A gathering...

I have three other things I'm writing atm. So there may be a torrent of blog posts that come raining down any minute now! Also the six nations has crept up on me, which is pretty impressive if you consider the combined bulk of the six nations! Little too liberal with my use of marks that denote exclamation? I get excited rather easily I may not show it.

This is one of my accounts of a night out. As is the way it started with a journey to tesco where I purchased what I thought was a very reasonable amount of pizza, 4. I then drove an interesting route to Lincoln. For those of you who like to savour b roads then you are in for a little treat. I went through Ruskington, Dorrington, Digby, Scopwick, Metheringham and Branston. I am of course describing a journey along the B1188 aka Lincoln Road.

I arrive about half an hour early and initially walk into the converted church hall, on Eastbourne Street, in a manner that can only be described as a little reminiscent of a home invasion. I walk out and ring the bell so I'm not mistaken for a tea leaf. Vicky and Andrew appear and are not surprised to see me standing in the door way. I go to grab my stuff from the car and as I am walking in I spot a shady character crossing the street opposite me. It is of course the king of excel and a man who does not mince his words, James Knight.



A bit of a chat and I tuck into a scotch egg. Man I love scotch eggs I ate four of the badboys that night! Andrew tells me about his work night out and I enquire as to whether he's familiar with an Eleanor who works in mental health. He says he's seen her name in the system but the last time I spoke to this particular Eleanor was over a decade ago. I felt rather old after I said that. But we reminisce about  birthday parties.

It's around now that I bust open a beer. I haven't had one since around christmas time and it's AWESOME! And around now Swapnal and Mark make their entrance! They are laden with many bags. As luck would have it Swapnal has also purchased 4 pizzas giving us a grand total of 8. We are expecting a total of six gents so eight pizzas should go down rather easily. Now here comes a surprise!

Swapnal busts out two crates of Guinness, two bottles of Disaronno and two bottles of Captain Morgan's spiced gold. These particular spoils are split between myself and James as way of a parting gift. I am rather speechless as I was not expecting this. Gifts are great and love to give them but when receiving presents I tend to have no idea how to react. My general awkwardness in such social situations may be indicative of an underlying ailment. It is of course giftaphobia, the fear of gifts.

Dan arrives and shortly afterwards he and Vicky set sail for Sheffield. I think they drove...I'm pretty sure no sailing was involved. All I know about Dan is that he plays the double base in a jazz band and his name is Dan! I wonder what kind of finger strength is required to play base in a jazz band. My curiosity stems from a quote from scrubs, JD is running away from Elliott and leaps into the lift. She reaches with one finger and opens the doors. He exclaims “Oh no, she's got a pinky hold. Elliot's got the finger strength of a rock-climbing jazz-pianist.”

There is some generic fuming and Mark reveals more than he intended to. We also realise that he has executed his plan with all the accuracy of blind hippopotamus. Accuracy Mark. And now comes the centurion. This is of course where we down a shot of beer a minute for one hundred minutes. That's only 4.4 pints in an hour and forty minutes. Easy no? In a word no.

We get going and I'm having a whale of time as my two drinking amigos are keeping pace. Around the 38 minute mark Swapnal declares himself out. And around 50 minutes myself and Mark throw in the towel. But the game has had it's desired effect and we are all rather merry. Bubba Sparx rolls round on the playlist and James busts a move to Birchwood Leisure centre.

An actual birch wood!

It is now that I realise I have no form of ID with me! No problem as myself and Swapnal are dead ringers. Not only are we of south asian origin, similar builds, power levels above 9000 etc. We also look and sound alike. We don't but pretty much anyone who has ever met both of us has gotten us mixed up. We stride with purpose to the Co-op to obtain cash. We realise upon arrival that it is shut, not cool Co-op. So we ferociously walk towards town and in our fury we meet Mark's chums. I remember a Chris and an Ash but I was rather inebriated so the rest of their names elude me. Apologies chaps, if we ever meet again feel free to try and spell my name.

It is now that we spot the queue. It can only be described as redonkulous.  We're on the guest list so simples right? Wrong we are pulling a crafty manoeuvre that requires some precise positioning on account of my lack of ID. So we line up single file. As I see this ridiculousness unfolding in front of me it is apparent that this is sure to summon more attention than less. So we reposition into a more conventional queuing formation ready to adopt our single file style at a moments notice. Two of our four man cell are in leaving Mark and myself to wait. Roger arrives and throws perfectly timed distraction. Thus allowing us in with no questions asked.

First order of business is to lose the cloaks, get a drink and drain the lizard. Having completed all those things we go in search of the rest of the group and find them one floor up. I realise something about my particular way of dancing, I need space. Something that is at a premium on a Friday night at Moka. I get over my spacial requirements and enjoy the night. Mark is having a tough time switching of his chatting reflex. He insists on having a chat with everyone within range. As I have mentioned once previously I am somewhat blessed. I think that worked against me on this particular night as I did feel a little like a piece of meat. Suppose we are all little more than pieces of meat!

Session artists, just like Jamiroquai!

