Moustache woes

This week I've been given the helm of the good ship local. The usual helmsman, a flamboyant yorkshire man, is away on holiday. In his absence we have come to realise that he does way more than you think. Spending a fair bit of time emailing here n there.

I've also stopped trimming my beard back to a pedestrian length. I think it looks better for it but now my moustache is being unruly. It appears to have split into four separate parts. The bit that's directly under my nostrils, separated by my philtrum, and the side bits.

What do I do with the bits that won't be tamed? shorten them? Wait to see if they become more tameable as time passes? Any moustache aficionados out there want to help a brother out? Of course there are loads of you packing a killer tache out there that just aren't willing to post a helpful comment...just because you bleach your moustache doesn't mean it's gone!

There is a hedgehog that lives somewhere in my front garden. It may well be the same one from here:
http://mgb2000x.blogspot.com/2013/04/tim-labrador-and-legend.html

That's him there he's 12 but still has the same level of enthusiasm as he had as a pup. Even though he sees me every day! How does he do it, if I saw me near enough every day for 12 years I'd get pretty sick of me. Lovely fellow.

Saw him after driving back from Marc's farewell picnic. was sat in the drive that time. This time he, dunno if it's a he or a she tbh, was wandering around the front garden. I got within my explosive closing distance. This is the distance at which you can not escape my grasp. From my days as a street fighter/rugby player. So I could've dived, grabbed the hog and rolled to my feet in triumph. Well at least that's how it goes in my head. In reality I think I would have either landed on the hog from the hedge or missed it altogether and faceplanted on the lawn. This bit is just so I don't leave and odd bit of line sticking out. Well I think it looks awful so these words are odd filler.

So the working week ended with a nice surprise. I was awarded a bottle of wine! For services to transport, I basically ferry the workforce to and from work. Only other thing I'd gotten from work to date was free milk, a rather fetching fleece and getting to meet some rather kickass individuals :D

Got back in touch with an old acquaintance, always nice to hear from folk from my past. Now I realise the past doesn't exist it's just an illusion created by memory etc. Anyone who I haven't been in contact with for a while do just randomly drop me a line. I spend a lot of my time working out, reading, gaming and writing these monstrous morsels of verbosity. So if you do get in touch you will be disrupting goings on of the highest importance (!)

I finally got a frame for the awesome photo Marc gave me before he left Lincoln forever. I also stuck a quote I got someone to write for me in a frame. If you are reading this thank you for indulging me so often. It shall fit in nicely amongst all the other things that I have inexplicably held onto over the years. A pheasant's tail feather, a swiss milk thing, three old watches, a small empty bottle of Jack Daniels, an enormous empty bottle of grolsch, some black lightning. That's right I have trapped black lightning and I'm storing it in my room.

This week was also the first time I used a nose hair trimmer. Graham Norton was a guest on the one show, some time ago, and asked Adrian Chiles if he'd ever used a nose hair trimmer. Adrian was saw this a question that crossed some boundaries but reluctantly answered yes. Graham went on to describe it being a lot like what it would be like to put a bee up your nose. I can confirm that Graham was right it is a lot like having a bee up your nose.

Now I haven't had a bee up my nose but I have had a wasp up my nose before. I was young and someone had dropped some cake, thus attracting wasps to the scene. I was too busy charging around being a small boy to pay attention to the small swarm that had amassed in the vicinity. One went up my nose and I nonchalantly closed the other nostril and blew it out. One mother observed this and the word spread like wildfire eventually reaching the ears of my overprotective mother. She descended in a flurry of high pitched worry. I was fine of course and insisted that she unhand me immediately so I may continue haphazardly running about.

Now some time my world was jolted quite a bit details are strewn across this blog so I shan't repeat myself. One of the things that I stopped doing subsequent to what happened was polishing my shoes. Since I was in year eight I have always polished my shoes every week, now that's thirteen years.

Anyone out there, who doesn't know how old I am, care to hazard a guess based on the previous statement? I thought not...

Anyway it's been a couple of months of not polishing my shoes and today I buffed up the badboys :D. Now this may be something that I am blowing out of all proportion but I think it shows I'm moving on. Funny thing is I'm living on my own atm and I thought that this would lead to me descending into the depths of depression and darkness. But quite the opposite, I caught myself getting out of bed dancing! I've actually been dancing a rather frequently. Now dancing is something I LOVE to do. I can't emphasise how much I love to dance! This is not me bragging about how amazing I am at dancing, as I am average at best. But it just fills me with such awesomeness :D

I've also realised that I do like to write shopping lists, get in the car and drive to the supermarket without the list!

Sunday, I awoke and got my yoga on. Today was to be the day for afternoon tea! Or so I thought...
I was masterfully manipulated into going to Damon's Restaurant and Motel by the that sly siren of subtle suasiveness E Bizzle! I'm being unfair as all it took was a simple question, Damon's? Spent a good proportion of my morning fretting over whether or not I would be able to find a house I had been to at least a dozen times. The issue is that I had always been directed to the house and as such had never had any reason to commit it to memory! Luckily I knew the view from the window as it was the desktop background of aforementioned suasive siren. Funny thing is once I pulled up outside the house and looked into one of the windows I knew I was at the right place. I could see the outline of a disney princess or two.

