Timber!

What comes to mind when you read or hear the word: timber? Is that the correct use of a colon? I dunno! Anyhoo timber conjures up a scene featuring at least one collapsing tree. The buzz of a chainsaw, the repetitive rhythm of the sharpened head of an axe striking wood, creaks and snaps as the lumber slowly yields followed by a rush and thud! Or maybe you think of a guy who is about 40, jumping up and down in suit, declaring willy nilly that he is "Mr. Worldwide"?

If you do then I'd recommend you take a long hard look at your life. Back to timber! So there is a large tree that stands proudly at the front of my familial home in the UK. I feel the need to specify as my family is spread liberally all over the world. Here's a handy list of countries containing my kinsman: Australia, Sri Lanka, India, Dubai, France, Switzerland, Denmark, USA and I'm sure there's more but I don't really keep abreast with the movements of my fam. I really can't get away with using that particular contraction, at least now we know.

It's the christmas tree looking mofo in front of the house! Also click to enlarge photo and see things in uber megapixelness.

As you can see it was eclipsing the house and the roots were encroaching on the foundation. There is only one answer, move the house. But we are not at a level of technology where such things are so easily doable. Houses are such a weird idea. I'd like to return to the same place for the conceivable future guess I'd better build/buy somewhere. We used to be travelling tribes, nomads. When we ceased being nomads we all went crazy...get it?

How honest Abe does it.

So instead we hired tree surgeons to slash up the tree. The fella said they'd be there after dinner. For me that means anytime after 13:00. It rolls around to 15:00 and I'm thinking they are not gonna show. 16:00 and they arrive. I'm thinking this is going to take at least a few hours. It's far too big to do the classic felling method. I thought they'd climb up top, cut away the branches and then cut sections. I was close but not cigar.

They one dude slowly scaling the tree, methodically cutting all the branches as he goes. He's armed with a petrol chainsaw. I've got a chainsaw and it looks like a toy compare to this thing. He's it makes short work of everything. As he's tearing up the tree he pauses shouts to his partner, he's chucking the wood into a wood chipper. He deftly drops a nest into the outstretched hands of the man on the ground. Turns out there were two wood pigeon chicks in it! They are placed carefully in a nearby shrub/bush. When does a bush become a shrub or vice versa?

Branches all done, nest expertly dealt with, onwards to the trunk. The thick bit in the middle is despatched with the same ruthless efficiency that the branches were. As the heavy sections of wood hit the ground the vibrations travel through the house. Oh and there was a number of bystanders staring in slack jawed awe. Start to finish how long do you think it too to take the tree apart? Leaving a six foot stump.

Before and after or after and before. Depending on how you view time...

So do you have a number of minutes, seconds, hours for the job? Well it took 30 minutes. I was severely amazed! If you need any sort of tree surgery, landscaping or hedge laying then they're called Simpson Arboriculture based out of Ancaster.

Pretty adorable right?

Not the end of this particular story. This is them just after all was chopped and chipped. Just chilling being infants. I got all snap happy, I know it's really not like me, and took lots of pics. They have a doting parent/s, I can't tell the difference. It may be one pigeon or two. This bird went mental looking for these two for the rest of the day. Flying, walking, making the hooting noise pigeons do. I was amping myself up to take the baby birds under my wing. I'd even done a brisk google search on what the fudge to feed them.

A few hours later I noticed that one of them had fallen from the nest and was awkwardly wedged in the foliage. I was unsure of what to do, if anything. At this point it was unclear if the parent bird would locate the chicks or if I would have to surrogate. By touching the baby bird I could leave my man stench all over it making the parent fearful. Fearful that it's sweet baby had morphed into a bearded, burly man child. My pops arrives an instructs me to cease being such a jessie and put the bird back in it's nest. As I do so I come into contact with a level of softness that is reserved for baby birds. Placing the bird back in the nest was easy, it's sibling seemed dubious about it's return.

The next morning dadatron spots the parent with the nest, looks like I won't be needed to take the role of surrogate pigeon mother. As the days pass I glance them from time to time as I walk past their nest. They sit and silently stare back. My mother did a spot of digging and they sat eagerly staring at the new activity unfolding beneath them.

About a week after their big move

So now they've flown the nest! Only a week and one day since they were moved. Bye bye little dudes. It was awesome to have met you and indelicately replaced one of you back in the nest. May you go forth and be the best pigeons you can be...