Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention please?

I've had my carelessness highlighted this week. My online carelessness lead to a situation that should never have happened. If you don't use an email address, profile etc. then shut it down. Don't leave it out there waiting to be misused. I didn't believe it when I first heard what had happened but then I saw it and was more or less in tears for the whole night. This was completely preventable but because I was careless it happened.

A: I've got a date. Ben. Divorcee. Very good looking. Nice arse. Which is a first for me.
B: Never had a nice one?
A: No, and I know that because I've seen them on the telly. You? Had one?
B: There was one woman, Janine. And I don't know if it was nice, but it was... huge. There was this tremendous sense of value.

Does anyone get that reference? It is of course from the irreplaceable Dylan Moran in Black Books. I've been rewatching it as I watched it at a rather fast pace the first time around and don't think I fully appreciated everything in it! It may also be that the laid backed ambience of the whole thing makes oh so relaxed that I lose consciousness. Or maybe it's because I watch it just before I go to bed.

So the job search is on! And I'm quite surprised at the number of vacancies knocking around! Admittedly there are quite a few that require specific experience but it all looks promising. Leads me to the whole IMF forecast that my old man mentioned to me. I am terrible at keeping abreast of current events, hehe breast! But the dadmeister will drop little bits of info to try and lure out my mind from it's long slumber. The favourable forecast for the UK has managed it.

I steer clear, mostly, because it's all smoke and mirrors. As no one is in power long enough or is willing to be drastic enough, real change does not occur. And the economy has become so unwieldy that despite the claims that this was intentional, I remain dubious.



Boil that down and it comes out something along the lines of a business wants to extract maximum value for minimal expenditure. If you can get 10 units of work from an employee and 10 units is all you need to satisfy all your customers then why would you hire another employee? Demand dictates hiring and firing. I think this is economics, I am ever so tempted to crack out an old textbook!

But this is the internet so here's a handy link that goes over demand rather well! This is by no means an attempt to educate anyone about anything. I'll cease this line of thought soon as it borders too close to being grown up. One last thing are we all savvy with the idea of a self fulfilling prophecy? A massive confidence trick...crafty!

Moving onto some good luck I've had. Comes in the form of some success on the job hunting front. I haven't successfully snagged a job yet. But I have made it past two of three hurdles. Initial application and telephone interview. I was expecting fall at both but I'm still on track but I'm keeping my attitude of no expectation up. It'll be good practice for getting back into the swing of things. Or I'll end up with a job at a top company doing something that'll be rather interesting! Win, win, win, win win! Too much win?

And my physio appointment rolled around again. I've been having a little grief with this back of mine. Pain higher up and general jolts coming in at inopportune moments. Turns out I haven't been bending enough! I thought this whole time that I was supposed to keep the ruddy thing bolt upright. I have had a glass of wine at this point so the time may change. Don't think I've ever done any of this whilst under the influence. I feel rather sleepy...

It has however made the words flow out and I'm currently typing with my eyes closed! Did you know I can type around 40 words per minute with my left hand alone? With the addition of righty the rate shoots up to 60 words per minute. Yep old righty doesn't really carry his weight when it comes to typing. I also used to brush my teeth with my left hand...I'm right handed.

Mmm not a fan of boasting but I've written that bit now so I'm gonna leave it there as a bleak reminder of how I get when I've had a bit. I've also discovered something that enrages me no end! It is stories written around youtube videos. The video tells enough of the story to be shared on social media by itself. But riding on the coat tails of the vid is some bs story! I think my rage comes from all the crap that loads up around the video on those pages. RAGE!

On second thought I don't really mind it that much. If you're inspired buy something it makes sense to include that in some way. Clickbait...maybe. I do love to argue with myself. I suppose it's better to be in uncomfortable confusion than in the comfort of wrong conclusion. Doubt...

Has anyone else noticed this awesomeness? In the bad old days you'd have many tabs open and without warning one of them will start making noises. You'd have to flick through them frantically trying locate the source of the unholy jibber jabber. Google have been listening and in 2014 have addressed this issue of enormous importance. What a difference a little speaker symbol makes!!!

Merlin

Yep I spotted one of these dudes in the garden. I'm pretty sure it was one of these fellas, amateur ornithologist I ain't. Grab your binoculars come follow me. Nope no one? Just me then :-D Merlin was tearing into a pigeon of some description. I'd spotted him a few months ago, chilling in one of our massive trees. Naturally I just have to take a pic so I rush downstairs camera in hand to lean out of a window. My fumbling with the latch on the window causes Merlin to fly away with his kill clutched close in his talons.



