More Quotes!

 I know this has been done before but there are so many quotes that it's kinda inevitable that I'd end up doing another one all about em.

If something really grinds your gears then feel free to write it on a postcard and send it to Santa :P

What really grinds my gears is having to trawl through masses of text in order to dig out the handful of truth nuggets that are buried within. This extends to lectures, speeches even some films! Just give me the bullet points and allow me to obsess over them in my own time. I'm a massive fan of boiling things down to their bare bones and presenting that. Apparently that's one of the reasons I have my current job. Had to give a presentation as part of the interview, I had zero time to prep so didn't over think it. Oh and that's how Steve Jobs did it and he invented the apple, respect!

Now anyone who's read any of my posts will now be in a bit of a daze/rage. I am saying I dislike long written things but, whenever I write something it's usually really, really long! I think this links with the way I think/remember things. Stories! Whenever I learn something I usually recall the situation within which I learnt it. That's a overly wordy way of saying I remember things as stories, don't we all remember things as stories? When I get some new info I link it with pre-existing info/stories so as to incorporate it into my existing understanding. New info links with old info thereby seamlessly incorporating into the structure that is my understanding. It sounds like I'm making an excuse for the paradox that is my hatred of lengthy writing vs. my penchant for writing at length. I'm conflicted...

This is a good a time as any for me to fling a quote your way:

So it would appear I've fallen into an age old jelly trap! A sentence you are unlikely to read ever again. Think about that for a moment: no more, no less. Does anyone know who Virginia Woolf is? I know she was a writer but beyond that I haven't the foggiest. But this quote was used to close the first episode of Was It Something I Said? If you don't believe me then you've got about a week to check it out on 4OD. It features David Mitchell, Richard Ayoade and Micky Flanagan  so worth a lookie.

It's a bit like sugaring the pill or as Mary Poppins would put it:

Not saying that anything I write can be classed as medicine! But it maybe explains why I carelessly craft so much jibber jabber around my otherwise seemingly unpalatable points.

This popped up on the Lincolnshire Bombers Roller Girls fb page. Not so strange that they are sharing a quote from a living legend of the sport + they are rather active on the old social media. It's originally sourced from Bonnie D. Stroir, awesome name btw. She's a whole six years older than me and was the world's first full time roller derby coach. She travelled the world coaching! She retired but returned to the game. I found out this morning she retired again in September 2013! I'm kinda hung up on the sport, tried to make sense of why here. I may actually give it a go if I ever leave the permanently injured limbo state I seem to have been in for the past decade! Can't make Lincolnshire Rolling Thunder's recruiting ting that's soon. Why is so much awesome stuff happening!

When I first read this I wholeheartedly disagreed. It made no sense to me to bust up your body. Inevitably I sought to poke holes in my reasoning. I actually started to realise that I agree whilst sat in the waiting room of the ortho fracture clinic at Lincoln County.

I only ever felt I was useful if I had a fully functioning body. Things ain't functioning atm hence my knee jerk reaction to the quote. In a lot of ways I let being the "strong" one become my defining characteristic. A relic from a simpler time when might made right. Trapped in this way of thinking I continued to train and live in a way that was quite literally tearing my body apart. I have very hyper mobile joints and I love to lift heavy. There came a breaking point that has made me think again.

I was speaking with an occupational therapist about any gadgets, gizmos etc. I'd need to manage my day to day at home. I started running my mouth and what came out was right on the money. I need to think more. Think...that's something I didn't do enough of while I could get by with power alone. I'd power through physical tasks with little or no thought as to if there is a more effective way of doing them.

Breaking up the brick of text with Ross demoing his amazing Unagi skillz!

Power is no longer an option, at least for the time being. A part large part of what I considered to be my identity has been removed. What do I do now? Well I guess I'm free from that prison that I managed to build for myself. I don't have to be that guy any more. Well if I end up as that guy feel free to give me a short sharp kick in the shin. It may sound extreme but it's preferable to regressing into that state!

There are lots of people who place ideals, goals etc. above their own lives. If you scour fiction you will find numerous examples of main characters who are willing to fight and die to further their cause. I did go over this a bit in one of my old posts What's the RDA for PEP? and there's a vid at the end of this one that illustrates the idea of putting yourself second in order to attain something amazing. I struggle to think of real life examples of people doing this.

These selfless acts tend towards the dramatic and, more often than not violent. I'm all for violence, it get's things done ever so quickly! But I'm also all for change that is sustainable and that happens with all the speed of a rampaging glacier. So is there a way to win without fighting? Seems counter intuitive I know, how can you win if you don't fight? Depends what you're using as your weapons. I would say I am much more able to effect change with my words than I ever was with my fists. Also the society we live in doesn't allow for such things to happen so often.