Bit of a drive hither and dither which I thoroughly enjoyed. I love to drive. I've been driving for as long as I can remember and I've likely done more miles than most people my age. I've probs covered 15,000 miles a year at least, so 10 years on the road = 150,000 miles! I once did 2000 miles in a week! Ah I sure have spent many hours on the road.

After the road we pulled into Damon's and I was reunited with my old friend the chicken wing! I've not partaken of this poultry delight since my defeat, which can be seen here https://www.facebook.com/ribsnbibs Look for a sincere face of defeat wearing a rather kickass T. They have not been spoilt by the experience and I polished of 10 :D There is a bold claim from my fiendish fellow foodie that the ribs at Damon's are better than the ribs at Ribs'n'Bibs. Having never tasted the ribs from the latter I would like to ascertain by a show of hands which is better? Or we could differ to Harry Hill's preferred method of settling stalemates...FIGHT!

The ribs were rather lovely, ooh I almost forgot I had bread for the first time since the BBQ at Birchwood! Carbohydrates I hate you but I love you...

As a result of the awesomeness of the ribs my hands now smell delightfully smokey and sweet! What followed was a banoffee pie with ice cream. I've not been so full in quite a while and was unable to polish off the slice! I have grown weak in my old age...or all this dieting has actually depleted my previously inexhaustible reserves of gastric capacity. A short drive back to the house and we parted company. I always hate it when a party ends but then again from what I can see this is one long party...

Me myself and I...

This week wasn't the usual. For one my dog, Tim, lost his vitality. His back leg swelled up to a ridiculous size and he stopped eating. Now this is a fellow who once got into the garage and ate around 10 kg of Bakers dog food and would've eaten more had he not been caught in the act!

Turned out that it was because he couldn't stand up and bend down because he couldn't put any weight on his bad leg. So with the help of out trusty washing machine part we manage to get it to a height he's comfortable eating from!

Now this part is not to be confused with the drum.
The drum looks like this:

Kinda like a cheese grater on steroids. This other thing is what the drum sits inside. Anyone have any idea of what its called?

If you're wondering why I've got a collection of washing machine bits it's because the old washing machine broke and I systematically dismantled it. We use the hollow shell for burning hedge clippings etc.

Now the next morning he won't eat regardless of what I try. Normally when I go to see him in the morning he's full of life and bouncing because that's what tiggers do best! But today he limps out and just looks at me. He's an old man now but I wasn't expecting such a dramatic shift in the space of a few days.

Dad's about so he'll take to the vet asap. I man up and head off to work. On the drive I pretty much resign myself to the possibility of Tim's death. And strangely it doesn't bother me. He's old and struggling it makes sense for him to go now. He pops up in my mind from time to time as I'm at work but I'm feeling the same way as earlier. On the drive back I remember him as a puppy and all the little foibles that let me know that it's him for sure. Now I can't stand the thought of him dying.

Funny thing about Tim is that I spent the most time with him out of our family so he always responded to me the most out of everyone. In a way I raised him and because he was really strong I was pretty much the only one that could walk him properly. And now this crazy, always upbeat creature is going to die!

When I get home my dad and bro talk me through the details of the visit to the vet in clinical detail. Dad's a GP and my bro is a medical student, standard I know for a Sri Lankan family. Turns out that he should be fine within a week with antibiotics and anti inflammatories. The next day his appetite is back and his joy for life is back too. Now this highlights something of a shortcoming in myself. This is that I have managed to suffer something that does not exist. That is to say I suffered my dogs death and he didn't even die!

Madness right? But I do this with sooo much stuff it's unreal. You know the what ifs etc. Considering the possibility is fine, so you can prep an adequate response/countermeasure. But why go through all the negative emotion and suffering? Long way to go for sure.

The team leader in all but name of team local went on holiday this week. Leaving myself and James to hold down the fort in his absence. He deserves a holiday as he does beaver away like his life depends on it every day! I tend to have fluctuations in my productivity depending on blood sugar, stimulant levels, sleep etc. He's a bit like a force of nature when it comes to work, unrelenting. His eyelashes, which he had tinted the previous weekend, have gone black making it look like he's wearing mascara. #nightmare

Ooh and on the way to work we spotted Eleanor! She was heading to her new job as a B2B sales something...my memory is failing me! A sure sign that it's a little late in the day for writing detailed shtuff...00:40 time for bed?

Nope gonna plough ahead! My folks and my bro are heading off to Sri Lanka for four weeks. No biggie right? Indeed it's not but it's the first time I won't be going along with them. I was always the go to back up dude when dad wasn't quite on the money with something. Also I was the one who lugged our uber heavy bags everywhere. Not to mention all the family I'll be missing out on.

Now when I say all the family they are mostly based on Sri Lanka. And there are hoards of em. Where else round the world do I have family? Well India, Austrailia, Denmark, America, France, Germany, UAE and there are others kicking about that I won't have heard of in remote bits of the globe for sure.