If that vid has worked you should have been able to see some sparrows having a whale of a time. The big black bird is a blackbird. They nest somewhere in our garden and we see their progeny larking about. Before we identified them as immature blackbirds my brother and I dubbed them weird birds. As they act ever so peculiar. They are bouncy, fly and perch on odd things and are generally behave in a manner that can only be described as queer. Now that we know they are new to the world it's obvious that they are like toddlers/small children. Strange but a joy to behold, for a while...until they start to cry at least. I never know what to do with a crying baby so I just gingerly hand it back to the parents.

Books! I've begun to finish those books that left hanging. Pigeonwings, The Goal, The Gigantic Beard That Was Evil, The Memory Palace and Cold Reading! But I have started reading Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah and V for Vendetta :-D FYI the links go to the books on amazon in case you wanted to treat yourself. All well worth a read. If you're gonna read Pigeon Wings you should probs read Clovenhoof first as the former is the sequel to the latter. I'm also the proud owner of a Guy Fawkes mask! Came with my copy of V for Vendetta, I can now run around London blaring out the 1812 overture and no one will bat an eyelid.


Murmuration from Islands & Rivers on Vimeo.

Where I first saw this vid.

Transient Big balls...

Does the size of the ball dictate it's potency?

Density surely plays a part as well.

Ball density...



DBZ yall if you haven't seen it then you missed out! This being the interweb if you look it's bound to be sitting there waiting to be watched :-D. My preoccupation with balls is because I now have three balls. Is that too many? Some people would say one is too many. I did think two was enough but now that I have three I reckon I've found my optimum number of balls.

Now for something completely different! It would appear it is time for me to move on. Not set in stone, I think I overuse that phrase! Do I? It would have been much harder to move on from my current state had I not been torn from it for three months. That was of course the time I spent in hospital + the time I was recuperating at home. Having returned to "normal" the decision is made that my routine shall be disrupted.I am used to this though I am usually the one who moves on. From school, uni, work etc. I've been the first to disappear into the ether.

Now in hindsight I was in something of a rut since around June 2013. Stagnation, it's the worst kind of nation. I need something that sets my soul on fire. Seeing as my body is in no fit state, my mind'll have to do. Urgh using the noodle is something I only resort to when all else has failed. All else has failed as my main pivot point is compromised. Maybe not...if I use my mind I should be able to come up with a way to utilise my body bypassing my spine. Yep I am proposing a spinal bypass. Sounds oh so fancy and what not right? Well it would be nothing more than a massive leather belt.

Never worn one of these bad boys, probs why my back is so messed up.

But that'll be once it's all healed and sealed etc. Got distracted for a 3 minutes and 47 seconds, Pass Out rolled round on my pumped playlist. Did I mention I love to dance? Maybe once or twice. If you're wondering who the first nutter on a dance floor at a wedding is, look no further! So how best to use this mass of neurons? I'm a scientist at heart at least that's what came easiest. Numbers, nature, patterns etc. And I find that stuff fascinating but it wouldn't get me out of bed in the morning or keep me up late at night.

The only thing that got me up early is training and the only thing that kept me up late at night is watching stuff on the internet and the obvious of course. So I should be some kind of PT/tv critic? Might as well want to be a rockstar/racing driver/genius. Being one out of three isn't so bad I suppose. Anyone else been considering something when hints present themselves? I'm at my what do I do next point in life and in comes a quote from a mystic. Big old beard, flies around the world, cheated creation and he loves to dance :-D, my kinda mystic.

"Do not do what you like-do what the world needs. Doing what you like is not freedom. 

Likes and dislikes are compulsive. "

Anyone believe in serendipity? The day I find out I'll be moving on I am emailed a job spec for some work that would help be pursue something that I have been considering pursuing. Vague I know but if I get specific we'd be here all day, not the most concise fellow in the world. So this appears to be pointing in the direction I should go. The job lends itself to my strengths but it's the location that makes it so appealing. Then I got another job ad for a job that'd give me a step into a career that my degree centred around, accountancy. And the office is described as boisterous! Best bit of my last job was the boisterous office! Oh and it's not just regular financial stuff it'd be management!

So I got myself into an enormous pickle about what I should do next. Then I did some physio work and rolled around on the floor laughing once I realised how ridiculous I was being. Too afraid to take the next step in case it's the wrong one. I mean really am I going to um and ah until both opportunities pass me by? Nope! I'm gonna jump in, at least that's the plan.