The night progresses as per schedule and I am getting all the right signals from all over the place. But I just dont have the motivation to run the game. Then we go in search of the great outdoors again and take a wrong turn. Descending some stairs we turn a corner and try to get past the security. We are turned away as they are not letting people in anymore. So myself and my fellow crafty have made a decision that makes us look ever so uncrafty. We spot Mark, Amanda and Tammy chilling in the smoking zone. I take a picture, hug it out and head on our merry way.

On the way back we remember we have many, many pizzas! We've only consumed two of the 8! The walk back is uneventful but we discuss some matters of great importance. Namely we haven't had any Unicum! Upon arrival back at Swap's pizza is placed in the oven and the discussion continues. It was one of those times when my way with words was down for the count. I'd been awake for around 24 hours at that point and the only answers I could come up with were all cliches. But they were honest cliches. Andrew and his mate arrive from their night out and we distribute the Unicum. It was a mistake. That stuff is truly terrible neat. I've been researching cocktails on how best to get rid of the stuff. Playing with fire is something that you should only do if you're prepared to get burned :-P

And that's the end of the night as I headed to bed and awoke the next day. I headed upstairs grabbed the remenants of the pizza and a box of chicken. I go back to bed and finish reading Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah. Spoilers in case you were planning on reading the book it centres around the idea of living by your own rules. Not a revolutionary idea but there is an interesting extension, to hell with everyone else. Follow my drift? "First do no harm" ringing any bells? The message here is do whatever you want, accept responsibility for any repercussions and that's all he wrote! I will go into more detail if you're too lazy to read the book :-P Another time.

Sweden and the Ukraine - Who are you mystery globe trotting reader? I've had a bunch of hits from these two places. I love that I have people reading these tings from all over the world: America, Germany, France, Australia, England and Nepal to name a small selection. But these two are new :-D

Pic-a-nic

Today was started sombrely, Marc Birch would be leaving Lincoln for the bright lights of Stroud. Where he will be creating pies and forging his place as one the greatest IT dudes of all time.

 So what did I do yesterday? Oh that's right I was given a local authority tender, yay something different :D Why do I get so bored of things so quickly?

It's not cos I'm particularly clever, I feign intelligence very well with my amazing feats of memory. Maybe I have a small attention span. But then again I can work at full throttle for ages when the intensity is right. Just need to find a way to crank up the intensity. How hard can that be?


Anyway back to what this lovely pic is about :-D. Now the gentleman in the white Tshirt is Marc Birch. An absolutely top bloke! So absolute is his topness, that he drew this rag tag bunch together on the day before his departure from Lincoln.

I park the car in front of Swapnal's and get everything out. He can't come out to play as he's off to MK to hang with his parentals before being thoroughly interrogated for the purposes of the potential offer of a final interrogation!

I brought along some suitably flamboyant flowery garden chairs, and a large mat upon which I used to do my suryanamaskars. Mark, being the most masculine example of manhood insisted in carrying all four chairs. We are now in search of Sarah who is sat on a wall near the lion. Of course this takes us up an incline which leaves Mark huffing and puffing. The guy is all about power he doesn't really do endurance.

So when we arrive Sarah is drawing! I know...totally out of character for Sarah Fisher, freelance illustrator, to be sketching trees whilst in the arboretum. Anyways I start setting up the whole ting and she deftly dismounts the wall. From the results of the 54 photos I took, not a fan of being the central focus of any pic.

After sometime we sight the man of the hour, Marc Thomas Birch. He's got a massive black bag with him. As he approaches I can hear a jangling! Turns out he's brought along proper cutlery! Some more chatting and Eleanor deftly sneaks up behind Mark. Leading to this image:

A proper romantic reunion moment. For all their enraged rowing those two have something rather special ;-) Anyway they launch into a hashtag battle that leaves me almost falling off my stool!

Now I gave up my chair when Elle arrived, partly because I am a chivalrous old world knight and partly because I have a bad back that gets better when I sit without support. Being the genius I am I positioned the three legged fold out stool on an incline. Ao when I face the group I have to lean forwards or run the risk of rolling down the hill. I now wish I had rolled down the hill!

Stephen and Gerrard arrive at the same time, Stephen is carrying a lovely brolly :D. He also goes straight for the herby sausage...

Scotch eggs, 2 types of small sausage, sandwiches, salad, millionaires shortbread, flapjacks, french dressing, mayo and ketchup. Twas a rather nice picnic that attracted several dogs! Sarah exits early on account of having previous plans. Such are the perils of short notice picnics!

The weather is peculiar, warm but cloudy. Too warm to wear and extra layer for any prolonged period but not warm enough to relax in a single layer for too long. Ah beautiful British summer time!

Eleanor and Mark head off into the undergrowth in search of a toilet! Not for anything unsavoury I might add, well at least I don't think that's what they were up to... Myself, Marc, Stephen and Gerrard pack up the gear and head back to the car to stow it. So we can wander about some more unburdened by picnic bric-a-brac. On the way there I spy Vicky, Swapnal's housemate, hanging out outside their front door. Friendly waves and surprised looks are exchanged :D

The cafe, which has toilets is closed. So when Mark and Eleanor arrive they're all squirmy n what not. I step up and knock on the door and awkwardly ask Vicky if these lovely folk can use the facilities. She kindly hustles Scott out the shower and lets us in. We wander up to the lounge and Mark insists I take a pic of him back on his pew. He snapchats Swapnal, who is confused and fuming as a result.

