Taught or learning?

From time to time I feel like someone is trying to teach me a lesson. Thing is I don't really like it if someone is trying to teach me something. Kinda feels like it's being enforced, know what I mean? Alternatively I could see every experience as an opp to learn. Puts it on me to try and get something useful out of all the shizzle that goes down.

I was intro'd to a structured way to do this, really simple once you've heard it:

1. Sit down at the end of each day, reheheally hard right?
2. Go over key interactions/events
3. Identify what you did "right" so you can repeat/build on them.
4. Pick up what you did "wrong" so you can improve/not do it again.

Simples, right? I do try to do this so I can become more effective! But I tend to get sidetracked by all the other interesting, but inane, things that are occurring around the globe.

Yep that's a mongoose facing off against a cobra. You see the kind of distraction I have to put up with?!? Did you know that the mongoose isn't immune to cobra venom they're just really fast so that can dodge, hence Ace Ventura's phrase "Speed of a mongoose!"  

Anyway onwards to what I think I should be learning from my current situation. Now we tend not to appreciate something till it's gone. Friends, parents, weather etc. I'm totally guilty of this and recently I was reminded of something that I shouldn't take for granted. My health. I've prolapsed a couple of discs in my back which has resulted in a lot of pain. Not only pain but my mobility has been reduced spending most of the day laying down in my side.

Before you all get incredibly worried this is not a big deal. It hurts and it sucks that I can't leap about for the time being but I've got my bro and my lovely mother with me. And a network of medical contacts the likes of which the world has never seen before ;-D

When it first happened the muscles in my back went into massive spasm. So I went home and laid down. And in a time honoured tradition of sportsmen everywhere I tried to walk it off! I did this by stretching my lower back and buttocks with every technique I had encountered in my many years of being a gym dweller. When nothing worked I called physio, he gave me one exercise n told me it was way too early to do anything. I needed to rest. So after a bit word spreads and what followed was an intense intercontinental discussion about wtf my next step should be.

Whilst the debate was raging in the background nature inevitably called. I had to bite the bullet and get up. So after a lot of shuffling I got up and experienced the most pain I had ever felt in my 26 years. Now I've broken my toes, fingers, had numerous cuts, torn many a muscle and been punched in the face more times than I care to remember but this pain was on an entirely different level. Every movement sent a crazy jolt of new pain through my back. Once back I crashed on the bed and could hardly breathe. This was because when I inhaled the pain would increase, making me breathe in little and out quickly.

With tears in my eyes I gained a glimpse into the world of those who live with levels of pain equal to or above this on a daily basis. The muscles in my back were in such tight spasm that I could only take small steps, also saw what it must be like to be old n stiff. Everything was such and effort, still is atm so I have massive respect for all those old folks out there doing it for themselves.

Funny thing about me is that I don't progress or grow when the going is good. If things are easy I tend to sit back and rot. There is something I heard once that applies here I think.

This pain first started sometime in 2009 when I felt a pop in my back when getting up from the decline bench. This wrecked but being the stubborn twentysomething that I was I went back to the gym the next day and did a full bi n tri workout. After a bit of rest I hit cardio like a madman and experienced a time of well being. But then old habits resurfaced and started building it up again. In my foolishness I neglected my lower back. The excuse was that it was weak and I didn't want to hurt it.

Surely it's the weaknesses that need addressing before you strengthen your strengths, DUH! Well my back was always a bit iffy, stiff, sore etc. In 2011 I went for a programme called BSP which was the most intense experience of my life. Made all my muscles ache like nothing I'd ever felt before. Once the fatigue wore off my back pain was gone! I was over the moon. But bad posture etc brought the pain back soon enough.

I got a taster of my current situation in Feb '13. My arrogance got the better of me and I decided to move 60kg of water bottles in one go. What happened was either muscle spasm or prolapse. This particular brand of agony kept me awake for a week straight. My mood deteriorated and I grew increasingly angry at the pain that wouldn't let me rest. I found my release when I realised who was to blame for this situation. ME! In my foolishness I had hurt myself and so I was reaping what I had sown. I actually laid on the floor laughing at myself, actually hurts to laugh! Cruel and unusual punishment indeed!

On a sidenote I love the saying "Reap the whirlwind". Looked it up and apparently it's from the hebrew bible!

I grew kinder from my pain and became even more sensitive to my surroundings. Then my world was shaken up and I hardened up. It's well documented what happened, have a read through my shtuff from April and May :-D So this time the pain is back. But that's not all. I've got numbness running down my right and left legs. Recently I've lost most of the movement in my right foot. Means I kinda drag my lower leg around from my quad.

I did despair when I first noticed this was the case. My mind started racing thinking what happens if this is permanent? But I've seen a bigshot spinal specialist and he's not so worried. Off to see him again soon so I'll know if this is something to be worried about or not. It has given me an insight into what it's like to be paralysed. Not saying I can fully appreciate it but I've got a teeny tiny idea.

Picture this, you're sat in a chair. Your favourite chair, you've got a fave chair right? If not pick one that's nice n comfy. But really who doesn't have a fave chair? Your legs are out in front of you with your feet resting on the floor. You want to raise your right foot whilst keeping your heel on the ground. Follow what I'm asking you to do?

That kinda movement but whilst you are sat down. What is it that you think in order to make that happen? In my case it's not really a thought. In so much as I can't really explain what I'm doing when I command my foot to move. Now I stare at my right foot whilst thinking whatever it is that makes it move and nothing happens. Now that is such a weird thing to see! My foot is there, I can feel the floor under it but when I tell it to move it does nothing.

I know why this is happening so it's not as worrying but it's still a little scary :-O ;-D The prolapsed disc is pushing on nerves thus causing the tingling and also reducing the movement in my right foot. Should sort itself out in a few weeks. It has given me a reason to bust out the cane I bought for a costume party 11 years ago! Yep I am using it in the wrong way, on the same side as my weak leg. I really need a crutch but I'm debating whether to buy one or see whether I can score one off the NHS.