And:

Than image is from a lovely fellow calles Jay Branscombe. He describes himself as an aggressive progressive, sounds awesome even if I haven't a clue what it means! I've asked his permission to use it, if he says no it may disappear, eek! So real life examples...Gandhi? Pacificm was part of his religion but you can't argue with results right? I know very little about such a titan of history I am ever so unclued up. I may present the front of an all-knowing sagely font but I am in fact rather uneducated.

But I did once hear a story about his followers on a picket line. They would be beaten back and be carried off with injuries. Once bandaged up they'd rejoin the line and be beaten back again. They did not raise a hand against their attackers. It boggles my mind about the level of belief they had that this course of action would further their cause.

So that's Bonnie D. Stroir shooting the duck. A phrase I learnt from a handy little book that I purchased here. It's a move known as shooting the duck, don't know why and it serves no purpose other than to show boat and put a big smile on your face :-D

So is anyone superstitious? Rituals that you have to do before you go out in the field/pull? I think I'm starting to become more superstitious as I grow ever older Less seems coincidental! Ok so does anyone know what number Bonnie D. Stroir skates under? I daren't call her by her by anything other than her full title, I don't know why! Well it's 26, "so what?" is the reaction I'm expecting from the global gathering that inexplicably reads these. Well if you add the 2 and 6 together what do you get? Well you get 8 of course, still not that awe inspiring but bear with me I'll get there one day. 8 is my lucky number according to a complex ancient eastern numerology system . Well it's not that complex I was born on the 26th of November so you add the 2 and 6 together to get 8! So two twenty sixes is no big whoop but here's the kicker I'm actually 26 years old right now!

I can't mention roller derby without a nod to my route to the sport. This is of course an old work colleague, the Roller Girl who Draws in Secret, SDRG for short. Anyone want to guess what number she skates under? Well I'll give you a clue! It is a number that's particularly auspicious for the population of the most populous country on the planet. The answers are 8 and China. I met SDRD shortly after turning 26!

Coincidence, probably...

I bought a Euromillions ticket yesterday. I'm 26, born on the 26th and the jackpot was 26 million! I didn't win...

Something from September 2011

When people move on, from one stage of life to another or out of my day to day life, I tend to write them something. This isn't always the case but I've noticed that I did this as far back as 2003! That's a whole ruddy decade. This tendency came to light on the 18th of October 2013 when I stumbled over something I wrote for someone when they were off to Uni. The recipient was not my bro, I don't really write anything for him as he would just point out spelling errors, laugh at me etc.

And it started off just like this:

Harp music plays causing and instant sense of nostalgia hopefully making you feel like you did in September 2011, when this was written.

Not entirely sure about the purpose of this but I felt I should share!

I know you must have heard tonnes of advice about what to do and what not to do whilst at Uni so I won’t take that route. This is what I experienced when I made the step into University.

The day I arrived unloaded everything, had lunch and then mum, dad and broski left. I went back to my room and stared vacantly around the place and immediately started to feel down. But I decided not to let that get to me and headed out to the hall bar, seemed like the thing to do! Problem was everyone else had the exact same idea

On the way bumped into Aussie Steve, who would later become one of my best friends. The bar was rammed as you can imagine, 300 students all wanting a drink 8-O. Stared around the place for a while wondering what to do and spotted an empty chair and 2 quiet looking lads.

So a plonked myself down and introduced myself to Andy and I forget the other lads name, oh nope I’ve remembered it, his name is Chris Herbert. Went around with those two for a few hours to the usual intro stuff from the dean. Then it was time for the barn dance, can you imagine me at a barn dance? Me neither, lol.

Spent the rest of my first day jumping into conversations with interjections such as “the killer whale isn’t actually a whale, it’s a dolphin!” X-D I ran into Ben Dixon, an acquaintance from KEVIS who was a second year at Notts.

As time went by I got along with pretty much everyone in my block and beyond. Good times indeed, staying up until 0300 in the morning just to see who won a block poker game, attempting to eat breakfast at all the halls in a single morning at the end of the year, single-handedly ripping a bollard out of the ground! Too many to list…

• Sitting on empty steel kegs around a fire
• Standing in a fire whilst some other folk sit on a sofa they reclaimed from the skip
• Hide and seek
• Walking to lectures with RAV
• The time it was raining in front of us but not on us
• A trip to a brewery
• Bbqs
• Christmas dinners
• PLH getting bottled
• Passing out and waking up in my own bed
• Rediscovering my love of dance, apparently I was quite the dancer as a toddler
• Scaring local street urchins, got in a mood and picked a fight with some local knobheads
• Steakhouse
• Reffing a football match, in jeans.
• Aerosol hot sauce
• Simple mass energy
• Washing up to the mortal kombat theme
• Leaving Pete in Oceana
• Seeing Dimi the night Paul got bottled
• PIZZA, so much pizza
• Diving off stairs, Sreek
• Chinups on stairs, my brachialis!
• Freshers flu
• Staring down a car whilst snapping our fingers like they do in Westside story
•  Mistaking fences for hedges
• Toast as a question
• Hats
• Singing in Ed's lecture
• Making whale noises
• House parties
• Foodtastic
• Banterman
• Fried chocolate bars
• Yard of lager = bad idea
• Away game Haseler
• Inebriated bowling
• Bumping into Dharan in week one unintentionally then now and again in clubs

Changed a lot about the way I think and how I see the world. I can imagine that it may or may not do the same for you.