Dropped them off at the airport drove back home. Driving there n back I saw signs for the warner bros studio tour and thought to myself I must go one of these days. On my return home I check FB and strangely enough a relatively new old work friend is there today! Does the term make sense "new old work friend" ? I've only met her relatively recently at work, December 2012, and we no longer work together.

Anyway get back and go into shoonya, it's hard to explain but I'll give it a go. Actually I won't because it'll go on for wayyy too long and ain't nobody got time for that! Off to the shops to get some supplies and back home in time to realise I've missed half the final of the voice.

For dinner I decided to have a whole roast chicken. Something I wouldn't think twice about in my younger days. Today I barely managed to get past the halfway point! When did I become so normal, with regards to my ability to eat large quantities of food? I've actually changed! Urgh I don't want to be old and sensible.

Here is where I went to bed...but this next bit happened before I went to bed Saturday night.

Delve into some pics and this throws up some relatively new old emotions I haven't properly dealt with. And I am feeling down town Lester Brown and it's only getting worse. Then boom, kapow, crash and all those other classic Batman sound effects that made the show so kick ass! Are they really sound effects? Cos they used to flash on screen like this:

Anyway it was super big moon that I  saw from my state of regression. And it's super bigness snapped me right out of my down-ness. Ah moon meister is there anything you can't do?

Peculiar dreams about people from my recent past. Nothing particularly peculiar but very detailed storylines.

Guess what I did on Sunday? Andrenaline maxing ironing of course! I actually did it over a few hours and ironed all sorts of shtuff.. Also dug out a pair of trousers that I didn't even know I had! Was gonna finish on a cliché but I've resisted the urge.

Ooh Man of Steel! The day after the BBQ in Birchwood, I headed of to the Odeon in Lincoln to see Man of Steel. Now the ads look great and I am an uberley massive Superman fan since I was like 5 so I am well hyped for the film :D Also had my first KFC in many years, thoroughly underwhelmed. Get to the screen and sit through the inevitable trailers. And the film kicks off. In short it has it's moments but as a whole it's a little disjointed and I don't really care about the characters. There is a twist at the end which made me cry. Some of may say I cry rather frequently but this is a real heart wrencher.

This quote "You will give the people an ideal to strive towards. They will race behind you, they will stumble, they will fall. But in time, they will join you in the sun. In time, you will help them accomplish wonders." Gandhi said "you must be the change you wish to see in the world." I always look for the nuggets of truth/messages that writers are trying to convey. This is such a powerful message. If that's all you take away from the film then it was worth it.

***SPOILER***The early years stuff is good, Clark has to show restraint and hates it every step of the way. Even when he saves the lives of a school bus full of kids his dad gives him a bit of a bollocking. His wandering and childish outburst at a douchebag trucker are good. Him on fire on an oilrig and smashing Zod are awesome. Reminds me of Ichigo's ultimate facepalm on Aizen. Then there are bits on Krypton which kinda conflict with what I'd always held to be the truth in that universe. But I've not read enough of the comics to comment.***SPOILER***

***SPOILER***I was hoping for Brainiac, that badass SOB would represent a real threat. Did like the nods to luthercorp in the film suggesting the crazy rich guy is still kicking it. There is a massive 10 minute fight at the end which culminates in Zod letting loose on civilians. Now he's military and this is a terrorist tactic that his "honour" wouldn't allow him to use. At least that's my thinking but there he is using his heat vision towards unarmed humans. Superman has him in a in a headlock and has to kill him or watch as people die. He breaks Zod's neck. That's the point I noticed there were tears streaming down my face. ***SPOILER***

Here's the stupid thing about my now that I've written it down it seems like it was a good film! It's just that it didn't blow me away like I was hoping it would. What was the last film to blow me away? 300?

Burgers, sausages, chicken thighs, pork shoulder, raspberry cheesecake and victoria sponge!

Dates evade me, I'm pretty useless at telling how long ago something happened. I think this happened a week ago. If it was sooner or longer then do let me know.

Anyhoo Chris, dude I work with, invites the office over for a BBQ. Now this is because it's been blindingly awesome weather as of late. But as the week progresses the weather forecast is not looking good.

Now as always Mark has something suitably peculiar lined up to occur on the same day as the BBQ is planned for. Any guesses what this is? Well this unique young man is having his eyebrows waxed and his eye lashes tinted. o_O Funny thing is till he pointed it out his eyebrows are proper bushy so they could probs use some kinda pruning.

So the day rolls round and I start up a fb thread with all involved. To keep tabs on whats going down, who's bringing what, times weather etc. Now I've uncharacteristically woken up round 09:00 on Saturday and didn't have time to fit in my kriyas + suryanamaskars. So after midday I start the 2 hour routine that I do every day for the past few years.

