This is one of my accounts of a night out. As is the way it started with a journey to tesco where I purchased what I thought was a very reasonable amount of pizza, 4. I then drove an interesting route to Lincoln. For those of you who like to savour b roads then you are in for a little treat. I went through Ruskington, Dorrington, Digby, Scopwick, Metheringham and Branston. I am of course describing a journey along the B1188 aka Lincoln Road.
I arrive about half an hour early and initially walk into the converted church hall, on Eastbourne Street, in a manner that can only be described as a little reminiscent of a home invasion. I walk out and ring the bell so I'm not mistaken for a tea leaf. Vicky and Andrew appear and are not surprised to see me standing in the door way. I go to grab my stuff from the car and as I am walking in I spot a shady character crossing the street opposite me. It is of course the king of excel and a man who does not mince his words, James Knight.
A bit of a chat and I tuck into a scotch egg. Man I love scotch eggs I ate four of the badboys that night! Andrew tells me about his work night out and I enquire as to whether he's familiar with an Eleanor who works in mental health. He says he's seen her name in the system but the last time I spoke to this particular Eleanor was over a decade ago. I felt rather old after I said that. But we reminisce about birthday parties.
It's around now that I bust open a beer. I haven't had one since around christmas time and it's AWESOME! And around now Swapnal and Mark make their entrance! They are laden with many bags. As luck would have it Swapnal has also purchased 4 pizzas giving us a grand total of 8. We are expecting a total of six gents so eight pizzas should go down rather easily. Now here comes a surprise!
Swapnal busts out two crates of Guinness, two bottles of Disaronno and two bottles of Captain Morgan's spiced gold. These particular spoils are split between myself and James as way of a parting gift. I am rather speechless as I was not expecting this. Gifts are great and love to give them but when receiving presents I tend to have no idea how to react. My general awkwardness in such social situations may be indicative of an underlying ailment. It is of course giftaphobia, the fear of gifts.
Dan arrives and shortly afterwards he and Vicky set sail for Sheffield. I think they drove...I'm pretty sure no sailing was involved. All I know about Dan is that he plays the double base in a jazz band and his name is Dan! I wonder what kind of finger strength is required to play base in a jazz band. My curiosity stems from a quote from scrubs, JD is running away from Elliott and leaps into the lift. She reaches with one finger and opens the doors. He exclaims “Oh no, she's got a pinky hold. Elliot's got the finger strength of a rock-climbing jazz-pianist.”
There is some generic fuming and Mark reveals more than he intended to. We also realise that he has executed his plan with all the accuracy of blind hippopotamus. Accuracy Mark. And now comes the centurion. This is of course where we down a shot of beer a minute for one hundred minutes. That's only 4.4 pints in an hour and forty minutes. Easy no? In a word no.
We get going and I'm having a whale of time as my two drinking amigos are keeping pace. Around the 38 minute mark Swapnal declares himself out. And around 50 minutes myself and Mark throw in the towel. But the game has had it's desired effect and we are all rather merry. Bubba Sparx rolls round on the playlist and James busts a move to Birchwood Leisure centre.
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| An actual birch wood! |
It is now that we spot the queue. It can only be described as redonkulous. We're on the guest list so simples right? Wrong we are pulling a crafty manoeuvre that requires some precise positioning on account of my lack of ID. So we line up single file. As I see this ridiculousness unfolding in front of me it is apparent that this is sure to summon more attention than less. So we reposition into a more conventional queuing formation ready to adopt our single file style at a moments notice. Two of our four man cell are in leaving Mark and myself to wait. Roger arrives and throws perfectly timed distraction. Thus allowing us in with no questions asked.
First order of business is to lose the cloaks, get a drink and drain the lizard. Having completed all those things we go in search of the rest of the group and find them one floor up. I realise something about my particular way of dancing, I need space. Something that is at a premium on a Friday night at Moka. I get over my spacial requirements and enjoy the night. Mark is having a tough time switching of his chatting reflex. He insists on having a chat with everyone within range. As I have mentioned once previously I am somewhat blessed. I think that worked against me on this particular night as I did feel a little like a piece of meat. Suppose we are all little more than pieces of meat!
Session artists, just like Jamiroquai!
The night progresses as per schedule and I am getting all the right signals from all over the place. But I just dont have the motivation to run the game. Then we go in search of the great outdoors again and take a wrong turn. Descending some stairs we turn a corner and try to get past the security. We are turned away as they are not letting people in anymore. So myself and my fellow crafty have made a decision that makes us look ever so uncrafty. We spot Mark, Amanda and Tammy chilling in the smoking zone. I take a picture, hug it out and head on our merry way.
On the way back we remember we have many, many pizzas! We've only consumed two of the 8! The walk back is uneventful but we discuss some matters of great importance. Namely we haven't had any Unicum! Upon arrival back at Swap's pizza is placed in the oven and the discussion continues. It was one of those times when my way with words was down for the count. I'd been awake for around 24 hours at that point and the only answers I could come up with were all cliches. But they were honest cliches. Andrew and his mate arrive from their night out and we distribute the Unicum. It was a mistake. That stuff is truly terrible neat. I've been researching cocktails on how best to get rid of the stuff. Playing with fire is something that you should only do if you're prepared to get burned :-P
And that's the end of the night as I headed to bed and awoke the next day. I headed upstairs grabbed the remenants of the pizza and a box of chicken. I go back to bed and finish reading Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah. Spoilers in case you were planning on reading the book it centres around the idea of living by your own rules. Not a revolutionary idea but there is an interesting extension, to hell with everyone else. Follow my drift? "First do no harm" ringing any bells? The message here is do whatever you want, accept responsibility for any repercussions and that's all he wrote! I will go into more detail if you're too lazy to read the book :-P Another time.
Sweden and the Ukraine - Who are you mystery globe trotting reader? I've had a bunch of hits from these two places. I love that I have people reading these tings from all over the world: America, Germany, France, Australia, England and Nepal to name a small selection. But these two are new :-D
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