Creativity, why now?

Long time readers will remember the last time I chronicled something similar, I was weeding an overgrown garden with a golf club. Did I publicise that one? Who knows. Click the tIthing to go back a few years to see if I have grown. Or if I am exactly the same, probably the same. I mean I live in a different county, have a normal office job, weight 10 kg more. Have a better grasp of accounting, but otherwise I am the same, or am I.

I had certain expectations/hopes. And these were not met, or they were not met exactly. Leaving me confused and angry. Plus I stirred myself up by choosing to deal with the emotions that the death of my dog now. Why now? Well I was entertaining a new friend at the weekend and ran out of things to do. My ankle being gammy, she was very understanding so we just stayed put. Had a blast, I talked way too much, and I picked up my notes on my dog. It was like being punched in the gut.

Solar plexus anyone? Now there's a phrase that lived and died at secondary school, it also pops up in "Freaks and Geeks" a show that was all sorts of awesome. It's on Netflix, see it now! Or finish reading this and then see it. Your call, I'm not the boss of you. Unless I am your boss, but then again I am no one's boss. Well I have some referred power as I'm a bit of a nexus/fulcrum for information, but definitely not a boss. What was  I talking about? Gut punches!

So I get a little gaspy, you know when you feel short of breath because of emotions? That. And then I got some news that I wasn't hoping for. I'd basically put my foot in it and initiated an awkward exchange, urgh so awkward! To alleviate my overthinking I focussed on creating a tribute to my dog. I also set myself an unrealistic deadline 3 hours. Unrealistic because of the number of photos I had to edit, edit is a generous phrase. Crop, rotate, rerender. I then had to stitch them together into something of a narrative arc. I should've waited and gathered more photos. But I didn't so it ends really abruptly. You can see it here. Scroll to the end or read the whole thing, again I am not the boss of you. Unless I am, because dimensions, alternate timelines, etc.

So by the time I was done it was 02:00. I am tired so I go straight to bed, but then I have to be up and in work early. There's work to do etc. I do get ponderous though. Why did I suddenly have a burst of creative output? Why after months of stagnation and zero creative work did I feel the drive to make something? Anger, disappointment, suffering, sadness. The darker spectrum of emotion fuels my creative fire. Have you ever noticed that comedians who fall in love get less funny? Happiness detracts from their hilarity. We all know the cliched image of a tortured artist.

Pain, looks like I must court it. Seek it out, mine it, foster it. Perhaps not. Emotion is what I need. In stability I find no creativity. In chaos if flows. I feel exposed and vulnerable. Ruffalo's banner expressed it as being like an exposed nerve. It's terrifying, honesty. But the experience is so much more.

Have I gotten somewhere with this? Perhaps.

Or maybe I've just massaged my ego and consoled myself.

Information from Amazon, as easy as extracting juice from a ginger root

Those of you who have tried to get juice from a ginger root will know what I'm talking about. Not impossible but takes way more effort than it's worth. FYI use a lime squeezer, they work a treat.

Here's the story, cast your minds back to December 2016. I know it's tough as so many things have happened since then. A rich, white dude has become president of the US, Oscar noms, frost, etc. Just before Christmas I am sat at my computer buying something from Amazon. Probably a tub of peanut butter, perhaps a lock picking set, maybe a lamp. I go to pay, and notice a new payment card is set as my default payment option, odd.

I thought perhaps my baby brother, he's 22, was hitching a ride on my Amazon prime account and had added his card. I ask him he says nay, I get suspicious. I check my order history, there's nothing there that I haven't ordered. I check my bank account, all looks as it should i.e cue tumbleweed sfx. I forget about it and head home for Christmas, it's fantastic I eat too much and gain a bunch of weight!

Once back down south I settle in to work. I remember the card on my Amazon account, I buy a book with it to see if it's linked to my current account, it is! My Mum rings me to tell me that my new debit card has arrived, I ask her to relay the info over the phone so I can take it up with my bank. The last four digits are all that's visible on a saved payment option, them match up with this card. The bank tell me the card was in their possession till January, so it could not have been added to my Amazon account. I should take the matter up with Amazon.