Now once I've started this process I am not supposed to stop for anything short of the house burning down. As I go through the various processes I can hear my phone going off. Not once or twice but over and over again. Now the problem solving part of my mind is going into overdrive trying to fathom what in the world is going on the requires me immediate attention! I keep my focus and complete my practice before checking my phone. Turns out it's a logistical issue that I'm uniquely endowed to solve. Someone needs a lift and I have a car :P

So I do a drive by and we get to Chris's round 17:00. Now I was expecting to be the last one to the party but Swapnal is the only one there. Mad Mark Taylor is nowhere to be seen. They dude is too busy shopping for his holiday in Cancun. And I'm immediately introduced to Buddy, he's a Jack Russell/chihuahua and quite the show stealer.

So the party gets started and the bbq gets fired up. I bust out my camera well it's my bro's camera but he's such a recluse that it never gets used so I've claimed it. I try to snap the fire as I'm something of a pyromaniac. Well I think we're all pyros to a certain extent. Any thoughts on why that is you say? Well I think it's because fire gives us a massive survival advantage. Heat, light, scaring away beasties of course we are gonna be wired to love it. Now on the flip side it does kinda represent the end of universe.

This goes back to something one of my A level physics teachers said to me. Once energy has been transformed into heat then it spreads and can never be reclaimed. Something about this destructive act appeals to us? Are we wired to seek destruction? Anyway I won't get into that here as it neither the time or the place.

The time comes and Mark arrives in a blaze of well not really a blaze of anything. He's so late that it's just a torrent of abuse. But he deflects superbly as he's "fuming" £18.74 to have his eye brows and lashes done. The man is a one man show all day every day.

Now the revelation of the evening, foodwise, is that pork shoulder is amazing! It really is if you haven't tucked into pork shoulder then you are missing out. I live a predominantly veggie life, mostly because of my body's annyoing tendency to build muscle whenever sufficiently fuelled with protein. And Emma's cakes! Earlier that week we had some but the cheesecake is on another level!

So the evening progresses indoors and the Wii comes into play. Mark and Swapnal lose consecutive games of wii bowling meaning they are on morning and evening tea/coffee duty on Monday. Mark is shocked by a shock collar and I eat some more cake. Before heading home at midnight.

This is the third evening where I've gone to a gathering a not had a drop to drink. The first was the christmas meal, the second was Mandy's leaving do. I may actually be growing up! It's a little scary. Soon enough I'll be able to fix anything and talk at great length about a variety of topics.

Wait a minute...I can kinda talk about most things at length! Once I decipher the mysteries of internal combustion I'll be a proper man!

Pic-a-nic

Today was started sombrely, Marc Birch would be leaving Lincoln for the bright lights of Stroud. Where he will be creating pies and forging his place as one the greatest IT dudes of all time.

 So what did I do yesterday? Oh that's right I was given a local authority tender, yay something different :D Why do I get so bored of things so quickly?

It's not cos I'm particularly clever, I feign intelligence very well with my amazing feats of memory. Maybe I have a small attention span. But then again I can work at full throttle for ages when the intensity is right. Just need to find a way to crank up the intensity. How hard can that be?


Anyway back to what this lovely pic is about :-D. Now the gentleman in the white Tshirt is Marc Birch. An absolutely top bloke! So absolute is his topness, that he drew this rag tag bunch together on the day before his departure from Lincoln.

I park the car in front of Swapnal's and get everything out. He can't come out to play as he's off to MK to hang with his parentals before being thoroughly interrogated for the purposes of the potential offer of a final interrogation!

I brought along some suitably flamboyant flowery garden chairs, and a large mat upon which I used to do my suryanamaskars. Mark, being the most masculine example of manhood insisted in carrying all four chairs. We are now in search of Sarah who is sat on a wall near the lion. Of course this takes us up an incline which leaves Mark huffing and puffing. The guy is all about power he doesn't really do endurance.

So when we arrive Sarah is drawing! I know...totally out of character for Sarah Fisher, freelance illustrator, to be sketching trees whilst in the arboretum. Anyways I start setting up the whole ting and she deftly dismounts the wall. From the results of the 54 photos I took, not a fan of being the central focus of any pic.

After sometime we sight the man of the hour, Marc Thomas Birch. He's got a massive black bag with him. As he approaches I can hear a jangling! Turns out he's brought along proper cutlery! Some more chatting and Eleanor deftly sneaks up behind Mark. Leading to this image:

A proper romantic reunion moment. For all their enraged rowing those two have something rather special ;-) Anyway they launch into a hashtag battle that leaves me almost falling off my stool!

Now I gave up my chair when Elle arrived, partly because I am a chivalrous old world knight and partly because I have a bad back that gets better when I sit without support. Being the genius I am I positioned the three legged fold out stool on an incline. Ao when I face the group I have to lean forwards or run the risk of rolling down the hill. I now wish I had rolled down the hill!

Stephen and Gerrard arrive at the same time, Stephen is carrying a lovely brolly :D. He also goes straight for the herby sausage...

Scotch eggs, 2 types of small sausage, sandwiches, salad, millionaires shortbread, flapjacks, french dressing, mayo and ketchup. Twas a rather nice picnic that attracted several dogs! Sarah exits early on account of having previous plans. Such are the perils of short notice picnics!