KEEP IT REAL! X-P

Everything that's in blue I added just now. Drawing on this fantastic memory which lets me relive my glory days and the days that were not so glorious. Just a fraction of what we got up to, there's more so much more!

I'll elaborate on the bollard story as it is one of the better stories that ties several of the occurrences together. It's the tail end of first year, June/July '06. it's been an eventful year. We head of to ISIS a club in on an industrial estate, not the best and it has since been shut down.

What it looks like from the outside during the day.

I don't remember much of what happened that night in the club, it must've been your standard night of debauchery. Upon our return, by our I mean Phil, Sreek, Burak? and me, I ask the obvious question should I pull a bollard out of the ground. The answer that comes back is a rather sarcy "yeah, Ron." So I nonchalantly yank a bollard out of the ground. I'm assuming everone knows what a bollard is. They are pillar like structures that prevent vehicles from accessing certain areas.

Pretty much looked like these.

I'm pretty sure the one I yanked was cast iron, so rather unwieldy as you can imagine. So now we've got this thing what do we do with it...tour! We first drag it to Paul's room, he appears bare of chest and sleepy of eye. He humours us for a while before politely telling us to sod off. So off we sod. Upstairs to Georgie's room. Her door is unlocked so Sreek just strolls straight in and I bring our new friend along too. She's surprised and somewhat alarmed at our unannounced visit. Upon reflection this was probs because it was supposed to a quiet night in with the Cornish...she casually throws us out. So we proceed to deftly thread it through a bathroom window.

Yep that's the end of the bollard saga. But not the end of our night. We proceed to roll some empty steel kegs to what appears to be a fire in the distance. Once there we sit about and shoot the breeze about nothing in particular. Once the fire dies down we try to ride the kegs down the hill, limited to zero success on that endevour.

Ooh breakfast 12, try to eat breakfast at all the halls in one morning. It was around 05:00 when we got back after the keg/fire thing. Once back we decided that it'd be pointless to go to sleep as breakfast is so soon. Myself, Phil and Sreek sit and watch Family Guy...I keep dozing off so we decided to grab a couple hours sleep before heading out. I'm the first to wake and rush about trying to rally the troops. Sreek n Phil are still keep but Burak...he looks at me and then falls asleep again.

We start in Derby, easy enough and walk our way round. Here's the thing had we done this at the beginning of the year we could've blended in. But this is the end of the year and the catering staff have gotten to know who will actually get up for breakfast and who won't. It doesn't help that I have an enormously long beard and something akin to a fro. I stand out like a hairy thumb in an otherwise, relatively hairless, sparsely occupied room of thumbs. We abandon our attempt and return to go to sleep.

Best days of my life? They were good but I'm not into absolutes, when it comes to experiences...

So that's what I'm presenting you with this week. I know your bound to have some fabulous stories of your own to tell. So I sincerely request you to share! Maybe not with me but with someone. Makes me want to read this whopping great book I have on stories and why we tell them.

Held back, coconuts, rummaging = nostalgia

You ever felt a little tied down? Not in the BDSM way but kind of restrained by something. Well some of you may know why I feel that way, physically, right now. Kinda out my hands, if only I could accept it,.that'd make things so much easier! I'd just slide through accepting things instead of suffering them. But there is the tricky business of knowing when something can be changed. Accepting the current thing in whatever form it's in would let you not react to it, whatever it is. Ah abstract reasoning it's full of this non specific talk that is tough to relate to. Very interesting, conceptually, but by golly is it dry. Like a cream cracker...

So I have a lot of time on my hands, some of which is taken up by my one of my favourite past times, training. But seeing as I'm not the biggest sleeper a couple of hours doesn't really make much of a dent in my day. So What to do...well I've watched a lot of stuff

• The Expendables
• The Almighty Johnsons - S1
• Breaking Bad - S1E6
• Lie to Me - Rewatching season 2, I forgot a lot of it :S
• Samurai Champloo mostly because @shortbistro won't stop going on about it!
• Superbad - Like Pulp Fiction I'd never watched this all the way through just bits n pieces
• Transformers 3
• Aziz Ansari - Dangerously Delicious
• The Hobbit
• Aziz Ansari - Intimate Moments for a Sensual Evening
• Dave Gorman Stand Up Live
• Hajime No Ippo: Rising

So from that lot I'd say what I'm most excited about is The Almighty Johnsons, comedy always wins me over. That said Breaking Bad is awesome too and I am growing attached to Samurai Champloo, only 26 episodes! Oh and lets not forget how likeable Shia Labeouf is in Transformers :-D Little bored by the story but it kept me entertained whist I was living in Lincoln.