I do that, and I'm told that Amazon don't update card information automatically. Perhaps someone in my family added this card. I explain that the card was with the bank until 2017, but appeared on my Amazon account in 2016. They have no idea so pass it on to the investigation team, they say that I will definitely hear something within 24 to 48 hours. The time passes and I hear nothing, so I go back and chat to another representative. I get the same spiel and that I should hear back within 24 to 48 hours, in between I check to make sure that nothing is being ordered from my amazon account and that my bank balance remains as it should, mostly empty with an a crippling capacity for overdraft.

This continues for a few weeks, I contact amazon every few days and receive the same reply. Instead of going through their chat mechanism I send an email, I get the same "we don't auto update new card details, we log them if you enter them. You must have entered these details." four, five, six times I contact Amazon. And I get the same thing we'll get back to you in 24 to 48 hours. I go to the bank and cancel the card, I'm not waiting whilst they twiddle their thumbs not telling me anything

Today four weeks after my initial contact I get an answer, Amazon use Account Updater to update your card details where possible.

Un-ducking-beliveable. The poor girl who was chatting to me tried to apologise and offered me a whole £5 amazon credit to console me. She has escalated it but told me I can not be updated on the progress of the complaint as it is an internal investigation.

This was very a very avoidable waste of time. Had all the other representatives been trained, briefed, tested properly. Or if Amazon had updated their customers about this new thing they are doing. I feel like they introduced this thinking no one would notice. I did and plenty of other's must have as well.

Will I end up shopping at Amazon again, probably. I paid my annual subscription for my prime membership already, I lost my temper. A waste of energy, how very human of me.

Tim Labrador and Legend pt. 3

Some of you may have read the previous two instalments, on this blog, about Tim. He's the beautiful, blonde, beast, that I am lucky enough to call "my dog".

Part 1: Heralding the Hedgehog
Part 2: A Tale of Two Kitties

Just in case you wanted a recap or a little extra reading on the old fella, I say old because he is 15. Now 15 is old, and for a labrador it's super old. Pedigree says at 13 years old he'd be 96 in human years. Don't believe me then behold:

See, I wasn't exaggerating/fabricating.

The more mathematically adept/inclined may have puzzled out that at 15 he'd be around 110/111. A grand old gent.



Part three may be the final part in Tim's legend. That is because he has passed, that's to say he is dead. Up until a week before I did not think upon it. But as the time drew closer it was all I could think about.

I felt a lot of regret, did I do all I could? Was I the best I man for this dog?
No and no. But it's in the past and regret, whilst natural, is rather pointless.
I've resolved to be better. I'll aim and strive to be as kind, patient, and happy as he was.

Theres a small slideshow, ends abruptly so prepare yourself. Also here's a list of things he did, it's far from exhaustive as he did live an action packed 15 years.

Threw his hands in the air - he shook hands with both front paws
Jumped - really high, I'm talking his head above mine and I'm a shade short of 6ft.
Wiped his mouth on trousers - a habit I only noticed after several years.
Went bezerk...
Plucked washing from the line.
Yowled - it's like a howl but he only did it once.
Came at me like a rampaging thunder god - I forgot my keys and was mid fence hop.
Got super skinny - diet + exercise = skinny + insane range of motion.
Refused to stare at baby bros belly.
Humped many things.
Stood like a strong man - that one's for you Sanjay
Climbed out of the box - in the backseat of my old man's Nissan Almera
Crawled under a foot stool - in the garage
Sniffed some shoes to my baby bros great surprise - when we lived in Scartho
Pooped anywhere and everywhere.
Had a lot of ear infections.
Rolled over, shook hands, sat, stayed, came back, paused, jumped, fetched, walked, peed prolifically.
Always happy to see me.
Never ill tempered.
Forever hungry - One ate 5 + Kg of food when he had unrestricted access to the bag.
Snuck into the garage and spent the day there.
Fell out of the boot.
Was there when I blew my two discs.
Switched off.
Made an odd face whilst itching.
Hated baths.
Loved being towelled.
Had an "it's raining" face.
Knocked on the door.
Went to the police station by himself, twice.
Had a massive swinging...
Stuck his nose under the gate.