The weather is peculiar, warm but cloudy. Too warm to wear and extra layer for any prolonged period but not warm enough to relax in a single layer for too long. Ah beautiful British summer time!

Eleanor and Mark head off into the undergrowth in search of a toilet! Not for anything unsavoury I might add, well at least I don't think that's what they were up to... Myself, Marc, Stephen and Gerrard pack up the gear and head back to the car to stow it. So we can wander about some more unburdened by picnic bric-a-brac. On the way there I spy Vicky, Swapnal's housemate, hanging out outside their front door. Friendly waves and surprised looks are exchanged :D

The cafe, which has toilets is closed. So when Mark and Eleanor arrive they're all squirmy n what not. I step up and knock on the door and awkwardly ask Vicky if these lovely folk can use the facilities. She kindly hustles Scott out the shower and lets us in. We wander up to the lounge and Mark insists I take a pic of him back on his pew. He snapchats Swapnal, who is confused and fuming as a result.

It was around this time that my camera started freezing up. I'd only taken 53 pics and then I remembered that I'd taken 200 a couple of weeks ago and not charged it up X-O.

We stare at the awesomeness of the upstairs lounge kitchen area and I point out the guitar. "Oh yeah I do play guitar" You crafty bastard :-P I could have quite happily stayed in the lounge/kitchen but it was a bit odd to hang about in a house where the only tenant you know is out and the other one you kinda know is heading out imminently.

So to the maze! Hit by a smell I love, it's kinda pine-ish wood chips. Elle hates this smell, so if you ever want to keep her away you now know what to deploy. Now the only reason you'd keep her away is if you were, for example, prepping a surprise party for her or if you were working with a creature that was equal parts hilarious and skittish...

Upon arriving at the maze we choose the wrong entrance. And now it has devolved into a race. Stephen and Marc choose the cheaters path and make to the centre first. Inevitable Mark loses! It is quite a let down, mostly because it's not quite tall enough to present a challenge and it's got gaps that aren't supposed to be there, that you can shuffle through.

Now back to the car...on the way Eleanor discovers Mark is ticklish. He keeps his distance, now we must capture and embarrass him. We are at the entrance to the Arboretum that's near Thomas St.

Marc and Eleanor advance pushing Mark back into the Arboretum. Myself and Stephen surreptitiously slip behind a couple of well placed pillars and wait. Eleanor and Marc feign defeat and head towards the street corner. Mark cautiously walks after them. Upon spotting Stephen he steps backwards and straight into bear hug from me! Deer in the headlights :D Eleanor unleashes a relentless barrage leaving him a quivering heap. Then he heads home to have some soup. Can't blame him after all that excitement!

I offer everyone a lift home and we head to Marc's as it's my last chance, probably, to see his bedroom. Everyone else has seen it except me! Also he has food to disperse to the towns peoeple. Get there have a wander round, I spot the copious amount of iron he's got, 140kg! To the kitchen where Stephen shotguns all the pasta. Of course once someone has something it becomes exponentially more appealing.

Eleanor wants some pasta but Stephen's having none of it. So whilst Marc n Stephen nip to the living room to locate a bag for all the pasta Eleanor surreptitiously sneaks a bag into the pocket of her hoody. After a brief scuffle Stephen reclaims the pasta but now there's pasta on the floor, disaster.

Marc then tells us he may not be off on Thursday as the plans have changed yet again! So my minds spooling up thinking of what else we could do whilst this fantastic fellow is still in our midst. The prevailing idea is kareoke, never partaken so no idea why I'm so keen. Also I really can't sing. No sooner am I forming the ideas does Marc receive a text from his bro, Wesley, asking if it's ok to make the move on Wednesday!

Downstairs to play with Marc's ferrets, Izzy and Bella. Bendy little things that love to climb n sniff :D. Izzy is bitey so I steer well clear. I don't really want to go, mostly because I hate goodbyes. So I stick around and chat. Eleanor and Stephen are growing increasingly bored but they are both so well mannered they occupy themselves. Eleanor with a shrink wrapped 4 pack of baked beans, which she was slowly shredding with her nails. And Stephen with poking holes in the dirt between paving stones with his umbrella.

It's during this time I think about setting up my own company and employing the old team. It's a great idea because we all got on so famously! And we had such different skills.

Marc: IT + the ability to fix computers by simply standing near them
Stephen: Also IT + all things videogames
Gerrard: IT Helpdesk + a voice that could make a wolverine purr
Swapnal: Permanently set to smoulder + crafty
Sarah: Illustration + invaluable in a contact situation
Eleanor: Marketing + a laugh that can disarm at 100 paces
James: No nonsense straight talker + Excel god
Mark: Morale + finance (!)
Chris: Putting a glass eye to sleep!

And then we come to me...what is it that I bring to the party? Well I'm pretty good with numbers, but that's kinda boring. But according to Marc and several others I've asked I'm pretty damn good at presenting a thoroughly believable spiel. So I've basically been told that I am a con man!

