused by his running back and forth on the doorstep. I take a step back and he makes a run for it, straight to the shrubs!

The following day I attend Marc's birthday dinner, he's annoyingly late. I was so annoyed I had two starters! It was nice to see everyone again, except Eleanor B she's living it up in the hashish capital of the world ;-) Thoroughly nice evening only spoilt by my consuming carbs, damn you tasty, toasted bread!!!

I experience something that the asians amongst you will have witnessed plenty of times with your parents when exiting a family friends house. The general loitering at/near the door. We must've stood for a good 5 mins chatting outside before finally tearing ourselves away to go our separate ways.

In the following days I reconciled some differences in numbers, made many more calls, manned up, booked some appointments, more research,spotted a mistake, consulted an old friend, realised I am not so detached.

The highlight of the week was seeing how flustered Mark got when he almost sent a scan to the owner of the company instead of himself :P