Oh and owing to certain circumstances I was "living" in Lincoln for, almost, the past five weeks. It was nice even if I found myself in bed by 19:00 on most nights. As Slurms Mckenzie would say PARTY ON!

Yep that should be a gif but I am unsure if they work...someone tell me, please :-D.  My mind grapes are drying up, another reference that if understood will result in nuptials. That is to say can you tell me who's catch phrase that is, not his/her only catchphrase as they are a veritable goldmine of quotable material!

So I have lots of time on my hands as you've gathered. What can I do with said time, well I could learn a lot of really useful new skills e.g. memory palace, cold reading, radio voice training, develop a grip that can crush coconuts. But I've been watching TV and rummaging through my hoard of stuff that's laying about my room.

Coconut story - Anyone ever tried to access the innards of a peeled coconut?

How they look on a tree, believe it or nay.

So they are covered in a fibrous husk that has to be removed before accessing the nut! But that's not the end of the journey, you can make thread, rope, sacks etc. out of the fibres of the husk. Fantastically coarse, scratch stuff :-D So onwards to my coconut story! Anyone familiar with the hindu tradition of breaking coconuts upon arrival at a temple? Well that's what we do when we get to a temple you smash a coconut on a step, rock, whatever it is that is in the designated coconut smashing area. Something to do with the purity of the liquid inside, it's sterile and can be used as IV stuff!

Anyway I'm in Sri Lanka, where I was born btw, and as is the way we are visiting as many temples as we can. I am by no means a believer, I'm firmly in the I haven't the foggiest camp. If you know fantastic! But I really don't know so...I have no where to go with that statement. So my mum, dad, bro and cousin are in attendance and  I am handed the coconut. They used to let little bro d all the coconut smashing but he's too "cool" to care about that kinda stuff any more. I on the other hand still love throwing things: rocks, balls, sticks, remote controls, crutches, cameras, phones, brushes, bottles! At this particular temple there is a rocky bit of ground near the entrance where you smash you coconut before going in, or after I don't know the correct etiquette in situations such as this. This rocky bit is surrounded by wet sand. Wet from all the coconuts that have broken and spilt their juicy awesomeness onto is. I hurl the coconut and miss the rock. Embarrassing right? Nope the coconut still broke despite hitting wet sand. So that's one of my coconut stories!

So rummaging produces many interesting things here are a few so you can get a little flavour of what I have laying around my cavernous room: oyster card, penknife, origami xwing x 2, strange whistle, old pencil, receipts and raffle tickets. The receipt and raffle tickets are what interest me the most! They weren't purchased on the same day but they are linked. Sleuth away dear readers! But even the sleuthiest amongst you will likely be unable to deduce the connection without the two items to begin with. Well it's 21 items technically. A receipt from ASDA and 20 raffle tickets. They're blue, numbered 396 - 415 and in strips of five! :D Why am I describing them when I have this handy picture, so you don't have to use your awesome imaginations. Look anything like the pic below the pic below? I put it there so you'd hopefully picture the tickets before seeing them :-D

My parents went out I had to do my sisters hair before bed. Bi-racial adoption has its struggles!

Purchased on the 6th of July

Thought I'd throw in an extra clue, if you can deduce where I purchased these, mucho kudos to you sir/madam. I am impressed by you knowledge of my activities on the 6th of July! So the second item is a receipt, not from on the same day or even in the same place.

As you can see I purchased 4 items. 2 of these were sausages! Mr Pork was a six pack of scratchings that I got. And the "soft drink" was a 2 litre bottle of water. You can agree that £0.45 is rather good value for money :-D. But then again I could've filled up a 2L bottle at the leisure...no more clues. I was on my no carb kick at the time hence the fatty, proteinous purchases. So have you deduced when this purchase was made? If not then I'm very disappointed in you. You've let me down, you've let your mum down and most importantly you've let yourself down. :-P I never got that speech growing up mostly because I was ever so well behaved and partly because I was ever so crafty the folks never really knew what mischief I'd been up to. 

21st of April 2013 at 12:47, it was a Sunday. Any clearer? Well what happened was I tried to organise a work outing to support our esteemed colleuge, SDRG, in a double header. Details here if anyone wants to see why I'm so enamoured with a sport I've only ever seen twice! Oh and the raffle tickets were from our second outing to, I know this as I always buy 5 strips of tickets. As they are always sequential and I won one prize, a lovely red bag, they were from July the sixth. I know this because I have a ridiculous memory that can draw up minuscule details about day to day life. It was a Saturday btw, had to look that up ;-)

So that brings me neatly to my current predicament, LBRG's next home bout. It'll be on the 20th and is yet another double header. But this time Lincolnshire Rolling Thunder will be will be up along with the Bombshell Bruisers. I've never seen a men's bout so was I'm stupendously guttered I won't be able to make it! CURSE YOU SLOW HEALING NERVOUS SYSTEM! On a side note upon hearing W2K I was so inspired to dance I shuffled around my living room unassisted!