But the only thing is I haven't got the cash to finance this idea, yet. Also what would we do? Some kind of centralised consultancy...hmmm maybe with another decade of experience under my belt I'll give it a proper go.

Waving bye to Marc as we drive off, drop Elle off at hers. Nearly miss the place as she's too busy singing. Stephen departs on the high street leaving me on my own to go home. Now I kinda like being alone but that's only when I've "had" to spend lots of time with people. This time I was alone, but not by choice. So I'm kinda down. Most of the way home all I can think is that time is fleeting and nothing lasts forever.

Sort of depressing right? Well no, enjoy the hell out of it while it's there! This message was hammered home when turning in to my driveway. I startle a hedgehog, who legs it across the driveway for the nearest shrubbery!

FMCG?

Today was eventful, that is to say there was a big event that kinda filled the day!

I awoke at 04:00, no big deal I hear you cry! As I am known for my early starts are right in line with my character. But here's the peculiar part, I didn't do my kriya yoga in the morning! Not to worry I did both practices in the afternoon as I got home early from work, on account of my early start!

05:00 I'm out the door hurtling towards a dairy farm. This'll be the second dairy I've been to, starting to feel like dairy is slowly working it's way into the very fibre of my being... The drive is uneventful, except for my superb singing along to the radio. My voice has regained it's underlying rumble, that's the only time my singing voice sounds any good.

Anyway I arrive at the farm and there are cows! For those of you who are thinking "it's a dairy of course there are cows!" that's just not true. Dairies process milk, they don't, necessarily, milk or keep cows. I have a few cynical ideas about why there were a few cows but lets see if anyone can figure them out :-P

I drive hither and dither seeking out wherever the milk is being kept. Finally I find a light that's on and approach cautiously as I am a large, bearded, asian man in the middle of the countryside approaching a farmer who currently has his back turned. This sounds, to me at least, like a perfect recipe for getting shot/punched in the face. My fears are unfounded and he beams and asks me if I'm the guy from Lincoln? I'm not from Lincoln but I'm not about to go into the details of where I'm from at 05:45 in the morning.

He wheels out a big trolley filled with 1 litre semi skimmed milk. Give Swapnal a quick call to check volume required and head out! In Lincoln round 06:45, meet up with Swappie and hit the streets. Lincoln needs it's milk and we're gonna be delivering 148 litres of it! Now Steph, the usual delivery driver can bang through 200 litres in 2 hours. So you'd think we could make similar time with a reduced volume right?

Not even close! We dash about here there n everywhere, missing houses having to double/triple back.Sitting in traffic and generally having our knowledge of Steph being a damn good delivery driver reaffirmed.

Now here's what I wasn't expecting, nostalgia. I drove around every area that I had helped letter/canvass. Carlton, Gleed, Wragby, Burton, Riseholme, Doddington I think that's it...but each are holds a memory! Freezing cold hands, getting lost, hours of walking, posting, leap frogging, the complexity of having three people on one side of the road leap frogging! As a result of this oddness parts of Lincoln hold memories of different people!

We complete delivery in a staggering 4.5 hours :-O and head to the office. I make a half hearted effort at trying to kickstart a marketing list, eat lunch and go home at 13:00. Man I'm tired I should probs get some sleep

Up or down

What can I say about this week? It's been a little tough but I'll live :-D so don't summon international rescue just yet. This was the first full week in the "new" office. Started hot, went cold midweek and was back up to searing. Searing is a bit much but it was up to 18 celcius on the drive back home.

Was doing the usual with some intermittent proof reading and swooping over to bust down a door in Lincoln. Sadly I wasn't the one on door busting duty but a nice change of pace all the same. In other news we have a brand new fly swatter. When I spied a my first fly I swiftly reached for for the swatter and scared the fly sooo much that it flew straight out the window! Such is the power of this fly swatter!!!! Shortly afterwards I swatted a fly neatly hefting it , nearly, in twain.

Heft in twain, I honestly don't know where I've picked up that phrase?! Feels as though it should be from something Arthurian. If anyone knows please tell me, I know none of you will.

Mark was on dynamite form with his daily treats, the likes of which the world has never seen before... He also turned to a director and casually asked him "Do you ever drink tea through a straw?" The guy is a one man morale boosting machine! He also takes a mid-afternoon constitutional whilst eating lunch. This coincided with my driving in to Lincoln to bust down a door. He's on the right side of road walking straight towards us. So I give him a friendly pip of the horn as we are heading towards him. The lad turns to look behind him wearing an expression that I can only describe as "what's all this then!"

I also did something I haven't done in a long time. Primarily because I thought I had outgrown the stereotypical actions of men my age. It would appear that I managed the ultimate con and conned myself into believing I had changed!

Moving on from vagueness what do you do when you are down hearted for whatever reason? Talk, drink, eat etc. right? Well I watched copious quantities of stand up comedy and then drove to Nottingham. To see friends? Nope I hacked my way through an overgrown back garden:-D It was quite the epic image the grass was literally waist high!