One of many fictional heroes I hope I grow up to be like :-D So I'm going to be rolling the dice and trying whatever I end up with. If it works, fantastic! If not move on! Bernie Mac, get my reference? If you do then you know the drill. Nuptials here we come. My frequent threats/offers of marriage may mislead you to think that that's what I'm looking for. I'd have you believe that it's not but the truth of the matter is that I honestly don't know :-S Big old I don't know or IDK if you will atm.

My final Friday treat!

Forgot that SDRG gave me the shirt on the Saturday we said farewell to her! The tale of the hat is one of the more lengthy anecdotes that add up to the fabric of my rich and colourful life! I was rooting through my bag to make space when I came across it and there it is! and there was an extra surprise I wasn't expecting. That is of course the awesomeness that's on the back!

Emblazoned, discretely, across the back!

I was going to leave it at that but then I received a phone call at 16:00 yesterday. I was thinking who the devil is this at 16:00 on a Tuesday! It is of course one of my oldest friends in the world Aathiththan, yep his name is harder to spell than my own! He asks me whereabouts I work and my response includes location as well as the fact that I no longer work there. Expressing his guttedness he asks me whether I'd be up for meeting up as he and his girlfriend are driving up the A1 atm. My answer...hell yes! Well it came out sure, need to work on effectively expelling my enthusiasm.

He asks me where? Well I'm thinking Grantham as it's not so far off the A1 so they wouldn't have to make a massive detour. Now here's a question I didn't think I'd ever hear "what's good in Grantham?" I've been six places in Grantham: Asda, the train station, Morrisons, the DVLA test centre, Meres leisure centre and the Farrier. Doesn't really give me much to go on when asked where we could meet up for some food. So I leave it down to him and his phone. They are about 40 mins from Grantham so I get ready sharpish and head out the door, takes me about 25 mins from Sleaford.

As I drive I realise we haven't set up any kind of rendezvous so I go to my nearest familiar landmark, Asda. It is then that I receive a call letting me know that they are near the Guildhall and they've found somewhere called Gurkha's Square. I have no idea where that is so I park at the top of the high street and hoof it the rest of the way. Turns out it's a fair old trek from point to point. But on arrival I am warmly received by the Aathiththan and Ro. The first Ro I've ever met!

Have a bit of chat about the state of my nerves, damaged. Their time in Africa, India and London. Interviews, dissection, learning methods, Manchester, my broski, marriage, jobs, redundancy, who I worked for, our history, the future, bungee jumping, being thrown like a ball, boerboels and so much more. Lovely couple and time flies by. Oh the Gurkha's square has a cracking table buffet. £10 for a massive starter and several main courses all brought to your table! Only thing was that they got filled up by the starter and it was a little early for me, usually eat around 19:00 and it was only 18:00.

 

Something my dear brother sent me.

Farewell SDRG!

Yes you do have a codename and it was born out of convenience. I was referring to you as the roller girl who draws in secret so often that I decided SDRG was a handier :-)

When I heard the news you were moving away I initially got all panicky! Mostly because, in my mind, you were moving away imminently. From announcement to final move there will be about six weeks, so panic for no reason. In all honesty is there ever a good reason to panic? I mean does it really help the situation at all. Best to remain cool, calm, just like my mom, with a couple of Valium inside her palm. If anyone get's that reference I shall do a little victory dance. One that doesn't involve moving my feet, kinda lacking power in the calves and stability in my lower spine atm.

After burning my panic with some modified chest exercises I look towards what do I do now? Well try and think of a kick ass leaving gift of course. What do I know about SDRG? Well she's a rollergirl, illustrator, practical, loves sleep, wears odd socks, wicked core strength...not really steering me in the direction of a gift of any description right?

So I look through drawings and I find this:

Now that's something I can work with! I hack slash and finally find what I'm looking for...a hat! It's gonna have to be a custom hat featuring the 2013 logo of SDRG AKA Fish. I'm still in a bit of a panic so I push the order through at ridiculous speed. The lovely people at www.clothes2order.com were awesome! When the application wasn't working on the hat I'd picked the called to ask about a swap over. And it arrived a couple of days after I ordered it, speedy!

I may have fathomed why the only thing I could think of was a hat. I'd decided that all in attendance would have to wear hats at my birthday do round Swaps house which was happening the same week I heard the news.

I know you're itching to see the finished product but I've got more of the story to tell. The hat's good but it wouldn't be epic enough. What to do???? Of course get our old windowless office fam to model the hat thus showing their support for SDRG. I forgot to do this on several occasions and remembered towards the end of a birthday party round Swaps. Just my luck after taking two more pics my camera runs out of juice!