In case you wanted to go you can get details and shtuff here: https://www.facebook.com/events/206426546199755/

Yep life is shorter so get down to Grantham this Sunday and observe as opposing teams skate past at truly gasp inspiring speed. If you go and don't have a blast let me know and I'll buy you a cookie. It's a genuine offer folks, one that I will not be repeating ever again!*By ever I mean this week :-P

n.b. I knicked the poster, I believe it was carefully constructed by Melfunction who has a page here

Yep Will 2K give it a watch and I guarantee you Will want to get up and dance ;-)

Pt 3: My right leg AND my left leg, well let's just say it's my legs in general!

Hello there, I do hope you've read Pt 1 and 2. Because who would leap into something midway without getting a good grasp of the previous instalments? Well I would of course! I did it with 30 Rock, Friends, Harry Potter I'm sure there are more examples but these are long enough already without a list of stuff I've leapt into midway.

So I had a shower! Yep that's right big news I know but at the time it felt like being born again. Admittedly I do not remember being born the first time so I can't say for sure what it'd be like to be born again. Anyhoo after the shower I insist on wearing another hospital gown. Mostly because I'm still peeing in bottles and regular clothes seem like too much hassle. There's a humorous image in case you didn't know the deal with the gowns.

Every day they ask me if I'd like to wear something else; PJs my own clothes etc. I couldn't figure why. Well it's a big psychological thing once you're dressed you feel much more capable. Bit cliché I know but dress the part and you feel like a different person. Ooh I almost forgot about my flowtrons! These go over my lower legs to prevent DVT. But my surgeon mainly wants them on to stimulate my nerves into action.

I leave them off for 30 mins and Amy tells me I can't have them back on till I've been reassessed by a doctor. This is in case a clot has formed and the flowtrons may move it on and kill me. Sensible thinking tbh. So instead of Flowtrons, Jess issues me with some Teds. These are anti-embolism stockings in a rather lovely shade of dark green. They make it a little awkward to walk as the floor is low friction and the stockings are rather sheer.

TEDS

The friendly face of my surgeon makes an appearance just as the physios are getting me out for my daily walk about. He tells me with a very grim face that he's gonna have to send me to the gym. Now I dunno how well you all know me as there are some people in Egypt, Qatar, Serbia and Indonesia reading these so you may not know me that well...

Those of you who've had at least one conversation with me will likely have gathered that I love all things associated with workouts! Well almost...I hate people who go to the gym to talk and hog benches/machines whilst doing little or nothing. If you are going to be a gym douche I will do absolutely nothing as I am far too polite to and repressed tell you where you can go. I wasn't always this way, there was a time when I'd have picked you up, spun you round a few times before deftly depositing you in a bin all to demonstrate what can be achieved if you workout instead of wasting time!

Caught up in my enthusiasm the physios take me to the gym and put me on bikes, bars and a leg extension machine. Their findings are that I have great quads, which I do, but the muscles below the knee are not fully under my control so the gym work is not helping me. Wibbly wobbly feet attached to a piston quads. Well after two or three attempts this course of action is deemed pointless.

Also I'd resigned myself to the fact that this is going to be a slow process that is mostly out of my hands. I initially saw this as quite liberating but in fact it was me being lazy. Who remembers Arnie's six rules for success?

Do me a favour n give it a listen :-D. He has his short comings but he these rules man he's stumbled onto some truth.

I'm trying to sleep now and there is a a very old man who constantly speaks, sings and whistles. This is regardless of whether he's conscious or unconscious. He doesn't say, sing or whistle anything in particular but it just goes on and on. I'm slowly being lulled to sleep by his continuous rhythm less drone. After oversleeping, you know I'm out of sorts when I sleep for over 7 hours! I found out the dude is rather impatient. It's a good trait to have in my book. What wait for something to happen? Make it happen! :-D

Oh back to my point about Arnie's rules for success. Rule number five is the one that I forgot, work your butt off!

I kinda saw my time with the physios as being sufficient and resigned myself to it being a "gradual" process. I removed the weight of responsibility from myself and saw the speed of my recovery reduce.

So I hit my exercises hard, little too hard. Too many squats make me do the high rep squat walk, which is not great considering walking is a bit a struggle without achy thighs. But it starts to work I can get up much easier. You reap what you sow :D

Pt 2: My right leg AND my left leg, well let's just say it's my legs in general!