Now what do you do to get rid of weeds? Sensibly you'd use chemicals or don a pair of sturdy gloves and bust out the shears. I picked up an old golf club and swung away to my hearts content. I think I may start my bokken training up again. Swinging round oak swords for the hell if it, for those not familiar with em :-D

It was a bit strange in the garden while I was raging about the place expelling all my energy. There was a pair of rather boisterous robins landing here, there n everywhere snacking on insects. At first they kept their distance but as the day progressed they got bolder and jumped right on the lawn mower when I was emptying it. I also saw and just had to pick up a rather striking moth:

And a frog entertained me no end by leaping in the way of the lawn mower regardless of the direction I turned it. I eventually pick the little dude up and he proceeds to climb up my arm before deftly leaping in to a nearby bush!

Whilst I'm not 100% back to normal it was kinda like nature turned to me gave me a wink and said it's not all doom and gloom boyo. Look at these cheeky chappies! :D

Ticking over...

This whole thing started off with my posting re-he-heallllly long status updates on FB. Also I was writing 1500-2000 word messages on a regular basis. I only realised the messages were that long after I'd been sending them for several weeks. The whole process had been effortless. Admittedly I was arguing various points with someone who could, kinda :-P, hold their own against me. Also I kinda had a crush on aforementioned someone but that's besides the point. It slowly dawned on me that I enjoy this whole writing malarkey and I should do it on a regular basis.

This is mostly because it's fun, or at least I thought that was the reason why. Now I am a scientist at heart and I think I may have stumbled upon my reason for taking up the pen! Well it's a wireless keyboard that I "write" with but it doesn't quite have the same ring to it that pen does ;-)

I've always marvelled at people who knew exactly what they wanted to do in life. Artists, musicians, actors, comedians etc.are the examples that spring to mind. These folk love what they do and have pursued it. I never really loved doing anything that much that I would go to any length to pursue it. Well I kinda love working out but my body breaks whenever I pursue that with any vigour, so probs not for me.

The whole regardless of how much you work at/do this particular thing you don't get sick of it. I was and am completely mystified by the whole concept. I've never been able to sit and do the same thing day in day out without getting fantastically bored. Doesn't matter what it is, complex or simple, once I've "mastered" it there will come a time when I just want to leave it behind.

Thinking back I do realise that whatever I was doing was specific. That is say that it was limited in a way, boundaries etc. Am I making sense? For example particular mathematical techniques were taught to us in order to solver certain problems. The wider application and underpinning were usually left out, we were taught proofs but these were just routines that we memorised to score easy marks in exams. It never really meant anything to me is what I think I'm getting at. It was all something we did so we could take the next step.

For me the route that was laid out was:

• A levels
• University
• Job
• Marriage
• Kids
• Grandkids
• Death

I had always accepted that this is how life is "supposed" to go. That's just how it is, but then things didn't quite work out like that. Being of Sri Lankan stock I was expected to get into medicine, it's just the thing to do. I was uber lazy and did not do so well in my A levels, so naturally I read Chemical Engineering. For those of you who have had the pleasure of studying this subject you will know it is very well suited to those who lack academic discipline (!) such as myself.

It didn't work out and in I failed the second year in dramatic style. The plan had already started to unravel when I messed up my A levels and now with 2 years of wasted engineering behind me you think I'd get the message that this really isn't the way to go. But noooo I found a degree in accountancy and finance that seemed interesting. I really didn't give it too much thought. I must have still been in mindset that you have to have  a degree in order to progress.

Sort of like when you need a certain number of kills, gems, coins etc before you can unlock the next power up in a game. Been playing a lot of Metal Gear Rising recently and you can upgrade your combat gear with points you collect whilst kicking ass in the game.

Upon completion of my degree I entered a wasteland of odd jobs with intermittent unemployment. Did lots of interesting stuff but couldn't get that job I "had" to have. In late 2012 I got a break and landed my current job. Lotsa shtuff about that here so I won't go on about it, for risk of repeating myself.

By staring at what has been my life up until this point I can see it as a set of accomplishments that is meant to , ultimately, lead to happiness.

Why A levels? To get into Uni
Why Uni? To get a good job
Why a good job? Security + "you got to have a J.O.B. if you want to be with me" :-P
You get the idea right?

Progression leading to...I don't know. Well I do know, death of course! I feel like I got sidetracked, what was I mulling over? Ah yes why I'm incessantly writing! It's a test to destruction. The idea is that if writing is something I love then I shouldn't get sick of it regardless of how much I do. Or that's a rationalisation I've come up with as my logical mind can't quite get a grip on being so fond of something.

Sorry to leave you hanging but I'll come back to it I promise!

Soiree, Sugarcubes and much snappage

Yesterday was our first day in the new office. Windows, filing cabinets and I've even been given my own phone! Heart's still heavy but I'll live ;-)

The evening kicked off with a trip to tecos to gear up on beverages for the evening ahead. Once that was done and dusted the next issue was food. My experience of supermarket hot food counters is lacking, mostly because the first and last time I got anything from one it was extremely dry and completely devoid of flavour. I took the plunge and braved some bbq shtuff, under the expert guidance of Mark Taylor I also procured a Tesco Finest pie.