It was around this time that my camera started freezing up. I'd only taken 53 pics and then I remembered that I'd taken 200 a couple of weeks ago and not charged it up X-O.

We stare at the awesomeness of the upstairs lounge kitchen area and I point out the guitar. "Oh yeah I do play guitar" You crafty bastard :-P I could have quite happily stayed in the lounge/kitchen but it was a bit odd to hang about in a house where the only tenant you know is out and the other one you kinda know is heading out imminently.

So to the maze! Hit by a smell I love, it's kinda pine-ish wood chips. Elle hates this smell, so if you ever want to keep her away you now know what to deploy. Now the only reason you'd keep her away is if you were, for example, prepping a surprise party for her or if you were working with a creature that was equal parts hilarious and skittish...

Upon arriving at the maze we choose the wrong entrance. And now it has devolved into a race. Stephen and Marc choose the cheaters path and make to the centre first. Inevitable Mark loses! It is quite a let down, mostly because it's not quite tall enough to present a challenge and it's got gaps that aren't supposed to be there, that you can shuffle through.

Now back to the car...on the way Eleanor discovers Mark is ticklish. He keeps his distance, now we must capture and embarrass him. We are at the entrance to the Arboretum that's near Thomas St.

Marc and Eleanor advance pushing Mark back into the Arboretum. Myself and Stephen surreptitiously slip behind a couple of well placed pillars and wait. Eleanor and Marc feign defeat and head towards the street corner. Mark cautiously walks after them. Upon spotting Stephen he steps backwards and straight into bear hug from me! Deer in the headlights :D Eleanor unleashes a relentless barrage leaving him a quivering heap. Then he heads home to have some soup. Can't blame him after all that excitement!

I offer everyone a lift home and we head to Marc's as it's my last chance, probably, to see his bedroom. Everyone else has seen it except me! Also he has food to disperse to the towns peoeple. Get there have a wander round, I spot the copious amount of iron he's got, 140kg! To the kitchen where Stephen shotguns all the pasta. Of course once someone has something it becomes exponentially more appealing.

Eleanor wants some pasta but Stephen's having none of it. So whilst Marc n Stephen nip to the living room to locate a bag for all the pasta Eleanor surreptitiously sneaks a bag into the pocket of her hoody. After a brief scuffle Stephen reclaims the pasta but now there's pasta on the floor, disaster.

Marc then tells us he may not be off on Thursday as the plans have changed yet again! So my minds spooling up thinking of what else we could do whilst this fantastic fellow is still in our midst. The prevailing idea is kareoke, never partaken so no idea why I'm so keen. Also I really can't sing. No sooner am I forming the ideas does Marc receive a text from his bro, Wesley, asking if it's ok to make the move on Wednesday!

Downstairs to play with Marc's ferrets, Izzy and Bella. Bendy little things that love to climb n sniff :D. Izzy is bitey so I steer well clear. I don't really want to go, mostly because I hate goodbyes. So I stick around and chat. Eleanor and Stephen are growing increasingly bored but they are both so well mannered they occupy themselves. Eleanor with a shrink wrapped 4 pack of baked beans, which she was slowly shredding with her nails. And Stephen with poking holes in the dirt between paving stones with his umbrella.

It's during this time I think about setting up my own company and employing the old team. It's a great idea because we all got on so famously! And we had such different skills.

Marc: IT + the ability to fix computers by simply standing near them
Stephen: Also IT + all things videogames
Gerrard: IT Helpdesk + a voice that could make a wolverine purr
Swapnal: Permanently set to smoulder + crafty
Sarah: Illustration + invaluable in a contact situation
Eleanor: Marketing + a laugh that can disarm at 100 paces
James: No nonsense straight talker + Excel god
Mark: Morale + finance (!)
Chris: Putting a glass eye to sleep!

And then we come to me...what is it that I bring to the party? Well I'm pretty good with numbers, but that's kinda boring. But according to Marc and several others I've asked I'm pretty damn good at presenting a thoroughly believable spiel. So I've basically been told that I am a con man!

But the only thing is I haven't got the cash to finance this idea, yet. Also what would we do? Some kind of centralised consultancy...hmmm maybe with another decade of experience under my belt I'll give it a proper go.

Waving bye to Marc as we drive off, drop Elle off at hers. Nearly miss the place as she's too busy singing. Stephen departs on the high street leaving me on my own to go home. Now I kinda like being alone but that's only when I've "had" to spend lots of time with people. This time I was alone, but not by choice. So I'm kinda down. Most of the way home all I can think is that time is fleeting and nothing lasts forever.

Sort of depressing right? Well no, enjoy the hell out of it while it's there! This message was hammered home when turning in to my driveway. I startle a hedgehog, who legs it across the driveway for the nearest shrubbery!