This is the well anticipated second instalment of my journey from whatever I was to whatever I'll become once this is all done and dusted. As to who I was? I don't know! As for who I'll become? I don't know either! Well I don't know is a good place to start as Rene Descartes will tell you :-P

This follows on from Pt 1, naturally. If you're yet to read it then I don't blame you as I know I can be tediously convoluted at the best of times. So what happened next!? The cutters did their cutting :-D What actually happened next was a four to five hour procedure to remove the disc stuff that was pushing on my nerves. I haven't seen the incision but it was only a couple of inches to access two discs. Impressive stuff I assure you. Not gonna say any more as I would have to research the details of the op and I know you are all ever so capable of doing that yourselves :-P

So here's one of the weirder experiences of my life, coming out of anaesthetic. Breathing is hard, perception is...conflicted? I don't feel like myself, you know how we have a default setting? How we feel day to day, moment to moment. I feel detached and then I try to reason what is happening. The first thought that springs to mind is that I me and my body have parted company. Scares me so I fight to breathe and glance furiously around the room. I feel heavy, yes I am about 100kg but like there is something pressing on me constantly. Invisible lead soup! A nice lady points out that I've got a new toy to play with, patient controlled analgesia!

The thing at the top is a button that was strapped to my right hand and the syringe would have been full of morphine!

It's a morphine pump that I've been given control of for a few days. My perception of time has become somewhat muddled. I was admitted on the night of Thursday the 5th and the operation was in the morning on Saturday the 6th of September. Perhaps it was the drugs, unfamiliar atmosphere, pain or fear but my usual uber memory seems to have broken down with regards to chronology. When people came to see me, when I was moved etc. appear to have happened in no particular order. Everything happened at once...sounds like the mumblings of a someone who's tripping on something right?

So when they wheel me back to the ward I'm greeted by the familiar faces of my mother and brother. As well as two lovely family friends who stuck around with mum n bro whilst I was being tinkered with. I am tired and confused but I want to chat so I try to talk to them. Only problem is that my powers of focus are in tatters. I would start a conversation and mid sentence I'd drift off to sleep. Oh and there is this oxygen mask on my face that muffle my already quiet voice. I briefly revert to my rough Grimsby voice, I was kinda a badass back in the day so I had the rough scary tones to go along with it.

Funnily enough when speaking in my "old" voice I said the word garage as it would be said in the home counties not how everyone else said it "garidge".

I notice that my chin really, really hurts. I've been hit in the face a lot but this is something akin to a carpet burn/bruise/rash. It's purple, raised and tender to the touch. We decided it's probably because I'd been face down for the past 4-5 hours with an oxygen mask on. I ate nothing that day, Though I have been known to fast from time to time this really isn't not like me at all!

Wasn't too sure what to do with this little nugget of info but I may as well be as honest as I can be. So I've just had my back operated on so I can't leave the bed. I'm being dosed with strong opiates so my bowels have seized up solving problem number two, savvy? Numero uno is still in full flow! In other words I have to pee! Now they could've catheterised me but they didn't. I can't leave the bed, for now, so what do I do? Any guesses? Here's a clue:

Anything springing to mind? Guess I'd better spell it it out in case some of yall are baffled by what such a receptacle could be used for. I had to pee in a cardboard bottle for a week or so. Strangely enough I wasn't drinking much but felt the enormous urge to urinate. Upon closer inspection the cannula in my arm was hooked up to morphine and a drip! Well after 4 or five failed attempts I relaxed enough to let it all out. I think these could do with being a bit bigger tbh. Firstly because some men are longer than others, if you get that reference I love you and will marry you. And secondly if you are bursting then there just isn't enough capacity. It's a real problem!

My swashbuckling surgeon comes by and asks me to move my feet, I got nothing! Now this was a little alarming at first. Mostly because I'd come in with numbness in both legs and a dead right foot. I now still have numbness in both legs and both my feet are dead :-S He asks me if I've got sensation, which I did and still do. Sensory and motor run down the same pathways so if one is there then the other has to be too. It's just a case of waiting for all the swelling, bruising, stretching + other misc. damage to repair itself. For a few days it stays this way. and I dip my toe into the depths of depression.

Strangely it wasn't the thought of me being paralysed from the knees down. It was the strain being placed on my nearest and dearest. A sentiment I shared with my mother in an effort to apologise for being hurt. Now I cried at this point. Those of you who've read my blogs know I'm no stranger to crying. But as it turns out this is the first time my mother had seen me cry since I was 8-9 years old. I've since resolved not to do it again. Dad gives me a ring from India having heard of my peculiar emotional state and explains that a few days after coming out of anaesthetic people tend to feel rather low. Turns out this may have been the result of coming down.