Oh I'd had another brainwave LBRG or Lincolnshire Bombers Roller girls. If they were involved somehow this would be all the more awesome. I mean what wouldn't get more awesome if you threw some rollergirls into the mix? So I sent a tentative message to the Bombers FB page. A reply shot back full of enthusiasm! Last practice before Christmas :-D I knew it was at Yarborough Leisure Centre and it was on Sunday the 15th. I had neglected to ask what time it would be at so I sneakily sent the centre a message asking and they kindly provided the info, 10:00 - 14:00. Four hour practice on a Sunday, now that's hardcore!

My choice of footwear. Why this was a bad choice will become apparent soon enough.

Having surreptitiously acquired the info that she would be attending her nans birthday that week I thought I'd got access to a practice that would be Fish free thus keeping the surprise in tact :-D But that wasn't the case! She was back and this made me think that I'd get some pics with the squad and then give her the hat! Thought my best bet was to get there early so as not to get in the way of practice. As I roll up I spot Mizza Murica in the car park. I know most of the squad by their skating names just a bit of a fan...

Get all my gear together, psyche myself up, pick up my walking stick and stride into the leisure centre with a sense of purpose. After several seconds of staring around aimlessly I realise I have no idea where to go, the nice lady at reception gave me great directions :-D I briefly lose my bottle and regroup in the gents, assuming I'd be safe from the roller girls in the gents. I realise how ridiculous I'm being and step back into the hall. I proceed to awkwardly introduce myself. If there's one thing I know how to be it's awkward!

Breaking up my block text with a little Jerome Jarre :-D So I open with "Hello not sure if I'm in the right place but I've got a hat" To which Carolyn replies "You must be Ron." They know who I am! Lil sets my up with a little space down the corridor and round a corner so as to hide me from direct view. She then sends LBRG members down in a steady flow as they arrive for practice. I'm a little blown away by how well this is going :-D I'm informed Fish has arrived so I pack up my gear prepare to dash down the corridor past a large opening to the sports hall.

Anyone see a problem with my escape vector? There is a large opening through which I could be spotted :-S But that's not my biggest problem. I'm dressed in a sky blue shirt, jeans and a long dark overcoat. Pretty much the perfect outfit for sneaking if you're in a crowd. But not if you're in an empty corridor adjacent to a sports hall! Coupled with my bright orange shoes and slow gait I must have been quite the sight. In all the excitement I'd not explained to all of LBRG that it was supposed to be a surprise. This coupled with my loud exit makes me thing she must know what's going on!

From an awesome company in Manchester Clothes2Order :-D

So I still have to get the hat to SDRG somehow. A send off of some sort would set the scene perfectly for such a transaction to take place. I rally our old office and come up with Saturday the 21st as MT Birch would be kicking about in the vicinity and would be able to swing on by! But it looks like the day isn't good for anyone else :-( I reschedule for sometime early Jan but the message doesn't reach MT Birch till the night before when he tells us he'll be in Lincoln midday. I am uber gutted :-(

He's only in Derby so a enquire if he'd be up for a visit on the 23rd or 24th. He says sure and I bez my way to Derby early on Monday morning. Only took my about an hour! And we chilled round his house for a bit where he tells me I remind him of Greg House. Medical genius? Nay I'm wearing jeans, trainers, bearded, sporting a long coat coupled with a cane. Ok I'll admit I was unintentionally emanating a strong house vibe. Heading off to grab some coffee I realise just how rainy a day I've picked to frequent this bit of the world. I get a gingerbread latte and immediately regret getting cream. I have a tash so most drinks seep into it.

As you can see not a tash friendly beverage. Discussions included core workouts, joint hypermobility, hemp conspiracies, bowel movements, gamification, chicken nuggets, psychopaths and moisturisers. Mark pointed also let me in on his reasoning behind why he thinks SDRG is the most likely to be a psycho from our windowless office. When he asked me who I thought it was I could only come up with me :-S No remorse plus fearless dominance?

This conversation cropped up in Mcdonalds. The car park was rammed so some geniuses had resorted to parking willy nilly making it impossible to get out of the spaces! After some fruitless reversing a no nonsense woman takes charge of the situation and tells me to lock the wheels before I start moving. Doing so frequently would scrub the tyres but in this instance it was the only way to get out. It ended up being a 20 point turn! Back at Marc's house he gives me Swapnal's bday present and some Christmas cards for the office! It is now that I remember that I've got the hat in the car! I get a shot of him, hug it out and get back home in time for tea.