I've spelt shtuff like that on purpose. I noticed that's how I usually pronounce the word, when I'm being informal. Whilst this is written communication it's playing through my head in my voice so for it to go through your head in something akin to my voice I put shtuff in there.

Upon arrival we efficiently emptied the car and I set to demolishing the bbq and pie. Damn it was good! The bbq that is, the pie was lacked seasoning. Then come the drinking games...

We didn't have cards, schoolboy error! So arrogance it is. I was uncharacteristically unlucky and must've downed a pint by the time David Smith arrived and informed us he is a champion tosser. Marc Birch shows up just after sweating profusely, it's an oddly warm day. David demonstrated his champion tossing skills, Mark doesn't follow and for his naivety he ends up downing several pints.

We move on to Blackjack which is straight forward enough but seems to get old fast. So Texas Hold em it is then. Now anyone who knew me from my time at Notts will know I played a lot of poker, I mean a lot. So I'm think this is gonna be like taking candy from the proverbial. But Mark throws a noob shaped spanner in my works. He literally has no idea what's going on and raises for no apparent reason.

We then realise that several other folk have arrived and we are being ever so antisocial. We scatter to the four winds and meet n greet everyone in sight. I personally remember several names, now I know this is nothing to brag about. But I am terrible with names, faces I remember forever, but names elude me. The only way I've found is to commit both first and last name to memory then I remember them forever. For example I can remember first and second names of everyone I went to primary school with in Grimsby, 15 years ago. Urgh I feel very old right now.

It was just before this I remembered that I am now in possession of a camera and started snapping everything in sight! Near enough 200 pics, most not posed just grabbing the moment :D

Somehow beerpong rears it's notorious head and naturally it's boys vs. girls. It's all a bit hit n miss as none of us are distinctly deft with the ball. Then things get interesting and Mark suddenly displays the focus of a surgeon about to operate on his own brain. What's at stake? A hug n kiss from the hostess herself, Victoria Pateman. The tension builds and Mark casually makes the shot! The crowd rejoices and Mark near enough faints from excitement. I missed the moment but caught the instant before:

As you can see he's quite the showman and has earnt himself the nickname of Little Mark!

It was sometime after this that Mark lost his dinner in the toilet then he insisted he was going to Ritzys and after we refused to let him go he fell asleep on a pew! I should explain that the party was in what was a church and they've kept the pews!

Onwards...after sending Mark off home with James n David. We decided to power walk it to Cubes. Well initially the idea was to attend the Funk n Soul night at the Engjne Shed. I have no idea why we didn't go along. Craig Charles was in attendance!

So myself, Swapnal, Jimbo and Simo head off. Then we stop to retrieve Sam from his car. After some projectile... we get back to Jimbo's where we leave Sam and make our manly way to cubes.

I take a picture of someone we'd just met in front of a cash machine as well. I don't know why :S

Once in the club we hit the floor and I'm having a great time. As you all know I love to dance, I'm by no means any good but I love nothing more :D

There is a young man on the floor who is not dancing. He's got his shirt off and is oddly hairless. Simo is getting evermore irate with him and is trying to procure sponsorship to justify dropping the fool with an elbow to the head. After some gentle discouragement we avoid a scuffle.

Then we meet Mark's housemate Davide! I've only ever seen the dude in FB pics but I recognise him and get a few pics for posterity. I've not been witness to this before but Swapnal is quite the little mosher. So much so that he's near enough wound up everyone within 2 metre radius of us. Ah a crowd who want nothing more than to kick your ass, just like my glory days X-D

We eventually make it out of there and head for a takeaway. Where we bump into James and David! It is a small world after all :P

As we make our weary way back to Eastbourne street Swapnal insists on dropping his burger! This is a sure sign that we have indeed indulged excessively, the dude can handle his drink. As we approach the door a taxi pulls up, it's the other lot that went off to see Craig Charles, fortuitous timing. We sit around eating burgers and talking business I think. My memory is letting me down as I really can't focus on anything else whilst eating. Pretty sure I ended up getting mayo in my beard, never a good look.

I pop to the toilet and I can hear an argument blazing outside about who'll be sleeping in the spare room. I'm really not that fussed so I grab my gear and set up shop on the couch, after sometime turns out the spare room is still spare so I go to bed. Now I'm not sure if I fell asleep n woke up or if I glanced at my watch as I was falling asleep but it's 06:00!

Round 10:00 I get up with the pizza I didn't eat the night before n sit on the couch recounting all the stuff that has been forgotten. As you may have gathered my memory captures events in enormous detail.

Now for something completely different. Thinking about getting a Dragon ball forever scarred into my forearm.
That's them on the right. Now which one do I go for? Lucky numbers come to mind I have some that I'm struggling to remember why I consider them lucky. There is 22 and 8. 8 is something my gramps read starcharts and came up with but the balls only go from 1 to 7! Dilemma or what!