So in the days that follow I channel all efforts to wiggling my toes. You ever heard the phrase "you reap what you sow"? Well all the effort I put in made my left foot leap into action. Now leap is a little bit of a strong word it's mostly that I managed to move it up and down a bit. Then righty joins in, right toe to be specific. Upon hearing me retell the tale of how I willed my feet back to life Swapnal remarks it reminds him of this scene in kill bill 2:



Oh the day the physios came! Two nice physio lads came and helped me out of bed to see what I could do. Turns out not a whole lots! They did say they'd bring back something called an Arjo to get me walking. Weird thing for you folks. Without use leg muscles wither away at an alarming rate. Three days of being in bed made my calves and quads disappear. Whilst my upper body is pretty much as I left it, musclewise. I admit it the alure of regular food has drawn me to the dark side and I'm now in no shape at all.

You stand within the frame and walk whilst supporting what your legs can't through your arms. I managed about 20 metres before running out of steam. As you all know my upper body doesn't really do endurance. So in the days that follow I graduate to a gutter frame.

It's like a zimmerframe with wheels and handles. This burns out my chest, shoulders and triceps! All the time my feet are making strides towards full range of motion. It's around now that I notice righty has overtaken lefty! Lefty feels swollen and unwieldy. I'm moved from Stow in the dead of night, about 21:40 to Naustadt-Welton. I feel a little strange, I'd grown to love the bustle of Stow. It's a trauma ward you see so it's firing on all pistons day and night. But here I am in the elective surgery ward. It's quieter but I still can't sleep.

This is where I'm first introduced to Amy, she's from Bardney and has just found out she's pregnant with her first baby! I've been doing my best to remember the names of all the wardstaff who looked after me so well. I made a list, in my mind! But I've grown lax in my updating of said list since I've had access to a laptop. I was the most vulnerable I've been in many years. I was a soft kid who toughened up a bit too much after moving away from Bucks. The kindness and level of care I received from the staff I can't really put into words how much I appreciate what they did. They did pretty much everything, I couldn't stand, sit up or twist.

The next day I'm wheeled into the bathroom and I notice there's a shower. It's been four days since I'd had a shower. Once I'm done I pull a red cord and Rach appears. She makes a point of introducing herself and explains how oddly topsy turvy the patient nurse relationship can be! I ask if it'd be ok for me to have a shower...why not is the reply! I get a new water proof dressing for my back. That shower was AMAZING! Dunno how to express the awesomeness of this shower. The only way I can try and convey it is this, don't shower for a day. I'm talking 24 hours just go without showering, use deodorant, antiperspirant etc. Then take a shower and see what it's like, imagine that x 4!

Funnily enough this isn't the longest I've gone without taking a shower. The longest would have been 6 days when I was at Hawes :-D Did you guys take have a trip away when you were in year six? We went away for a week to Hawes. Where we walked, climbed rocks, walked, went caving, walked, mountain biked, walked, sketched, walked, player pool, walked, oh and did I mention we walked? Man did we walk a lot! Here's what I remember about the trip. We got there n trekked about six miles on the first day before getting to the place we were staying.

I think there were six of us in a room lets see if I can remember who I was staying with! Craig, Niall, Tom, Scott and Stephen. I remember Scott mooned the girls out the window and farted. This caused the window to steam up completely and everyone in the room to fall about laughing for a good five minutes. Someone bought a can of fart spray, sprayed it on their finger and wiped it under someone's nose. Fake cigarettes! I bought a bunch of gifts for my family and left them in a public toilet. Luckily the year group was on a staggered schedule and they were found by another group. When we went caving the guy leading us tricked us into thinking we could see in the dark. We met up with the second Ben Wright who had moved away from Scartho in year 2.

We caused a cow stampede by running through a field. We started running through a field, why you ask? Well we're 10/11 year old boys the question should be why weren't we already running through this field?! The answer to that would be that we were kinda knackered from all the walking, at least I was! Anyways the field is slightly downhill and those of you familiar with how gravity works will realise that this resulted in us speeding up. The rest of the group are looking at us from a distance thinking "what a bunch of tools!" We end up going through a bunch of cows, what's the technical name? Well it's herd of course! Or Hird I knew a girl with the second name Hird, she's a teacher now! The cows are somewhat startled by our sudden appearance. I'd like to think they were inspired by our childish whimsy, I know the former is much more likely. And they leg it! This alarms us so we run even faster. We hop the nearest turnstile/gate,  I can't remember which it was! Shortly afterwards a herd of 50 or so cows have crammed themselves up against the gate.

This manouvre neatly cut us off from the rest of the group and pissed the farmer, whose land we were rambling across, off!

It's gonna be three weeks soon enough and I'm yet to have a proper nights sleep. Odd surroundings, drugs, pain and a mind that appears to be rewiring itself. I don't know what into just yet. But I feel more and more that whilst this event has me as the main player the purpose is linked to all associated with it. I'm being obtuse as what I really think would take at least another 1000 words to explain. Ain't nobody got time for that! :P

I've only recently gotten hold of this laptop. Before then I was hand writing copious notes of what happened. I've never written one of these based on notes before so I've put them to one side for the time being.