And that's the end of the hat story. Well not quite as it hasn't made it's way to it's intended recipient. The plan was to meet up the first weekend after new years. So I send out a smoke signal and what comes back is that it'll be an intimate meal for four. Not to be sniffed at as the four are Crafty Patel, Tin tin Taylor, SDRG and me! Ribs n Bibs here comes four folk who worked in the same office for about six months, seven months ago! Three of them still work in an office together, it has windows but no running water. Swings and roundabouts.

Meeting up at spoons beforehand it comes to light that only half the expected turnout has turned out. Mark is having a starter with Amandas in another wetherspoons. Makes total sense. I inform SDRG and she tells me she's currently dismantling a bed, i know awesome right?! Me and my fellow craftsman discuss various gym tings, valentines day, butlins, fm transmitters, engines and vegas.

Now it's time to make the 4 minute walk to Ribs n Bibs, at least that's what google would have you believe. We see Mark on the way and stride up the hill. It is now that I realise I had underestimated the steepness of the hill. Rather winded by the time we make it to the second front door. Waiting around for Fish and less than a minute later she emerges from the gloom with a package for yours truly. No explanation to the other two in attendance. It was of course something rare, a t shirt featuring zebras.

Did you spot Ironman?

The booking was for 5 so we end up with an oversized table. The racial tension is immediately apparent as team crafty and team northern occupy opposite sides of the table. Swapnal orders a root beer float, a decision he immediately regrets as it tastes like tiger balm. Everyone else, myself included, heard tiger bomb. It's like a jager bomb but made with real bits of tiger, 60% of the time...it works every time. Our starters arrive and Swapnal is too quick off the mark and inhales the vaporised vinegar fumes coming off his buffalo wings. Buffalo sauce - vinegar based cayenne pepper hot sauce. A situation I find wholly hilarious. Around now I noticed that my sleeves were far too long. My one shirt that requires cufflinks and I always forget that it requires cufflinks. I look like an Elizabethan dandy...

Starters down and the mains arrive in force. But before that Mark notices that gravy was misspelt he points this out to his favourite waitress, Chloe. Yep he remembers her name from when we first frequented the restaurant back in April. There is a video as well! She shows up with a sponge and corrects the spelling. It appears as though the bread is no where near big enough to accommodate the contents: two burgers, pulled pork and coleslaw. A jolly wrestle into my mouth results in sauce all over my hands face and a little on my shirt :-/. Mark also secures a second helping of coleslaw as he is renowned for his enormous appetite and speed of consumption. He also announces that he has a firm idea of his wedding playlist and his dress is going to be backless.

Anyone who has seen him on a night out knows his compulsion to start conversations with anyone. Sarah describes this as him forcing himself on people in social situations. I take this a step further and give him the title of social rapist. It's even in the urban dictionary! 

social rape

(n., v.t.,) When someone approaches you and initializes conversation without your consent, regardless of what you're doing, who else you're talking to, or if you respond. 

The cheque arrives and I decide to hand over the hat that I've been ferrying hither and dither for just over a month. Expertly wrapped in the packaging it came in. After a brief inspection Sarah comments that the printing has been done rather well. I smile and nod stuff printed on fabric, not my wheel house. I then enquire as to whether she saw me creeping away after taking pics of the squad in the hat. She didn't!

We walk about 20 yards and end up in the Strait and Narrow. After five seconds Mark is talking to two old boys who are propping up the bar. The social rapist strikes again! Upon sitting down the racial tension disintegrates as team crafty and team northern are shuffled. I ask about what kind of core training skaters do. Turns out it's pretty much what I do with the addition of crunches. My quest for an uber core continues. I then ask whether it'd be cool for us to visit sometime after Sarah moves. We come to the conclusion that Mark will drive everyone up once he passes his test.

We declare that we'll be bringing a new pet for the Fisher family and it comes to light that SDRG's sister had a garter snake. I chip in with how you can freeze a garter snake and thaw it out with no damage to the snake. I begin to doubt myself as one of the first things I ever told Sarah was that most dalmatians are deaf. Not true. Apparently I'm rather believable, say something with enough conviction and people will believe you. Turns out the garter snake thing is true!

I get all giddy as I remember I'd watched the WFTDA finals. Problem is I watched so much so fast that I'm not really able to discuss it in any detail. Always on edge to hear more about roller derby and SDRG gives me some homework. Watching last years final! :-D She goes on to tell me that she used to put on bouts and fall asleep to them. I did the exact same thing! But with Scrubs. Fall asleep with my scrubs collection playing in the background. Intermittently wake up to hear EAGLE!

This is where the story ends! We all went home.

I had meant to ask her about the last Harry Potter film. I didn't really understand how Harry stayed alive :-S

So that's the story behind the hat!