This may be because I've had a drink three days on the trot, just the one in the evening with dinner. First two days, totally fine. Yesterday I was seesawing between anger and sadness, possibly the worst kind of seesaw. Thoughts, is there a worse seesaw you've encountered? Note I didn't ask if there was a worse seesaw you could conceive.
So I saw a title of a video "Born to make..." now my discomfort with the title stemmed from the word born. For me birth ties directly with infancy, and giving a baby such a heavy mantle is not cool. But lets dig a little deeper.
Now then, I've written about this before, but it's something I struggle with. The idea of fate. It's said we have free will, discretionary nature, etc. We can be whoever/whatever we want to be, within reason. Terminator 2 "No fate but what we make?
So that hands the reigns to us, we are the captains of our own destiny. But there is another idea, one that feels scientific at least, that counters it. If you know the location and velocity of every atom in existence you can predict the future. The problem is that there are a lot of atoms, somewhere between 10^78 and 10^82, those number flummox me.
Then there's a thing called the Heisenberg uncertainty principle, anyone savvy? If yes you can skip this paragraph. It states that the position and the velocity of an object cannot both be measured exactly, at the same time, even in theory. As to why, I suspect that the observation process itself alters a particles momentum. Maybe, I'm not a physicist, not even remotely close. So we can know where something is, or it's velocity, but not both simultaneously.
Phew. Now just because we can't do it, doesn't mean that everything isn't predetermined. We are part of the system, matter being batted about by the forces of the universe set in motion at the big bang. Whilst we operate day to day in a way that feels as though we are separate, we're not. All connected, all under the influence.
So we're born into a system that operates on a scale that we can not hope to comprehend. We suffer, struggle, cling. Trying to be... happy? That's the whole point right, to be happy. But if we are indeed caught in a system that we have no control over, why do we struggle against the overwhelming current? Fear? I know that's why I cling to what I know, what I want.
This doesn't feel finished, but I have run out of things to say specifically about it.
So I'll recount something that happened to me yesterday. I awoke around 0830, meditated, exercised, and sent off to CnC HQ. It's about a 30 minute drive, the radio blasts contemporary pop. I more or less switched off during the drive, switching back on in Bracebridge Heath. The roadworks are no more, there are more in town holding everything up. A dude let's me into traffic, reaffirming my faith in the goodness of humanity.
I can't park where I usually park, it's been coned off for work that isn't happening currently. I park down the street, and walk to CnC HQ with my filming equipment, we're brainstorming today. I have a few ideas. But this is Swap's baby that he's wanted to do from day one. Somehow CnC took over, probably because I was doing the heavy lifting and eating comes easy.
Rick's in attendance, we watch... something then watch episode three of The Mash Report. It's good, we settle in to brainstorm. Swaps actually written some topical satirical headlines, I'm impressed. We spitball format, structure, length. I always air on the side of brevity. Whilst long form, like all these words I'm writing right now, is great for getting your point across. Short, punchy, shareable. That's what we need to do.
We discuss whether to do release each headline as we think of it or aggregate them together at the end of the week. We resolve to do both, one to build buzz the other as a summary/best of.
It's fun, we chew over names. Now time for community shield, sponsored by Mcdonalds, hilarious. I wander off to buy something from Coop. I reminisce about where I collided with a people carrier whilst driving a gigantic refrigerated van. I look around, I can't quite bring myself to carb up in the middle of the day. I settle for overpriced chicken breast. I know it's be disappointing but it's nutritionally sound.
I want to tell you about my weight loss journey this year. But I'm saving it, probs shouldn't lest it fester and become something else, like blue cheese. Ooh if you leave and idea could it morph/decompose into something more delicious. Like long chain hydrocarbons, mmmm carcinogenic. Ah I'm back. I'd lost myself briefly but the segue, diversionary, meanderer, is alive and well.
Football, followed by a brief non directional shoot. I'm playing the relaxed guy, I know it's such a stretch for me. Swap is the upbeat news anchor. We both throw out a little gold making Producer Rick laugh. We watch it back, it ends with "Colin Firth..."
So I feel better but I haven't resolved anything. I know what I have to do, I think but it's finding the opportunity to do it. Alas I must wait on a communique, not by carrier pigeon. It's being transmitted by this shiny new idea, the internet? Apparently it involved fibres, copper, clouds, and farms.
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