Pirates, hair colour, superpowers etc.

Ever wondered what your pirate name'd be? Well neither have I. UNTIL TODAY! If you know me, you know I am partial to growing a beard of some description, from time to time. This first started when I was about 12/13, don't believe me? Well I have no proof so you can be all non believing all you want :-P I grew up really fast, physically that is, Think I was about 5 ft 8" in my second year at secondary school.

So facial hair! This first kicked off with some massive sideburns that I grew in year 9 at KEVIS. Once at an athletics event, I was a bit of a shot putter, Andy commented that my facial hair was like bumfluff but bum fluff is white...yeah. I had big sideburns then stopped shaving altogether. This led to the the head of our year, Mr. Hayday, having a little chat with me. His usual ridicule spiel was not present but he told me about how he understands the temptation to be lazy but rules is rules! I had a similar conversation several years later at Spalding High School. This was from the deputy head of sixth form at the time, Mr. Garbett. The next day I turn up thoroughly debearded, thus annoying Raj! He was my only beard brother at the school and I had abandoned him when we should have been standing shoulder to shoulder to fight the power!

So that was the story of my beard before I got to Uni. This was the first time round, yes I am greedy and went to uni twice. I didn't even wait that long before going for the second time, was literally a matter of months! Whilst in my first year at Notts I grew a goatee that morphed into something more than a goatee. I'll not take you on the journey from goatee to...beard but instead I'll give you my start and end points.

Mapleston and Rich Bolton in Rich's room?

I then shaved it all off and went about my business as a second year chem enger. Didn't go so well hence my leaving Notts for the fair shores of Lincoln Uni where I regrew my beard several times. I then stayed, more or less, clean shaven in my years of wandering the jobless wilderness. I say jobless but I worked a few unpaid gigs and quite a few hard labour gigs. Nothing that stretched my "mind grapes" though. If you get that reference I'll give you a hug or tell you a story that has a convoluted link to your current life situation, your choice.

My most recent beard was grown after I landed my current job. Twas a goatee that was quite fond of, let it grow into a beard and then inevitable shaved the whole thing off. Made me look disgustingly young...disgusted by youth I can definitely relate.

That's what it looked like, can you name the rather powerful presence that can be peeked from over my shoulder? That's right it's Tin tin Taylor. I also saw my dad for the first time in ages today! He's overseas learning how to be a teacher of something ancient and awesome. Funnily enough he's grown a beard too! He had a head start on me, mines only five weeks old his is approaching 2 months, I think. As you can see from the pics my beard is black. My dad's 60+ so guess what colour his is? If you guessed anything other than grey or white then you are a tool. It links neatly back to my first paragraph, pirate names! Now the old man's beard is white and the beard I currently possess is black. See where this is going?

So if we were to switch from lovely law abiding citizens to salty scourges of the sea then it'd only be natural to call ourselves Whitebeard and Blackbeard!!! Just like in One Piece :D But alas here comes the weird bit early this morning I was in the bathroom about to brush my teeth. Not so strange I hear you exclaim, hold your horses chaps an chapesses, I'll get to the point one of these days. This is when I spy something that I've never seen before. When was the last time you saw something you'd never seen before? For me it was Saturday morning! On my cheek I spy a hair with a hue that is not my usual.

Care to hazard a shot in the dark as to what it was? Come now don't be boring take a guess, even if you don't post a comment have a guess in your head or write it down if you really feel like committing to this farce :-P. So white and grey is what I think most of yall have in your noggins or scrawled on the back of an envelope. But alas that is not what I found!!! What I actually found is a hair with a hue I would never have expected to appear on my face. It was gingery...auburn, reddish brown. Yep made me all giddy for a few mins! Or it could've been the push ups I'd just cranked out on my zimmer, on second thought let's not get into that just now.

Pretty much what my beard looks like from range

Now you can see that red hair right? I decided to highlight it by teasing it out of the glut of dark beard hairs. Made me read up on red hair as I've never seen a brown man, such as myself, with red hair! So I did a little reading and it's to do with mutations in the MC1 receptor on chromosome 16. After a chat with my mum, who also has my freaky remember everything that ever happened memory, she confirm none of our family has ever had red hair! So I am a mutant! Next stop super powers me thinks. If I had a choice I'd pick super speed and the reason is because Flash can beat Brainiac/Luthor!

Let me set it up a bit. Brainiac merges with Luthor and kicks the crap out of the Justice League. The last man standing is Flash, would you pick the wise cracking funtime guy to save the world from someone that could put the smack down on Batman, Superman, Hawkgirl, Green Lantern, Wonder Woman and the Martian Man Hunter? Yeah me either!

Awesome right?

Also I was reminded of a pic I saw an absolute age ago about how redheads are the best!

I think this is memecenter meme but I've seen it all over the place!